Family Issues Support Group
Family issues is a huge range that go from minor conflict to major misbehaviour and even abuse on the part of individual members of the family occur. Whether you feel you are in a dysfunctional family or you're dealing with a very specific issue, this is the place to talk about it and find others who might be going through the same thing.
I just got this account. I'm shy so I'm not very good at talking about my problems. I worry about people judging me but I'll try here.
Well I'm 27 years old. But I feel like I don't know what to do with my life, and I'm lacking the confidence to move forward. I grew up with a much older brother, and my parents. My parents are still very protective of me. I was a shy kid and I'm still shy. I'm prone to depression, I wish I could be more positive but sometimes it's hard. I know I should be confident and move on to bigger and better things but it's hard, esp. when I feel like I never do anything that makes my family proud anymore. I feel like nothing good happens in my life. I'm unemployed, and getting out of the house is getting hard for me, because I get social anxiety, my fiance works 'till 9pm except on sundays and I don't like going anywhere by myself.
Growing up with an older brother 12 yrs. older than me wasn't easy, neither did me having old-fashioned filipino parents. My parents fought in front of me, my dad has a temper. That wasn't a very good example for me. As a shy person, I never had much of a social life, some of my few close friends I actually made, my parents didn't like so they forbid me from seeing them. My parents can be hard to please. My brother and I are so different from each other, sometimes he acts like my dad and tells me what to do. And my brother is outgoing and has everything going for him.
I've been engaged since Jan. '08, but I'm hurt 'cause my family aren't supportive. My parents and brother(who has never met my fiance) weren't accepting of my fiance for a long time. My parents are okay with my fiance now, but my brother still seems to not like him. It's hard, 'cause my fiance's family and friends are very supportive and happy for us. My fiance and I had to date secretly for 3 1/2 yrs. until nearly 4 yrs. ago. Mainly because my fiance was a friend of my ex, so my parents forbid me from seeing my fiance 7 yrs. ago. And I was 20 at that time. An adult.
I was struggling with college 'cause I had a major I didn't like, and my parents were paying for my tuition. I dropped out because I wasn't doing well in my classes and my dad didn't want me wasting his money anymore. Then I was forced to move to Vegas to live with my brother and sis-in-law/nephew since my parents couldn't support me anymore. I hated being in a long-distance relationship and being away from friends. Then I didn't get along with my brother and sis-in-law so I moved in with co-workers. I finally moved back to Ohio(I'm living with my fiance and his parents) three months ago after a year and a half of living in Vegas. I was lonely there in Vegas, and I missed my fiance(who proposed while visiting me in Vegas).
And now I'm feeling depressed 'cause I'm 27 yrs. old, my parents are still really protective and worrisome of me, my dad still treats me like a baby, and I don't have a job right now. It's hard finding a job here. I want to go back to school to get a medical billing and coding certificate, but I'm not sure if I should allow my parents to pay for my tuition. Since my mom wants to help anyway. Though I know my parents being protective made it hard for me to be confident and independent,to really be a grown adult, I feel like it's also my fault too 'cause I was so shy and I screwed up with school and I'm such a dissapointment.
My parents don't want my fiance and I to marry soon 'till my fiance is done with college and I finish college and we both have good jobs, which may be forever, so my fiance and I don't have a date set. It sucks 'cause my fiance and I want to start on wedding plans, but we don't know where to start, esp. with my family not being supportive. My mom calls me all the time, dad sometimes too, I wish they would stop being so protective.
My parents weren't into me living with my fiance and his parents because they think it will look bad but they have to accept that I won't live with them again. I see my mom once a week when she drops off food. I only saw my dad once since back in Ohio, briefly last April.
My dad is a doctor so my parents care too much about what their friends and others think. They want me to lay low here in Ohio so that others don't know I'm back and find out I'm not done with college. They don't even want me to get a retail job 'cause they're afraid people they know will see me. I can't stand it that they want to save face so much.
I haven't talked to my brother in three months, last time I talked to him, he was mad at me. He thinks my fiance is a bad influence, even though my fiance didn't do anything and it's actually me who has screwed up with school. My brother thinks I'm immature and doesn't understand me at all.
Sorry if this is soooo long, I hope I don't sound crazy. I just need to vent because I don't feel like a 27 yr. old adult and I feel like no one else can relate to me. I may be shy but I like getting to know other people. I'm willing to listen to other peoples' problems too and help them out.
Well I'm 27 years old. But I feel like I don't know what to do with my life, and I'm lacking the confidence to move forward. I grew up with a much older brother, and my parents. My parents are still very protective of me. I was a shy kid and I'm still shy. I'm prone to depression, I wish I could be more positive but sometimes it's hard. I know I should be confident and move on to bigger and better things but it's hard, esp. when I feel like I never do anything that makes my family proud anymore. I feel like nothing good happens in my life. I'm unemployed, and getting out of the house is getting hard for me, because I get social anxiety, my fiance works 'till 9pm except on sundays and I don't like going anywhere by myself.
Growing up with an older brother 12 yrs. older than me wasn't easy, neither did me having old-fashioned filipino parents. My parents fought in front of me, my dad has a temper. That wasn't a very good example for me. As a shy person, I never had much of a social life, some of my few close friends I actually made, my parents didn't like so they forbid me from seeing them. My parents can be hard to please. My brother and I are so different from each other, sometimes he acts like my dad and tells me what to do. And my brother is outgoing and has everything going for him.
