Family Issues Support Group

Family issues is a huge range that go from minor conflict to major misbehaviour and even abuse on the part of individual members of the family occur. Whether you feel you are in a dysfunctional family or you're dealing with a very specific issue, this is the place to talk about it and find others who might be going through the same thing.

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Apple2014 02/05/2015

I am the oldest of 3 children and the only girl. My baby brother Joe is the biggest stressor in my family. He has had a temper from day one (so bad they tried to let him play football to get aggression out, didn't work) and at 24 my mom still favors him like nobody s business.I mean the boy is 1 year married and has a kid and he still calls his mommy to manage his money, insurance, personal affairs, anything and everything. He can talk rudely to everyone and everyone just brushes it off like "That's just Joe" He can be verbally abusive and thinks he knows everything about everything and if he says something and you say "Ok, whatever" he will challenge you and question you...I just hate who he is. He has to have everyone beat with the best and biggest and the baddest of everything, which I don't care because it isn't my money that he's spending. I just hate how he puts himself on a pedestal. My biggest issue is that everyone puts up with it. So because I don't put up with it I'm the asshole sister. My husband can't stand him. I try to smooth over things with both of them, but I just feel physically sick dealing with the shit. I also feel left out. They go and do things as a big friends group, but because my husband doesn't put up with my brother's crap and it causes "drama" we don't get invited. I feel very left out and ask my husband just to ignore him but then my husband acts like an ass just ignoring him...the stress is real. I'm just about done with all of it. Right now he is overseas so it has been nice, but he is due back soon and I don't know how to deal with it!!! Thanks for thoughts and advice...

militaryspousemd 02/05/2015

Apple2014- That is a very frustrating place to be in. I wish I had a good answer but here's my best shot. Your brother sounds pampered and naive and he has several hard life lessons that he will face soon enough. Try to focus on what has worked and what hasn't worked. Your husband ignoring him, doesn't seem to work. Were there any times when you reacted in a way that made Joe change his tune or your family for that matter? Sometimes we try so hard to change other people and mold them to how we want them to be that we fail in trying to speak their language. Obviously, you want them to be different and I completely understand that and wish I could give you a hug because family drama is no fun and neither is being left out. If you want to be involved though, maybe look for ways to talk to them that will make you be heard. Hope this helps.

Desigol1979 02/05/2015

Sounded like what my Brother was like between ages 14 and 21 before he rebuilt his life. Mainly because I had to drive him here, there and everywhere and yet also tend to my Gran and myself. I felt like an under-appreciated Mum; even though I'm a relatively young Man.

Distancing is probably the best option. Your Mum will always pamper him; old habits die hard. You need to put yourself first.

Apple2014 02/05/2015

Thank you both for your replies...I just don't know what to do. My brother is out of the country right now and the family seems to get along pretty good with each other right now. I think that will probably be my backer...not that I want to tell him, but maybe he needs to hear that we get along when he is gone because he isn't here to cause drama! I was reading the definition of narcissism and I think he fits it exactly. I have enough drama in my life. Honestly I'm thinking about moving in the next few years. I think it might solve a lot of issues! :) Thanks!

Triciaclarke 02/05/2015

Hi Apple, your brother is my brother too. We dont speak at all now. I also moved a long way from them. I keep in touch with the people I choose to and change the subject if it is about him. You have to live your own life and try to eliminate your involvement with your brother. It is very frustrating to see how things are, but your family will probably always try to keep your brother happy because its easier that way, he sounds like my brother who is way too unpredictable to upset, so they dont. I am always left out of family gatherings now which used to bother me, but then I thought of the alternative. Your brother may change as he matures and keeping a dignified silence at this stage may help in the long run.

DeliAnnem 02/05/2015

I actually have a different perspective...

I feel sorry for him. It sounds like your parents babied and spoiled him and they basically trained him to be an @sshole. It's not his fault.

And nobody supports your point of view b/c they don't want to admit that they did him a great disservice.

My advice? If he acts like a toddler, treat him like one... but not in a mean way. Use the same type of tactics and psychology since they basically stunted him emotionally. Love him, but don't enable him.

You may get more that way than being negative. Not a judgment; just a suggestion.

Apple2014 02/06/2015

Hi Triciaclarke and DeliAnnem -

I agree with both of you. My brother is way to unpredictable and my family and they will always try to keep him happy, why I'm not sure, I'm not sure what they are are afraid of, but I guess if they want to keep putting themselves in this, so be it.

DeliAnnem, I think you are correct as well. There are times that I really do feel sorry for him. He can't seem to make his own decisions and live his own life. My mother was primarily the one who babies him. She is slowly seeing it, but not enough to make her stop. She lost her mom when she was 14 and she was the baby, so she felt like she got shafted...so growing up she made us do Christmas the same till Joe was 18 and she made sure he experienced everything she missed out on when her mother passed. I mean I understand where she is coming from, but she only hurt my brother in the long run. I for see my brother and I having it out pretty soon and not talking in the near future...which my family will pick his side and sometimes I'm fine with that. i'm the bigger person, I will be able to deal with it. My mother has never ran my life or finances like she has both my brothers so in the end I'm the winner...I'm free! Thanks for your thoughts!!!

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