Family Issues Support Group
Family issues is a huge range that go from minor conflict to major misbehaviour and even abuse on the part of individual members of the family occur. Whether you feel you are in a dysfunctional family or you're dealing with a very specific issue, this is the place to talk about it and find others who might be going through the same thing.
I am 29 about to be 30. My sister is 31. She has lied all of her life about things that were obviously the truth. She doesn't have her finances together which to me isn't a horrible thing (everyone falls on hard times) its just that she borrows from everyone and than lies to justify why she needs the money.
Some background. Me and my sister were raised by my grandmother. My mom was not really in the picture at all. She was on drugs most of the time. I graduated college and was able to get decent paying job. My sister dropped out of school and started using drugs. She is dating a guy who is using her for what little money she has and seems to maintain relationships with people eventhough they clearly treat her poorly (friends, family members, boyfriends). I love my sister. All of that aside she lies. She has persuaded people to give her money in my family and never pays it back and she always lies about every little thing to make herself seem more important than she is.
She has borrowed money from me and she has lied about why she can't pay it back. She also steals its just detrimental. I have decided to not enable her behavior. I'm just curious how other people deal with family members who always seem to take take take.
Some background. Me and my sister were raised by my grandmother. My mom was not really in the picture at all. She was on drugs most of the time. I graduated college and was able to get decent paying job. My sister dropped out of school and started using drugs. She is dating a guy who is using her for what little money she has and seems to maintain relationships with people eventhough they clearly treat her poorly (friends, family members, boyfriends). I love my sister. All of that aside she lies. She has persuaded people to give her money in my family and never pays it back and she always lies about every little thing to make herself seem more important than she is.
She has borrowed money from me and she has lied about why she can't pay it back. She also steals its just detrimental. I have decided to not enable her behavior. I'm just curious how other people deal with family members who always seem to take take take.
Hugs.
My brother tried to get me to co-sign on his truck. I refused. I never heard the end of it. He had my mom calling me and begging me. He told them all I had alot of money and I was stingy and selfish. He gnashed his teeth and stomped his feet, and I still told him "no." A few months later he declared bankruptcy and many people in my family went down with him. The banks came after them on credit cards and loans. They all hated me because I was one of the few who did not go along with his nonsense. did it hurt my famiily relatinships? yes. Am I glad I refused? hell yes. its a matter of what is more important to you. my financial peace of mind is important to me.
good luck,
--EJ
--EJ
So when MIl died, he called us up and demanded that we take him in and take care of him, just as his mother had done until she died. We refused. We told him that we would help him find a job and help him get his own place, but we were not going to do what his mom had done and take care of him like that.
He was not happy about that response. The last conversation he and my husband had did not go well. They fought. My husband doesn't raise his voice very often, but during that conversation he did. He was refusing to allow his brother - my BIL - to move in with us so we would take care of him, but my BIL wouldn't take no for an aswer and kept insisting that he would be moving in. It was awful.
So they argued really bad. My husband hangs up on him, and then we didn't hear anything from him (BIL) for months. It might have been closer to a year actually. It was a long time. Eventually we tried calling and the numbers we had for him were all disconnected. He has disappeared.
Of course we were worried about what had become of him. But we also felt like we had made the best decision for our family. We were raising two young boys and there was no way we were going to allow BIL who was almost 40 to come live with us and just sit around and expect us to do everything for him. We didn't want that influence on our own boys.
Anyway - so finally after a long time we get a call - and we find out BIL had died. He had found some other people who took him in, and gave him everything, and provided a roof over his head and so forth. He had told them that he didn't have any family and all kinds of lies. (He did have family, just no one that would enable him. All his family expected him to work and take care of himself.) But when he died suddenly, they were going through his things and found our information, so they contacted us.
So, anyway, my experience with all of that left me feeling like people who use... whether it's alcohol or drugs or other people... they will always find someone or something which enables them. It doesn't matter what you or anyone else does to try to help them. Until they want to change, they won't. They'll just use and abuse you and anyone else they become involved with. And so I feel grateful that my husband stood firm so that we were not the ones who enabled him, or allowed him to use and abuse us.
When I quit giving her money for everything that she needed it for (usually she would make up stuff) she flipped out on me calling me horrible names, when everyone quit enabling her I monitored her whereabouts because I was worried about suicide being a possibility. My story has a good ending though, after 8 years of not having her stuff together, she hit rock bottom where Jesus was waiting to lift her up (she renewed her beliefs) and has been living a normal healthy life without the need to ask us for money anymore.
Good luck and stay strong!