I wrote an earlier post about the issues with my mother and how she holds grudges. We hadn't spoken in over two weeks. The other night I was thinking about a lot of stuff, stuff that was brought up in therapy about my childhood. I had an extreme panic attack, so bad I was gripping the end of my bed trying to breathe. I ran to the bathroom to try and calm down but couldn't. So, despite everything that was going on with my mother I ran into her room and told her I couldn't breathe. She immediately jumped out of bed and tried to calm me down. It was like she turned into a different person. She rubbed my back and told me to breathe and that everything was going to be okay. She kept talking until eventually I started to breathe normally and then asked me what was going on. I came clean and told her I was going to therapy and was thinking about things that happened to me when I was little. We went in my room and talked for two hours straight. I told her things I had been keeping a secret for over sixteen years. It was a completely different conversation than what I was used to. It was like we were actually bonding. We discussed talking to my dad about it and how I can't hold things in because they will build up. Afterwards, she said she would go to therapy with me if I wanted her to. I still can't believe it happened the way it did.

I feel relieved, like a huge weight is off my shoulders. She has been acting different around me, maybe because she understands me more now. Either way I'm just happy that the truth is finally out.

-C