Family Issues Support Group
Family issues is a huge range that go from minor conflict to major misbehaviour and even abuse on the part of individual members of the family occur. Whether you feel you are in a dysfunctional family or you're dealing with a very specific issue, this is the place to talk about it and find others who might be going through the same thing.
I have 3 adult children- daughters 30 & 29, son 27 who are all in jobs and or college and living their own lives. Of course, this is what I wanted for them- to have their own lives and be independent. However, I miss them and would like them to respond to my calls/texts/emails. I don't try to contact them very often, not even every month. My oldest and I have been estranged for over a decade due to my mental health issues and her anger. But the other 2 kids and I have been closer.
Now, suddenly, my son is not answering any contact I make. He shares an apartment with his father, my ex. I contacted the ex a few weeks ago since I hadn't heard from my son. My ex said he put a note on the fridge asking my son to call me. He didn't call. Tonight my ex emails me saying my son just can in from work and said if I called the ex's phone he'd put my son on the phone.
I called, the ex put my son on and he said "Let me call you right back". He hasn't called and it's been hours. I was really hoping to hear from him. I miss him. I'm afraid I expected him to actually call back. Now I feel hurt and disappointed and very unloved. Why is it that it is so hard to be a parent of young adults?
I have no family of origin due to being sexually abused by the siblings, and both parents being deceased. And now I feel like I've lost my my kids too. Empty nest I guess. But it makes me feel very alone and unloved.
Now, suddenly, my son is not answering any contact I make. He shares an apartment with his father, my ex. I contacted the ex a few weeks ago since I hadn't heard from my son. My ex said he put a note on the fridge asking my son to call me. He didn't call. Tonight my ex emails me saying my son just can in from work and said if I called the ex's phone he'd put my son on the phone.
I called, the ex put my son on and he said "Let me call you right back". He hasn't called and it's been hours. I was really hoping to hear from him. I miss him. I'm afraid I expected him to actually call back. Now I feel hurt and disappointed and very unloved. Why is it that it is so hard to be a parent of young adults?
I have no family of origin due to being sexually abused by the siblings, and both parents being deceased. And now I feel like I've lost my my kids too. Empty nest I guess. But it makes me feel very alone and unloved.
You mention mental health problems in passing. Make sure you are getting any treatment you need, both for your own sake, and so your future interactions with family are not worse than they should be.
Feel better soon, my dear. I know it is hard.
Any type of estrangement is an extremely difficult road to follow, I'm sorry to hear that you have to go through this.
Sincerely,
PD
I've had to go No Contact with my mother on and off over the years, and it all came down to the way she treated me.
Perhaps you've done things in the past to push them away?
The point is....why would your children not include you every now and then? Did something happen in the past? If it did, could that situation possibly have been triggered for them? My life has been filled with triggers at just about every milestone (also because I was motherless from a young age). By the time I had my first child, I considered myself to be parent-less. Things from youth surfaced that I thought I had buried, especially when going through it with my children. I began to mourn for what I didn't have as a child and that forced me into therapy. I kept asking myself: why can I give so much to my children but I couldn't get that for myself?
So, I don't know....there must be more to your story than you write? Children just don't walk away...especially at their age. They are adults that are more than capable of coming to their own conclusions in life...
I hope for whatever reason it is, that you can all mend ways and be a family again.
Both my brother and I had to take GIANT steps back with our parents. If several people do the same thing, look for the common denominator.
So, to the OP, I'd ask them all what you did or can do now to have a better relationship. Then be very quiet and listen. Don't get defensive. And remember these phrases-
I'm sorry
You're right- you deserved better
I want to try to do better
Please be patient with me as I work through this
Then take concrete steps to DO something that shows you are taking ownership.
If my parents did the above, we'd be in a different spot than we are now.