I've been engaged since Jan. '08, but I'm hurt 'cause my family aren't supportive. My parents and brother(who has never met my fiance) weren't accepting of my fiance for a long time. My parents are okay with my fiance now, but my brother still seems to not like him. It's hard, 'cause my fiance's family and friends are very supportive and happy for us. My fiance and I had to date secretly for 3 1/2 yrs. until nearly 4 yrs. ago. Mainly because my fiance was a friend of my ex, so my parents forbid me from seeing my fiance 7 yrs. ago. And I was 20 at that time. An adult.
I was struggling with college 'cause I had a major I didn't like, and my parents were paying for my tuition. I dropped out because I wasn't doing well in my classes and my dad didn't want me wasting his money anymore. Then I was forced to move to Vegas to live with my brother and sis-in-law/nephew since my parents couldn't support me anymore. I hated being in a long-distance relationship and being away from friends. Then I didn't get along with my brother and sis-in-law so I moved in with co-workers. I finally moved back to Ohio(I'm living with my fiance and his parents) three months ago after a year and a half of living in Vegas. I was lonely there in Vegas, and I missed my fiance(who proposed while visiting me in Vegas).
And now I'm feeling depressed 'cause I'm 27 yrs. old, my parents are still really protective and worrisome of me, my dad still treats me like a baby, and I don't have a job right now. It's hard finding a job here. I want to go back to school to get a medical billing and coding certificate, but I'm not sure if I should allow my parents to pay for my tuition. Since my mom wants to help anyway. Though I know my parents being protective made it hard for me to be confident and independent,to really be a grown adult, I feel like it's also my fault too 'cause I was so shy and I screwed up with school and I'm such a dissapointment.
My parents don't want my fiance and I to marry soon 'till my fiance is done with college and I finish college and we both have good jobs, which may be forever, so my fiance and I don't have a date set. It sucks 'cause my fiance and I want to start on wedding plans, but we don't know where to start, esp. with my family not being supportive. My mom calls me all the time, dad sometimes too, I wish they would stop being so protective.
My parents weren't into me living with my fiance and his parents because they think it will look bad but they have to accept that I won't live with them again. I see my mom once a week when she drops off food. I only saw my dad once since back in Ohio, briefly last April.
My dad is a doctor so my parents care too much about what their friends and others think. They want me to lay low here in Ohio so that others don't know I'm back and find out I'm not done with college. They don't even want me to get a retail job 'cause they're afraid people they know will see me. I can't stand it that they want to save face so much.
I haven't talked to my brother in three months, last time I talked to him, he was mad at me. He thinks my fiance is a bad influence, even though my fiance didn't do anything and it's actually me who has screwed up with school. My brother thinks I'm immature and doesn't understand me at all.
Sorry if this is soooo long, I hope I don't sound crazy. I just need to vent because I don't feel like a 27 yr. old adult and I feel like no one else can relate to me. I may be shy but I like getting to know other people. I'm willing to listen to other peoples' problems too and help them out.
*Hugs*
Sabrina
Seems you are between 'a rock and hard place'. I'm so sorry you have not been able to be you, closer. An intelligent 27 year old woman.
I agree with 17butterf ... message.
You are an adult in the 21st Century living in America and in this day and age, you need a college degree to find a good paying job. Employers in the current economy have 'the very best of the best' to choose from for job openings.
It's wrong for your parents to pick your career for you. If you don't like medical coding/billing you will end up dreading your work and that's not healthy. The normal hours for anybody working in an office is 8 hours a day, 40 hours a week - sure there are flex hours but 40 hours a week is necessary to make a decent wage.
I heard this saying somewhere and it is so true, find a job you love, and you'll never work a day in your life.
It is not easy to break away from cultural expectations and values. I can't imagine.
It's easy for me to say, harder to actually do it.
That you do not feel you have performed well in college doesn't matter. You can always start over again. If one isn't interested in the courses necessary for your degree of course you are not going to do your very best.
As far as finances, you can apply for grants to pay for your tuition, books, materials and living expenses. There are tons of "grants" available and there are student loans that are low interest and give you 10 years or more to pay back. You don't have to pay on these loans until 6 months after you stop attending college. So, you could take out a student loan, get a part-time job, rent a room and put youself through college. It is very doeable!
Seems like your parents and brother are not going to approve of anything YOU want to do and they seem to want you to remain 'under their thumb' and you musn't do this or that because 'they think it will look bad.'
When we get married, we leave our parents home and start a new life with our spouse.
You can't please everybody else except yourself not yourself and become a whole person.
It's not fair for you to forget about your own needs, passions and desires. Truly, you will end up feeling miserable and robbed of your potential.
Your college should offer free mental health counseling and physical health problems too. It would be wise for you to see a counselor. The counselor will be educated in these matters and can help you discover personal and professional goals.
You are not crazy. You want a life separate from your parents. Believe in yourself. You can be anything you want to be if you work hard enough.
That your brother says you are immature is his problem and like your parents, he wants you to be a "pleaser". Doing anything outside the Fillipino culture is termed "bad" and that's so not right.
If you read the threads here...you will see how many of us have been affected by our dysfunctional families.
No one can make us happy until we love/like ourselves. You deserve happiness!
Take care.