Family Issues Support Group
Family issues is a huge range that go from minor conflict to major misbehaviour and even abuse on the part of individual members of the family occur. Whether you feel you are in a dysfunctional family or you're dealing with a very specific issue, this is the place to talk about it and find others who might be going through the same thing.
gonna make this as short as possible and give you as much as i can, cause this could get long winded,
i am 44, my real father left when i was 5 months old, he moved to a different state, he stayed in letter contact with my mother but never gave her financial support
when i was like 6 he wanted to see me, my mom would not let him, cause he never gave her money and he walked away, he chose alcohol over family.
anyhow this is the story i was told, he came up to pennsylvania when i was 6 and was supposedly going to just take me, i had no idea what he looked like, so i was afraid of every man i saw.
nothing happened, later when i was 15 i had some issues and i attempted suicide, i met him while in the hospital, he began to give my mom money and would send lots of things to me, trying to buy my affection. then poof one day gone.
fast forward, i was in my 30's now married and i had one daughter at the time. i found him again, this time living in florida we talkked he made a bunch of false promises and then disappeared again.
again fast forward to 2 years ago. i found him on facebook. we talked and emailed, and he even sent me money to buy my daughters presents for xmas, anyhow i emailed him some things i thought maybe he would like to know about me things that i either acheived or happened to me, and he pretty much told me ok thats nice. i tried to start a relationship with him and see where it could go, and felt it was one sided on my end.
i emailed him and thanked him for what he did seding the money to buy my daughters the things he did and told him i was not going to email him anymore because i felt that he was only trying to make good his errors and he truly did not want to have any kind of relationship with me, anyhow did i do the right thing? or was it wrong,
i am 44, my real father left when i was 5 months old, he moved to a different state, he stayed in letter contact with my mother but never gave her financial support
when i was like 6 he wanted to see me, my mom would not let him, cause he never gave her money and he walked away, he chose alcohol over family.
anyhow this is the story i was told, he came up to pennsylvania when i was 6 and was supposedly going to just take me, i had no idea what he looked like, so i was afraid of every man i saw.
nothing happened, later when i was 15 i had some issues and i attempted suicide, i met him while in the hospital, he began to give my mom money and would send lots of things to me, trying to buy my affection. then poof one day gone.
fast forward, i was in my 30's now married and i had one daughter at the time. i found him again, this time living in florida we talkked he made a bunch of false promises and then disappeared again.
again fast forward to 2 years ago. i found him on facebook. we talked and emailed, and he even sent me money to buy my daughters presents for xmas, anyhow i emailed him some things i thought maybe he would like to know about me things that i either acheived or happened to me, and he pretty much told me ok thats nice. i tried to start a relationship with him and see where it could go, and felt it was one sided on my end.
i emailed him and thanked him for what he did seding the money to buy my daughters the things he did and told him i was not going to email him anymore because i felt that he was only trying to make good his errors and he truly did not want to have any kind of relationship with me, anyhow did i do the right thing? or was it wrong,
I would leave the door open. If some day he is ready for a relationship, of any type, then he knows where to find you. In the meantime enjoy your family.
At least your dad made some sort of an effort with the money, etc. Mine couldn't give a crap less about me.
You're a parent and so am I- I know I could never walk away from one of my kids and I'm sure you wouldn't either. As far as I'm concerned, I had no father and never will. That's something he gave up when he left me as a child. After the bullshit from our 'reunion', I have made the decision that I will never see him, talk to him, or have him in my life again. I'm not mad at him, but I think everyone comes to a point where they have to put an end to hurtful people in their lives. Cut the cancer out, so to speak.
Anyways, I wouldn't worry about him, or feel guilt over your decision. He clearly doesn't feel any over his.
I'd leave things open with him - but i would expect nothing so you are not disappointed and hurt again.
I agree that this isn't really about you - it is about your dad's inability to maintain a relationship. I'm betting he has no close relationships in his life of any length. You sound like you are a good dad to your daughters - I'd concentrate on them - not your dad.
So.....while I said this is not about you - oh yes it is. It's about your hurt feelings and that matters. Please protect yourself from your dad's careless behavior.
Now, I just take what I can get. He is old,drunk,and alone. If I visit and get one hour with him sober.... it's ok. He can't change and he is sick. I am sure it is nothing you did...... he just doesn't know how to have a healthy relationship. Try not to take it too personal