Family Issues Support Group

Family issues is a huge range that go from minor conflict to major misbehaviour and even abuse on the part of individual members of the family occur. Whether you feel you are in a dysfunctional family or you're dealing with a very specific issue, this is the place to talk about it and find others who might be going through the same thing.

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Disrespected Eldest

Melaa
Melaa

I am the eldest of 5.  Our mother passed 4 years ago and our sibling bond has been challenged on several occasions.  2 years ago my sister had to come live with my husband and two kids for a year due to a bad breakup.  As she was nearing the year mark I had a conversation about her getting her own place again as she had no bills for the entire time at my home.  Long story short she didn’t like being asked to leave and said very nasty hurtful words to my husband as she was leaving blaming him for the request for her to leave.  Within the past two years he has texted her for a conversation about the issue and I reached out to her directly and she refuses, yet I continue to attend family events which my husband says is disrespectful to him.  Since I am the eldest I expected better behavior from my sister.  Now holidays birthdays etc are not the same as my husband refuses to be at any event she is at eventhough he does not have issues with the other 3.  I have voiced my concern to the other 3 but they reply by indicating they do not want to get involved.  I am contemplating not attending events to this issue is resolved but afraid I may not be missed.

patti22
patti22
Sit down and talk to your husband. Explain that he's hurting you, not your sister, by refusing to go to family events.

As for boycotting family events...no, you likely won't be missed by your siblings. Family boycotts seldom work. Instead people just get used to having the events without you around. If your father is still living, he's the one that will get hurt the most from you not being there. Parents are the one group of people who never get over it.

As for being oldest...maybe it's time to put that to rest?

***My ex husband's older brother stayed with us for a number of months. He paid no bills while here either, and yes...things didn't end on a happy note. (Hint: I'm leaving the details out of the disrepectful things he said to us.) There comes a time to Let Things Go. Issues between us don't have to be resolved for either of us to attend family events. Events really should be neutral territory.***
annieheart
annieheart
I would ot stay away at the family events. Your sister was very wrong. She should not of stayed as long as she did, But we all blow up and we have to move on. Your husband can go and just do not engage with her, Just a simple hello. But if he is not willing I would go to birthdays and Christenings maybe not Christmas because I would want to be with my husband. I have a situation between my daughters and my step son, I sent an apology message to my son in law. I asked if him my husband and his half brother can work on their relationship. Just because there is issues that should not come between them. Its working out good. Maybe in time they can bury the hatchet, My own daughter only stayed 2 months with me with her kids and got a job and saved every penny and was out in 2 months. Her situation was emotionally devastating.
Melaa
Melaa
Thanks for both responses as it is great to have non bias feedback. I really enjoy being around my family and would love for my husband to be part of the family again!!
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