Family Issues Support Group
Family issues is a huge range that go from minor conflict to major misbehaviour and even abuse on the part of individual members of the family occur. Whether you feel you are in a dysfunctional family or you're dealing with a very specific issue, this is the place to talk about it and find others who might be going through the same thing.
I posted in 2023 about my 42 year old brother before. He is my 1+year unemployed 3 year older brother who lives with me and my two parents. He constantly argues (even though I try calling him out that he is the one that is arguing) over petty things. When hes with other family members such as cousins or uncles hes much nicer and also probably nicer with his friends (who I have never talked to).
Here's one argument out of several we have daily: We went out for my birthday at a busy noisy restaurant. He was talking to my mom about where the sides are on the menu and then my mom said she could not find it and then I heard him raise his voice and tell her that they are right there (he points).... so I tried to defend her by saying something like "calm down" and then he blasts me so I shake my head and then he is like shaking does nothing but you can keep shaking so i keep on shaking my head and then he asks me why am i shaking my head?... really petty stuff. That's not the last of the heated situations we had that day, he raised his voice when correcting me when I said to my parents I had chicken fried steak instead of country fried chicken.
One time when he raised his voice at home to my mom and so I ask him why hes yelling and then proceeds to tell me that's not yelling by increasing his voice even further yelling in my face.... That happened twice and made me fear for myself and I do get fearful of people easily, unfortunately.
Usually if he's argued with us a bunch times he will go hiking as soon as he wakes up and then comes back when we are all asleep(I sleep in adjoining rooms with a bathroom in between).
Now I notice he's brought large boxes of ikea furniture into his bedroom(I go through his room unintentionally) so I think he wants to build something to separate me and him because hes a private person that does not like me our my parent's comments questioning where he's going or what he's doing or he will get irritated and tell us its "none of your concern".
I got to thinking since I had several arguments on my birthday and the yelling arguments that I should get my own place. Plus his stuff just litters the ground floor so he can use my room and computer area to put his own stuff. My mother agrees that he has an anger issue though I think he is narcissistic. She also agreed I could get my own place....
Sorry if that's too much information to tell you guys and I guess my question is whether I am doing the right thing?
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Hey All...I hope that you have a lovely, peaceful beginning of your weekI have a bunch of chores that need doing but may put them off til tomorrow and just hang out with my landlord/roomie todayWhat about you?...Anything special going on?Have a great day and take good care of you!!..Xo
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Once again I've had a fever today. I'm not going to the hospital because that's a huge waste of time but I did schedule a dr appointment for Wednesday afternoon.
Unfortunately, it does seem that not much has changed with him for the better. And, your parents probably feel stuck in the middle of all of this, since you are both their children.
I really like the idea of you moving out. If cost is in issue (you mentioned before), can you look for a place with roommates? Or do you have any friends that might want to get a place together with you?
It's a difficult situation. I'm sorry you are going through this. Moving out might be the answer. It's not fair that you have to be the one to leave. But, it does not appear he is going to leave... so you have to think about whether you want to keep living in this stress, or do you move out and have some peace.
For reasons I can relate with you when it comes to family members wanting to arguing about everything especially when they feel you are wrong.
persons apartment, get roommates, get a studio apartment. My brother has a personality disorder and excessive anger. Been in therapy but never helped.
He will never change. He lived with my mother until she died. I am extremely
thankful I moved out of there.
You can only change how you react to him. Right now you react with anger. You try to change him or shame him into being nicer to mom. I’m going to suggest any of the Bill Eddy books about high conflict people. I recommended a book on boundaries last year. Brother is a high conflict person and I’d start with the book on communication called The E.A.R. Method. You can learn to respond rather than react with anger.
You can continue to argue with brother even though it doesn’t work and creates more conflict. Of course, you can stay angry and living at home and nothing will change for you. But that is an option! “This is your life, are you who you want to be?” From a Switchfoot song.
The Ikea furniture turned out to be cube organizers for my birthday so I thanked him for that even though I have no room for it. I told my mom that I want to live on my own and she is agreeable but not really willing to help. My bro is nicer now but that maybe because I have stayed away from him. It may also be because my mom may have told him (even though I told her not to) that I was leaving. I do like the idea of living off on my own because I am 39 years and should learn how to live on my own. As soon as I clean up my room I'll consider looking at places on the various rental places apps like Zillow....
As Tired wrote there are lots of options... I wish you well!!