Family Issues Support Group
Family issues is a huge range that go from minor conflict to major misbehaviour and even abuse on the part of individual members of the family occur. Whether you feel you are in a dysfunctional family or you're dealing with a very specific issue, this is the place to talk about it and find others who might be going through the same thing.
Finally, I think I found the appropriate group for this post. :) First, a brief background...
I am the 50yo mother of an 18yo daughter and 15yo son. Their dad and I divorced (mostly due to my alcoholism - I am now sober for 10+ years) when they were 6 and 3 respectively. I was initially granted custody, but my ex petitioned for custody when it became apparent that I was still struggling with my addiction. By that time, he had a live-in girlfriend whom he married shortly thereafter. My ex and his wife have since had 2 children of their own (ages 7 and 3ish).
So my children have lived with their dad and stepmom for about 13 yrs, and have 2 half-siblings. I am extremely grateful that my ex is able to support them (financially) better than I would have been able to, and also that their stepmom has treated them as her own since day one. I am so grateful that my children were able to grow up in a 2-parent home and have younger siblings.
I live about 1 hr away, and when the kids were younger, I would visit them every other weekend or so. I would pick them up at their home on Friday evening, we would check into a hotel and spend the weekend going places, swimming, having fun etc. They would also come visit me and my current husband during the summer (1 week or so) and over long holiday weekends. As the kids grew older, it was harder to make plans, as they have after school jobs and summer jobs, etc. I still attempt to see them once a month, go have lunch, see a movie, etc. I think we are on good terms, my daughter confides in me, my son and I have fun together. I call, text and email during the week, but sometimes it takes a couple of days to get a response. I realize my kids are busy teenagers (my daughter esp - she is going away to college this fall).
My issue is that I am rarely acknowledged on my birthday or for Mother's Day. Mother's Day most of all. I realize that their stepmom has been "mom" to them most of their lives, and I know they celebrate with her. Is it too much to expect that they would call me or send a card? I don't know if I am being over sensitive or not. Maybe I'm just being selfish.
Any input would be greatly appreciated.
I am the 50yo mother of an 18yo daughter and 15yo son. Their dad and I divorced (mostly due to my alcoholism - I am now sober for 10+ years) when they were 6 and 3 respectively. I was initially granted custody, but my ex petitioned for custody when it became apparent that I was still struggling with my addiction. By that time, he had a live-in girlfriend whom he married shortly thereafter. My ex and his wife have since had 2 children of their own (ages 7 and 3ish).
So my children have lived with their dad and stepmom for about 13 yrs, and have 2 half-siblings. I am extremely grateful that my ex is able to support them (financially) better than I would have been able to, and also that their stepmom has treated them as her own since day one. I am so grateful that my children were able to grow up in a 2-parent home and have younger siblings.
I live about 1 hr away, and when the kids were younger, I would visit them every other weekend or so. I would pick them up at their home on Friday evening, we would check into a hotel and spend the weekend going places, swimming, having fun etc. They would also come visit me and my current husband during the summer (1 week or so) and over long holiday weekends. As the kids grew older, it was harder to make plans, as they have after school jobs and summer jobs, etc. I still attempt to see them once a month, go have lunch, see a movie, etc. I think we are on good terms, my daughter confides in me, my son and I have fun together. I call, text and email during the week, but sometimes it takes a couple of days to get a response. I realize my kids are busy teenagers (my daughter esp - she is going away to college this fall).
My issue is that I am rarely acknowledged on my birthday or for Mother's Day. Mother's Day most of all. I realize that their stepmom has been "mom" to them most of their lives, and I know they celebrate with her. Is it too much to expect that they would call me or send a card? I don't know if I am being over sensitive or not. Maybe I'm just being selfish.
Any input would be greatly appreciated.
As you said teenagers have very busy lives. Even parents living in the same house get left in their dust. So it doesn't surprise me that it's hard to get together with them. As to three days to get a reply to a text ... maybe read some of your texts and ask yourself if they are important. Maybe the kids feel like you are trying too hard? Just a thought.
Mother's day is a tough one. Your kids probably feel just as confused. Has anyone ever talked about it? I think it would be nice for them to spend the actual day with their step-mother and siblings but maybe spend the day before with you. It's sounds like you have stayed in their lives which is great. Another option would be to create a special day to celebrate your relationship. And don't be afraid to remind them when your birthday comes around. Something like "so where should we go for dinner on my birthday" would do the trick to remind them.
All in all it sounds like you have made a success of a hard situation. You deserve credit. But always remember that they are still teenagers...and all that entails :)
What's important is the relationship you have with those you love not a day on the calendar.