Family Issues Support Group
Family issues is a huge range that go from minor conflict to major misbehaviour and even abuse on the part of individual members of the family occur. Whether you feel you are in a dysfunctional family or you're dealing with a very specific issue, this is the place to talk about it and find others who might be going through the same thing.
No matter how i think things have moved forward the truth always comes up. I used to think I was a good person. I put people before myself, kind to family and new people i would meet. Always offer support or a helping hand when needed.
Yet, some how when arguments happen and the truth comes out, apparently i am a completely delusional person it seems. My mom tells me i am not the person she raised. I am mean, selfish, and just a horrible person pretty much. My brothers always get "get out of jail free" cards because one had a traumatic experience at a boarding school age 14 and my second brother was diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes at age 19. So anything they have done in life after those points is excusable to my mother because those traumatic events shaped them.
However, according to my mother my life events weren't traumatic enough. At 12, i found out my father had cancer and that my parents were heading for a divorce. Then the next year my best friend from 1st grade passed away. I then went through HS where because of my brother I was bullied for a couple of years. This of course on top of being bullied by my brothers constantly at home which my parents just wrote off. My family went through some family drama for a couple of years when i was a teen where i served as a human shield for my mother and took the brunt of verbal and sometimes physical abuse. I was pretty much ignored by my immediate family and extended family.
In 2008 both my parents were in a severe car accident and were almost killed. I had to do all the "behind the scenes" with the hospital and then when they came home. Then i get married and proceed to have 3 miscarriages. My parents hate my husband so i have that added drama mainly because he is 11 years my senior and was previously married.
Through all of this in my life, I have loved my family, stood by them, came to help them when needed. I have tried to show kindness and love. But over the years i know i have grown bitter. My bitterness has grown to anger. Now i feel it constantly bubbling below the surface. There are times where i blow my top at my husband where it is something so small but before i know it I am yelling. Then there are times where i blow my stack at my mom for years of things that have happened especially when she tries to defend my brothers. I just don't know anymore. I feel like a complete failure. I have felt like my entire life i have tried my hardest to please people and all people ever tell me is how much i disappoint them and let them down. I feel like I am so close to shutting down inside. I have two small children and honestly if i didn't have them i would probably not get out of bed most days. I just don't know anymore. I need some advice.
Yet, some how when arguments happen and the truth comes out, apparently i am a completely delusional person it seems. My mom tells me i am not the person she raised. I am mean, selfish, and just a horrible person pretty much. My brothers always get "get out of jail free" cards because one had a traumatic experience at a boarding school age 14 and my second brother was diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes at age 19. So anything they have done in life after those points is excusable to my mother because those traumatic events shaped them.
However, according to my mother my life events weren't traumatic enough. At 12, i found out my father had cancer and that my parents were heading for a divorce. Then the next year my best friend from 1st grade passed away. I then went through HS where because of my brother I was bullied for a couple of years. This of course on top of being bullied by my brothers constantly at home which my parents just wrote off. My family went through some family drama for a couple of years when i was a teen where i served as a human shield for my mother and took the brunt of verbal and sometimes physical abuse. I was pretty much ignored by my immediate family and extended family.
In 2008 both my parents were in a severe car accident and were almost killed. I had to do all the "behind the scenes" with the hospital and then when they came home. Then i get married and proceed to have 3 miscarriages. My parents hate my husband so i have that added drama mainly because he is 11 years my senior and was previously married.
Through all of this in my life, I have loved my family, stood by them, came to help them when needed. I have tried to show kindness and love. But over the years i know i have grown bitter. My bitterness has grown to anger. Now i feel it constantly bubbling below the surface. There are times where i blow my top at my husband where it is something so small but before i know it I am yelling. Then there are times where i blow my stack at my mom for years of things that have happened especially when she tries to defend my brothers. I just don't know anymore. I feel like a complete failure. I have felt like my entire life i have tried my hardest to please people and all people ever tell me is how much i disappoint them and let them down. I feel like I am so close to shutting down inside. I have two small children and honestly if i didn't have them i would probably not get out of bed most days. I just don't know anymore. I need some advice.
Know that God loves you and I hope that you were there for your Mom and Dad and brothers because you loved them.
Sometimes the people who hurt us the most are the ones that are closest to us. Don't let anyone tell you that you aren't perfect because your love for your family shows that you have given the best and you will be given treasures in heaven. No matter how much sadness may come your way; don't let the devil whisper in your ear to make you think any of your family doesn't cherish you the most.
What has helped me (I have experienced similar problems with my own relatives) is to focus on MY life, and not put so much focus and energy on theirs. I even go so far as to - when I am feeling particularly vulnerable, such as around holidays and such - make myself too busy so when they try to pull me in to their drama, I have a legitimate excuse as to why I cannot help them or involve myself with them. I cannot lie, I am just not one of those people who can fake a lie to excuse myself from situations. So when I busy myself, not only am I keeping myself at a distance, but I am forcing myself to focus on things I enjoy and that contribute in a positive way to my life.
I like to think of it as weeding the garden. My life is a garden, and I only keep things growing in it that make me happy and that contribute to a healthy and beautiful life.
I hope that helps. :)
First, make an appointment to see a therapist. Let it all out, your frustrations, the mistreatment, the unfairnesses. Let it all out. Then relax, take a deep breath, and exhale. Get some exercise. Get out and do what you like to do. Take the kids and your family with you if they don't cause additional stress. If they do, they can wait till you get back. Take hot baths. Have good sex with your husband. Listen to music that you love. Plant some flowers or vegetables. Watch movies, read, or anything else you like to do.
Then meet the other responsibilities of life head-on. Think positive thoughts. Be happy. Every morning when you get up, tell yourself you are a fantastic, lovely, young woman and this is going to be a great day!
very best,
--EJ