You know...regardless of what problems you and her may have, you are the babys grandma - I mean, unless your son has no contact with you, (I assume your son is married to her) anyway, I think it's rude. You are the gamma...you should have been invited to the shower unless, they only invited her side of the family entirely...then, maybe they made the assumption you'd have one too? Either way, it should have been talked about casually...as for you watching the little one - keep in mind maybe they want the flexibility of a public place - or the reliability of a public place...sometimes, family and needed rountine daycare doesn't work...if both your DIL and son have demanding jobs - they may need to use a center to avoid complications with work...right now, is not the time to piss off your employer..I wish you luck, and I'm sorry they've shunned you...keep reaching out - don't let it get you down. :) Don't ask to see the baby - just call and invite them out to dinner - or to a park...or maybe call and drop by with a care package for baby or offer to take your DIL to get her nails/hair done while you watch the baby? I dunno...just my thoughts...

I babysat grandson number 1 for a year in their home (different son) cleaned the house made dinner ,coulnt get any more flexable than that , and I never try to take over I do what they want with regards to baby I retired from my own daycare to look after grandson ,the Mom of this guy had health issues was in hospital ,got pregnant again with twins had difficult pregnancy was on bedrest so I stayed to help her . Oldest grandson was sick alot and developed severe asthma and was in hospital alot so they needed us a lot. The poor things were hit right left and cetre with health issues and scares. I realize they can decide what care their child needs because she is ther child. But I cant help feeling rejected Ill get over it ,but ill never be as close to this grandchild as I am to other ones, The other DIL says she knows how lucky her kids are to have 2 sets of wonderful grandparents who love them. We are special to that family ,When they discipline we dont say anything, we mind our business ,we are just there to cuddle and love the kiddies,

How is your relationship with your son? Didn't he find it odd that his parents were not listed on the Christening handout??
Have you had a falling out with your Daughter in law's family?

I have two boys and they have different dads...and my youngest son is the ONLY blood grandchild in my husbands family period. So I as the mom feel shunned sometimes as my youngest is closer to his granny than to me. But then at the same time, my oldest has no real "grandparents" except for my mom (dads gone now) and so though no difference is made between them, granny is still the one the youngest runs too. So I ask if this is the only baby on the DILs side of the family or if its her first one? The first ones tend to make family feel more shunned than if it was the second or third child. So just offer to watch the baby while she runs errands or on weekends. Hope this helps.

have you asked your son what is going on? or does he have no opinion, and/or no say about how how his family is treated by his wife and her family?

Thanks guys it helps alot to knock it around and get other peoples opinions. Melrock I am Granny to my oldest grandson, When they come home as they go thru customs he's "wheres granny when am I gonna see Granny and he runs out and flies into my arms ,we actually got on the news last Christmas ,they twins run to Grandpa theyn love me but adore him . Their Mom was jealous for a while until she realized we have totally different roles and she is his Mom and he adores her if it came down to it his Mom would be #1
It is weird tho because this guy is a clone of his Dad ,Ive never seen a kid look so much like his father at the same ages.Even her parents say "doesnt Granny think its weird its like u gave birth to her son"

fotog My son and his wife have never fought believe it or not ,He does what she says ,He never stands up for his family ,he actually said to me once that his wife found it weird because our family has turmoil ,my younger son suffered a depression was hel but we managed he says his wifes family is "kinda perfect" exact quote . Actually they brought baby girl over last night and she jumped in my arms and babbled and smiled Im sure shes gonna love Granny too .

People are strange. And inlaws are stranger. Your son has decided how he wants to live his life and you should respect that.

I think you should continue to do and offer what you feel comfortable doing. But don't get upset if they don't take up all of your offers. They may have good reason for wanting to use a daycare. But you can offer to watch her whenever they need you(if shes sick or they are closed). And make general(whenever they want) and specific (why don't you drop her off so you can go shopping) offers. Sometimes DILs feel uncomfortable asking, I know I did. And offer to go to their house too.

Remember to keep positive and flexible.

i'm glad they brought the new baby over, and you had a good time together - that's good news, and maybe it's just taking time for things to work out :)