Family Issues Support Group
Family issues is a huge range that go from minor conflict to major misbehaviour and even abuse on the part of individual members of the family occur. Whether you feel you are in a dysfunctional family or you're dealing with a very specific issue, this is the place to talk about it and find others who might be going through the same thing.
I feel like people reading this might think it is petty, there is a TON more to the story, but this is just one situation that I find myself crying about recently...
I am the oldest of 3 children. Me- Female 31, Brother 29, and youngest brother 25. Growing up we were all very close, as my parents made it that way and raised us to keep your family close. I have tried over the years to remain close to my family...we've had a lot of BIG fights and issues, but have tried to work thru them. My parents won't stand up to my brothers...my mom thinks they are her world (I am not) and my dad has been verbally abused by them so much that he knows my mother won't back him up, so he just does whatever my mom wants him to do. My husband and I see it all and don't enable them...which causes a lot of friction.
With all that being said, most of my best friends during high school and college I introduced to my brothers over the years...they are all now friends. Last night while going thru posts on facebook...I saw a post that my brother hosted a "Friendsgiving" at his brand new house (which I have not seen, he bought Nov. 1) and we were not invited. There has also been BBQ's and game nights as well that we have not been invited to, I tried to shrug those off, but this hit deep...I just don't know what to do. Basically they have tossed me to the side. There are issues between them and my husband and I feel like because they don't like my husband they have excluded me. But nothing has gone on recently that I know of. I thought we were on good terms until we weren't invited to things. Or invited to see his new house.
I guess with all this being said my main question is...Am I crazy for thinking that family should be close...I've been raised that we should all be together and do things together...and I would never leave them out, even if I wanted to. Maybe I'm crazy thinking that if you have a "party"/celebration of any kind and you invite friends that your sister introduced you to, you should invite your sister and her family? And where should I go from here? I almost just want Christmas to happen and then cut my brothers out of my life completely...obviously they don't want me around....it sucks not having a siblings or parents to talk to and understand...(my dad sees it all, but won't do crap about it).
I am the oldest of 3 children. Me- Female 31, Brother 29, and youngest brother 25. Growing up we were all very close, as my parents made it that way and raised us to keep your family close. I have tried over the years to remain close to my family...we've had a lot of BIG fights and issues, but have tried to work thru them. My parents won't stand up to my brothers...my mom thinks they are her world (I am not) and my dad has been verbally abused by them so much that he knows my mother won't back him up, so he just does whatever my mom wants him to do. My husband and I see it all and don't enable them...which causes a lot of friction.
With all that being said, most of my best friends during high school and college I introduced to my brothers over the years...they are all now friends. Last night while going thru posts on facebook...I saw a post that my brother hosted a "Friendsgiving" at his brand new house (which I have not seen, he bought Nov. 1) and we were not invited. There has also been BBQ's and game nights as well that we have not been invited to, I tried to shrug those off, but this hit deep...I just don't know what to do. Basically they have tossed me to the side. There are issues between them and my husband and I feel like because they don't like my husband they have excluded me. But nothing has gone on recently that I know of. I thought we were on good terms until we weren't invited to things. Or invited to see his new house.
I guess with all this being said my main question is...Am I crazy for thinking that family should be close...I've been raised that we should all be together and do things together...and I would never leave them out, even if I wanted to. Maybe I'm crazy thinking that if you have a "party"/celebration of any kind and you invite friends that your sister introduced you to, you should invite your sister and her family? And where should I go from here? I almost just want Christmas to happen and then cut my brothers out of my life completely...obviously they don't want me around....it sucks not having a siblings or parents to talk to and understand...(my dad sees it all, but won't do crap about it).
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Hey All...I hope that you have a lovely, peaceful beginning of your weekI have a bunch of chores that need doing but may put them off til tomorrow and just hang out with my landlord/roomie todayWhat about you?...Anything special going on?Have a great day and take good care of you!!..Xo
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Once again I've had a fever today. I'm not going to the hospital because that's a huge waste of time but I did schedule a dr appointment for Wednesday afternoon.
Sure family should be close. But what happens when they don't love - and I don't mean lip service? I deleted my own Facebook account, and have never looked back. I saw too many things going on that told me I wasn't too valued to family.
I have to keep my contact with niece, grandchildren, etc. So the best I could do was to "stay friendly" and give my love openly to those who I can see want it.
It hurts. Your parents won't step up. Your friends haven't either. But you know, when family isn't close and loving as it should be, you need to close off as much of your tender heart as possible, and love where love is valued.
I find its not a cop out. Its survival. I can't cry and hurt over and over. So don't you. There are a LOT of very loving people in this world.
That's what we are here for....I hope I have validated your heart, and I hope you will get through Christmas without too much anxiety, darling.
I'd say that he was "close" to his sister, but he wasn't invited to "friend" activities, and likewise his sister wasn't invited to activities we did with friends. It's not that they never happened, but they were very, very seldom.
Just different stages of life. Plus having your older sister around is a bit of a wet blanket...a little bit like having mom around.
So he's in his 20's with a house to his own. Is the music going to be turned up? Drinking? Throw food on paper plates and eat on the floor while watching some movie?
I don't know if he's got a girlfriend, but if he doesn't; Friends don't care if you leave your own party to go home with a girl...family tends to expect you to stick around...
For that matter, did your little brothers tag along when you went out on dates? I'm betting not. It's totally possible the "parties" they're having, are events to invite girls to.
IDK. My advice is to not think of your brother as slighting you, and instead to plan an activity or two to do with your brothers together. And well, if they see and girl and end up leaving to chase after her...to just understand.
To keep going around and around with anger and upset can really put the kibosh in life
If you wanted to you could always host some sort of party or get together?? and invite your whole family?
I know it hurts.... I am also estranged from my brother and I believe on reflection although at one time I wanted to put the blame onto him it has been both of our faults..... Big hug for you and a blessing...x
I think that the only thing that you can do is call them up and talk to them directly. Find out their perceptions. If you don't see eye to eye then space may be the best choice.
No, not all families get along. As people become adults not everyone turns out to be a nice person, or people have different values, religions and politics. Sometimes resentments from childhood spill over too.
You may feel that you've worked through the family conflicts, they may feel differently. And when everyone's got spouses...their opinions count too. Your "boundaries" may be deal breakers to them.
So like I said, call and talk to them.
I'd either confront him and ask what gives and make him own up to it, or just don't let it bother you.
Sorry... family can stink sometimes.
You sound like a very caring person and someone who gets very hurt when others behave in ways that make it seem like they don't care.
Your brother should have thought to invite you to the party and I don't think you are wrong for expecting to have been invited to his new house before now. If I had a new house, I would want to show it to my family right away!
To me, it sounds like your brother is trying to punish you for not bowing done to him. Sometimes people who are always used to getting their way react viciously toward those with backbone. It's possible that he wanted you to see that FB post and know that all of your friends were there, but you were excluded.
It's tough and there is no easy answer to these situations. Lean on those who care about you and don't let his actions influence yours. The next time you have a party, invite him. If he doesn't come, take a deep breath and don't let it ruin your night. Find happiness with those who openly offer it and don't seek it from those who use it as a tool for punishment.
How about checking out the codependency board here on DS?