Does she know how you feel? Maybe it would be best to just be honest with her. Even if she gets mad at you, at least you might be warning her of getting into a bad situation.

Yes I told her. She ignores my feelings and continues to call incessantly.

Change you phone number.

That actually gave me a good laugh, changing my number...don't think I haven't thought of it but she's my daughter. Thanks for the smiles that thought gave me though;)

K, I find it hard to believe that at the age of 30, like your daughter is, that it's the first time that someone (a guy) has looked twice at her.

I would think that at this age, she probably has had a few relationships of some kind, and maybe this time she knows or feels this is the guy for her. Sometimes, you meet someone and you just know, there is something there that just feels right.

I know a month does not sound like a very long time to get to know someone. I agree on this. She should wait at least a year, but if she is determined to do this, why don't you get involved, tell your daughter that you don't agree with her decision, because she hasn't know him too long, but be happy for her anyways. Wouldn't you rather share in this happiness with her, if you can't stop it, than miss out on something that would be so special for you and her.

Anyways, congratulations on her wedding. If it doesn't last, well it will be a tough learning lesson for her, and if it does last for her and she is happy, all the better.

Good luck.

She has dated before, but always the wrong sort of man. This is the first nice man who has looked at her twice, but not the first man obviously. I actually have gotten involved and said pretty much what you've written, that I don't agree, but if this is what she wants I'll do my best to be supportive. My issue is the incessant calling, and as well involving me in things I shouldn't be involved in, like her arguments with him. I will be sharing this day with her, but I agree, tough lesson to be learned ahead.

my mom wanted nothing to do with mine. i think that, from the daughters perspective, you are not supporting her like every mom said she would. If this turns out to be the love of her life, her soulmate for life, you are setting yourself up for absolute disappointment. my mother can have NOTHING to do with me or my children.

This is when she needs you the most. you are her most important confidant. Im sure that if something was to happen to your daughter you would totally regret this attitude you have. you cant just be half supporter and half not. You either stepup and being the mom, and her BEST FRIEND that she needs, or dont answer your phone, move, and never talk to your daugher again. i have been in this situation as the daughter, and she is so desperate. she is out of her comfort zone and she is trusting you. If you want to "get out" then you are getting out of more than just this. its motherhood period.

Sorry to hear that about your own situation with your mother. I can see a lot of anger in your response, and a lot of hurt. While I have vented on this channel, I have not in any way said to her that I wanted nothing to do with her. I did sit her down and discuss all the pros and cons, and gave her my perspective. I also explained that I didn't feel comfortable with planning the actual ceremony planning, but if this was what she wanted I would support her decision. I helped her buy her wedding dress, and her ring because her fiance couldn't afford it, and I bought him a suit for the occasion. As it turned out he bailed the day before the wedding. Also what I didn't say is that the man is from Israel, and I was concerned that the marriage was more about his getting a green card than his concern or love for my daughter.

THOSE are important details! lol. that makes a lot more sense! I just saw this in a totally different way! Oh, the thing that made me thing you wanted nothing to do with her was the way you made the last sentence come out! sorry about that verbal beating! lol. my mom didnt want anything to do with mine because i wouldnt let her boyfriend, whom she left our family and my dad [hubby of 20 yrs for] and i had BARELY knew, sit on the front row with her. i was NICE by letting him even come, but b/c i said he couldnt sit and pretend to be "dad" she and him didnt come and convinced my grandparents and some aunts and uncles to do the same. i was just looking at it from her point of view! sry!

(:

It's ok you needed to vent and get all that angst out. All the things you wanted to say but couldn't you just said to me. That's ok, because in proxy maybe I helped you vent and get all that off your chest. Let me know if you need to talk:)

Littlefeather, I'm reminded in reading your post that it is not how we respond to the good times but how we handle the bad times that is the litmus test of our love. When they are little girls we open our hearts so they can find a nice safe, warm place to crawl into and view the world from. From the uterus to the heart. The next part of the journey is from the heart to our values and who we are as mothers. There is no way of knowing as they grow and learn how much of our personality, thoughts, value system they will embrace. Afterall, they are their own person and this is where we learn to appreciate them for who they are.

Those are ideally the good times. Then come the tests when not everything they embrace meshes comfortably with what we treasure about ourselves. We realize that in the realm of possibilities for instance, love at first sight exists. The sudden unlikely meeting of two soul mates can happen. Theoretically at least, we prepare them to separate from us but deep within our life experience we know we can no longer protect them. They are going to experience failure as well as success, pain as well as joy.

What is a mother to do in response to this lifelong compulsion to protect? I survived by remembering she does not belong to me. I don't belong to me. We are all a part of something greater and our individual dramas are fun, crucial to our existence and will end someday. Do you know what most mothers tell their daughters on their deathbeds? "It will all be okay". And they speak from wisdom - it will all be okay.

My best advice is to go for the ride alongside her. Laugh with her over the funny moments, cry with her over disappointments, be a sounding board for her when she needs it and know that this short lifetime deserves your full participation. Accept your new son-in-law for who he is. Tell them "from my heart, I want you both to be happy" - let them know that life is a journey that should not be travelled alone and that you support their union. Then invest in yourself the time that you would have wasted worrying.

From a universe of possibilities, choose those that will contribute to the wisdom and contentment of yourself and others. You have lots and lots of company because all of us are traveling the same path. Best of everything to you! Crionna

Beautiful words Criona.
As it turned out he jilted her at the alter. This is why I was so upset and bent out of shape to begin with. I was afraid she would be hurt, and she was.

Your words are poetic. What needs to be taken into account is that parents are people. They have emotions, they have their faults, their limits, their levels of tolerance and endurance, etc. While the ideal is to always be there, and be supportive, and be the rock and strength they rely on, the truth is most parents are fallible and do not have unlimited patience, tolerance, or resources. That being said I do attempt to be the best I can be. I attempt to be there at all times for her. I do have my limits though. This was not finding one's soul mate. This was a desperate woman wanting to marry because she turned thirty and was having an age crisis. The man was a non naturalized visitor on a visa looking for a green card. It would have been a recipe for a disaster, and he ended up jilting her at the last hour. My venting here was a moment of sheer frustration with that situation. It does not mean I feel like this all the time, or even act on how I might feel in any moment of pressure.