Family Issues Support Group
Family issues is a huge range that go from minor conflict to major misbehaviour and even abuse on the part of individual members of the family occur. Whether you feel you are in a dysfunctional family or you're dealing with a very specific issue, this is the place to talk about it and find others who might be going through the same thing.
I don't have a good relationship with my father. Growing up he was abusive. Straight out of high school I moved out of the house. Ever since then I have been going through an extensive healing process. I still everyday struggle emotionally. Lately I haven't been able to fall asleep till around 4 am. Recently my moms mom went to the hospital so I have been around the family more than I would like to. I know it's not the greatest idea to be around the family but, I love my grandma and want to be there for her.
Yesterday I went to visit my mom for dinner At my grandmas house because she was watching my grandpa. I assumed that I would just be seeing her and grandpa. I was wrong, my father was there. I have already been seeing to much of him lately and I wasnt emotionally prepared to see him. The dinner portion of the night was fine. He only had a short argument with my mom(they argue constantly). The part of the night that bothered me was after dinner. We were sitting in the living room talking about life. I normally stay very superficial with him and we don't talk much. Most of the times when I see him it's at a big family party and accept for saying hi and bye I avoid him. my mom asked how I was doing and whats been going on. So I mentioned what I do at the church. I went into detail about what I spend most of my time doing which is ministry. I told them what my groups are like and what I have been teaching them lately. My father could not hold up his end of the conversation. He corrected part of my teaching(it was a dumb correction. And wasn't even something to be corrected) and cracked a ton of jokes while I was talking. In the middle of this conversation he says,"well, I got to go now." and he left!
It was like he didn't care what I had to say at all. All this time and we never really talk. He's cracking jokes, correcting me And leaves the conversation. I thought he would be desperate to hear what his daughter is doing. I thought he would be excited that I was talking to him. But I guess I was wrong. he didn't encourage me or say anything positive about what I was doing. I am so frustrated. After all that he has done to me I guess a part of me still wants him to care about me like a normal dad. I don't know what it is but I just can't let this go. I keep thinking about him and my sucky relationship with him. Why do I have to have the weird dad? Does he care about me? What am I supposed to do with him? I am not sure how to feel right now. I don't understand why I am effected by this. I should have expected this. Am I making a big deal out of nothing?
Yesterday I went to visit my mom for dinner At my grandmas house because she was watching my grandpa. I assumed that I would just be seeing her and grandpa. I was wrong, my father was there. I have already been seeing to much of him lately and I wasnt emotionally prepared to see him. The dinner portion of the night was fine. He only had a short argument with my mom(they argue constantly). The part of the night that bothered me was after dinner. We were sitting in the living room talking about life. I normally stay very superficial with him and we don't talk much. Most of the times when I see him it's at a big family party and accept for saying hi and bye I avoid him. my mom asked how I was doing and whats been going on. So I mentioned what I do at the church. I went into detail about what I spend most of my time doing which is ministry. I told them what my groups are like and what I have been teaching them lately. My father could not hold up his end of the conversation. He corrected part of my teaching(it was a dumb correction. And wasn't even something to be corrected) and cracked a ton of jokes while I was talking. In the middle of this conversation he says,"well, I got to go now." and he left!
It was like he didn't care what I had to say at all. All this time and we never really talk. He's cracking jokes, correcting me And leaves the conversation. I thought he would be desperate to hear what his daughter is doing. I thought he would be excited that I was talking to him. But I guess I was wrong. he didn't encourage me or say anything positive about what I was doing. I am so frustrated. After all that he has done to me I guess a part of me still wants him to care about me like a normal dad. I don't know what it is but I just can't let this go. I keep thinking about him and my sucky relationship with him. Why do I have to have the weird dad? Does he care about me? What am I supposed to do with him? I am not sure how to feel right now. I don't understand why I am effected by this. I should have expected this. Am I making a big deal out of nothing?
He did not have that parental love and affection for you then so he doesn't have it to show now. It would help you to have a counselor work through all this with you now because eventually usually sex abuse stays with you and will come out negatively in other relationships. It would help give you help that would be for the rest of your life. Many hugs and I'm sorry you went through all that.
A father is supposed to protect his little girl- he did just the opposite.
So why would you think the same man would take a sincere interest in your career? It's out of the realm of possibility.
You deserve a strong male role model, though. You want to make sure you enter into romantic relationships with a good man; not repeating the abuse of your father.
Therapy will take a lifetime- on again, off again. Just get used to that fact. I had to accept that what happened to me the first 18 years will color the rest of my life.
Hugs.
I think you know that deep down the reaction you got from him was what was to be expected except you were hoping for something different.
There does come a point in your life where if a relationship is not healthy, you need to break away from it. I don't know what the extent to the abuse was for you in relation to your father growing up but have you ever asked your mother why he has treated you this way and continues to feel free to do so? Or, was she just as much a victim of his abuse also?
I have thought about establishing boundaries with my mom. Telling her that if she wants to see me my father can not come a long. It's hard to do that when my family already thinks of me as the black sheep of the family. I'm worried that I will further hurt my relationship with my mom if I do that. What do you guys think I should do?