Family Issues Support Group
Family issues is a huge range that go from minor conflict to major misbehaviour and even abuse on the part of individual members of the family occur. Whether you feel you are in a dysfunctional family or you're dealing with a very specific issue, this is the place to talk about it and find others who might be going through the same thing.
I am married 30 year old female. I am the oldest of 3 children. I have 2 brothers one 28 and another 24. All my life I've been reponsiable and a leader...but a pushover when it comes to my family. I love them all so much but my moms favorites are the boys they can do no wrong. I'm getting tired of feeling like an outcast. I make sure there is a gift and cake for every birthday, anniversary, Christmas, mother's day, father's day...you get the point. A lot of times my brothers want to buy big gifts and split the cost...sometimes I say no that it is too much...sometimes I give in, but then some how someway I get screwed out of money. Like they forget and if I ask they get all pissy and call me a tight ass and how I have more money because I have two incomes because I'm married. But I am a home owner and a saver...I got a call from my brother tonight asking me what I wanted when I called him earlier...Anyways I told him and he said he was at a BBQ completion all day. I told him I wish I would have known...I would have liked to come he said "oh sorry...everyone else knew cause I see and talk to them"...that really hurt me. Like i dont matter enough. Apparently my whole family went and my husband and I weren't invited. I'm tried of trying to think about others and do the right thing but get treated like I don't belong. Anytime I say something to my dad he says he knows...but can't do anything. If I say something to my mom it is all my fault. I don't hang out with my family much anymore because of all this and I don't have the same things in common (mainly pissing off money buying toys and drinking). I just want my brothers to be my friends supportive love me...take responsibility... Maybe call me once in awhile without needing something. Does anyone know how this feels or am I overreacting...just venting ...thanks for your time!!!
First off I would stop the group gifts, do what you want alone. Then if you want do the cakes but only if you want and if it's for your parents make them bring something.
Being included is tougher. It sounds like you really don't like your brothers so why do you want to hang out with them? If you feel they are excluding you then confront them. I'd be very mad and yelling at them that it's ok for them to expect you to invite them for birthdays and holidays but they can't take the time to call you? If he talks to everyone else why couldn't he call you?
Grown up siblings are tough. Some stay close, some go their own ways and some become enemies. And both parties have to want the same thing so we don't always get what we want. If it's important to you I would call both brothers together and tell them how you feel.
I think that's okay, we all work to save for retirement but others spend a little more freely which they just might resent a more cost effective approach.
Not all families stay close as the years go by. Everyone just gets caught up in their lives. I would talk to them like Tigg stated and see where that takes you.
You have your priorities straight and are successful as a result. Them??? Not so much.
I'd stop looking for their approval and know that you are fine the way you are. They just don't want to be reminded of how inferior they are.