Family Issues Support Group
Family issues is a huge range that go from minor conflict to major misbehaviour and even abuse on the part of individual members of the family occur. Whether you feel you are in a dysfunctional family or you're dealing with a very specific issue, this is the place to talk about it and find others who might be going through the same thing.
We lived in different states and I've been helping her financially all this year with my own savings towards retirement. Finally I said you can't find a job (she doesn't try and was living on unemployment and sons social security). Now both have run out and I can't keep sending money for Lord knows what she's using it for. I have spent over $4,000 and now I have barely enough to feed us and pay my bills. I am very depressed because I don't see her making an effort to take care of herself. I don't know what to do. I don't want to fight with her because I'm a little afraid of her and have PTSD from a very abuse marriage (it's over). I also have some grave illnesses and any stress causes my pain levels to shoot up. It was my idea for her to move home and it's only been 2 weeks. Guess I shouldn't be so impatient but she doesn't talk to me about what she's going thru and I don't want to push her too much. I just want her to find a job and build a life for herself. She's college educated and has many skills.
She's a good woman with a heart of gold, but has very low self-esteem, and I'm hoping other family members will be able to help her where she won't let me. I have done so much for her, but it's like it's expected of me, and she gives no thought to what it's doing to my life. I am 65 and semi-retired and on social security (SSDI) and have no pension and need to start saving again to replace the funds used on her crisises. Any thoughts would be appreciated. Thanks for letting me vent.
She's a good woman with a heart of gold, but has very low self-esteem, and I'm hoping other family members will be able to help her where she won't let me. I have done so much for her, but it's like it's expected of me, and she gives no thought to what it's doing to my life. I am 65 and semi-retired and on social security (SSDI) and have no pension and need to start saving again to replace the funds used on her crisises. Any thoughts would be appreciated. Thanks for letting me vent.
If I were you I would set a deadline. Tell her to get any kind of job even if it's in a convienence store. Once she gets motivated again she should be able to move up. But sitting home is the worst thing to do.
I am a daughter who got divorced at one point in my life and was so ashamed to tell my mother the things I was going through in my life..This was 22 years ago..I didn't even bother to give my mother a phone call for 3 years..One day my mother thought I was dead..she sent the police to my door, they took me out of my home and put me in the back of a police car.. My heart was racing because I had been doing something illegal to make ends meet...I thought I was busted..I didn't say a word..But the officer just talked to me about why I kicked my family out of my life and how they loved me and just wanted to know I was alive..
I saved some money and bought a used mobil home because I was so ashamed to go back to my mothers home..I lived in shelters til I could save some money, worked 3 jobs, went to college...I did this because I had seen my older sister whom got divorced and moved in with my mother. She used my mother, getting everything she needed for her daughter. My mom paid the bills for clothes, food you name it...I viewed it as wrong..and could not do that..
I got by just fine, I went to the food banks, and tried to scrimp and save any way I could. I didn't get welfare or food stamps...sometimes I only had 1 ramon noodle soup to feed myself and 3 kids..But I made it..
I know you as a mother love your child with all your heart..But sometimes you have to have a little tuff love..I agree with tig below you need to give her a deadline..and then it is too bad, find a shelter, or save a little money to buy a mobil home..If you do not do this and stand your grounds you are only breading a woman who becomes a user, and will have no survival skills for many more tough times to come..
My sister to this day has never stood on her own and learned the lessons..she is a modern day thief..filing bankruptcy 2 times..lost her home because she never learned..
I had to survive and raise my children alone..I learned how to stetch a penny so thin you could see through it..I am a far better person for it today..I thank my mother today for not bailing me out because I would not be where I am today..she is proud of me for the such..
My sisters relationship is strained between my mother and her..she only learned how to use people to get what she wants and when she didn't get it there was no real love..nor respect...these traites are an important factor for survival today..
Huggs to you for trying to do your best for what you think is right, but do please take care of yourself first..There is help out there for your daughter, it is up to her to get motivated to do so..Please give her the grounds to make her be a survivor that she needs to be..she did not do anything wise with the 4 grand you did give her, I doubt she will make any wise decisions concerning anything else..
I scrimped and saved every penny to live on my own in a 2 bd trailer..she needs to do the same..TP are not as bad as they are made out to be..we had plenty potlucks, and a pool and weight room..all for 400 a month..cheaper than rent..
Best wishes to you and her for this matter..I will keep you in my prayers that you be strong enough to show her a little tuff love..