Family Issues Support Group
Family issues is a huge range that go from minor conflict to major misbehaviour and even abuse on the part of individual members of the family occur. Whether you feel you are in a dysfunctional family or you're dealing with a very specific issue, this is the place to talk about it and find others who might be going through the same thing.
I am struggling with my son. He is failing 5th grade, he doesn't care about his school work, and I am devoting all my time to helping him and he is showing no effort at all to do better. I feel like I am losing myself as a person because he is so needy.
He is not interested in anything, when he goes outside to play with the other kids he ends up getting into some kind of trouble. I truly believe it is for the attention. He lies on a daily basis to get attention, he makes up lies at school to go to the nurse to get out of school early.
He also has dependency issues that are driving me crazy, he always wants to be around me, in my business, listening to my conversations on the phone or with my boyfriend. He is never content with just reading a book, or playing in his room. He wants to be a part of whatever I am doing.
I think it has a lot to do with the sepeartion of his dad and I 3 yrs ago. Once I left his father after years of verbal abuse, I see my son carrying on the same controlling behaviors. His dad has bad mouthed me to my son for the past 3 yrs and his dad invloves him in his life like he is his best friend. I feel my son is 10 going on 21 because his dad talks to him about his girlfriend's and asks him for advice and about his money problems and about finding jobs, losing jobs etc.
I don't feel like I have a 10yr old son, I feel more like I have this burden, how do I get my little boy back? Is it too late to turn him into an independent young man, striving for better in his life?
He is more and more like his father as the days go by, his dad never finished school and works odd jobs just to get by. (His dad and I have the worst relationship because I refuse to have any contact because his dad abused me for so many years,I desise him, and I am starting to see these things in my son, which are bringing back all these hate feelings) My son's behavior and lack of effort in school have shown me he just doesn't care and has no motivation to move forward for himself.
Even when I do spend time with him and show him attention, it is never good enough, he then tries to manipulate me and tell me you never pay attention to me. What is wrong, where he is looking for me to fill a void in his life? And has no motivation to do anything for himself? He doesn't even care about taking care of himself.
I am at a loss and I feel like I've already lost my son.
Is there anyone who has been through this or anyone who has any advice?
He is not interested in anything, when he goes outside to play with the other kids he ends up getting into some kind of trouble. I truly believe it is for the attention. He lies on a daily basis to get attention, he makes up lies at school to go to the nurse to get out of school early.
He also has dependency issues that are driving me crazy, he always wants to be around me, in my business, listening to my conversations on the phone or with my boyfriend. He is never content with just reading a book, or playing in his room. He wants to be a part of whatever I am doing.
I think it has a lot to do with the sepeartion of his dad and I 3 yrs ago. Once I left his father after years of verbal abuse, I see my son carrying on the same controlling behaviors. His dad has bad mouthed me to my son for the past 3 yrs and his dad invloves him in his life like he is his best friend. I feel my son is 10 going on 21 because his dad talks to him about his girlfriend's and asks him for advice and about his money problems and about finding jobs, losing jobs etc.
I don't feel like I have a 10yr old son, I feel more like I have this burden, how do I get my little boy back? Is it too late to turn him into an independent young man, striving for better in his life?
He is more and more like his father as the days go by, his dad never finished school and works odd jobs just to get by. (His dad and I have the worst relationship because I refuse to have any contact because his dad abused me for so many years,I desise him, and I am starting to see these things in my son, which are bringing back all these hate feelings) My son's behavior and lack of effort in school have shown me he just doesn't care and has no motivation to move forward for himself.
Even when I do spend time with him and show him attention, it is never good enough, he then tries to manipulate me and tell me you never pay attention to me. What is wrong, where he is looking for me to fill a void in his life? And has no motivation to do anything for himself? He doesn't even care about taking care of himself.
I am at a loss and I feel like I've already lost my son.
Is there anyone who has been through this or anyone who has any advice?
Do you have a formal custody agreement with his father? the trash talk needs to stop, it will not remotely help your son adjust. It seems to me that his abuse would be grounds to severely limit visitation if not outright discontinue it. Maybe it would be possible to get a mediator of some kind involved to establish ground rules for visits.
One of the biggest things that has helped me to bond more with my son is finding activities we can enjoy together. We go for walks, we just redecorated his room based on the solar system, we wrestle around. We watch nature shows and the discovery channel and he has a great time telling me about all of the animals. In short, we try to do things together that could be termed "quality time," as opposed to buying him every big shiny new toy as his father does. I hope this helps.
I wish you the best.
Good luck and God Bless
I agree with those that have suggested counseling and I think both of you would benefit from that counseling.
Your son is feeling the fact that you are disliking him - that cannot be hidden and kids are very in tune with our feelings. I would get into therapy just as soon as possible.
Good Luck =]