Family Issues Support Group
Family issues is a huge range that go from minor conflict to major misbehaviour and even abuse on the part of individual members of the family occur. Whether you feel you are in a dysfunctional family or you're dealing with a very specific issue, this is the place to talk about it and find others who might be going through the same thing.
My mom is one of those people who should have never had kids... She is a drug addict, left my dad and convinced us growing up that he was gonna kidnap us and hurts us (not true at all) and has been with my "Step-dad" for like 14 years now, who is a drug addict, alcoholic and likes to beat up on women and kids. My mom is a liar, and almost everything she says is a lie. She is very self-centered and selfish... (We live in southern Texas, summer's usually consited of 98-105 degree weather EVERY DAY and the only room in the house that was allowed to have the AC on during the day was her bedroom, or our living room if her friends were over... She abandoned us for 3 months when I was like 13, and I was left to care for my 11 year old brother and 9 year old sister on our own. We only managed to get by because my stepdad (who had been arrested for abusing us, then moved out to live with his sister) kept the electricity on because it was in his dad's name, worked for the local water department and I stole my mom's food stamp card to buy groceries for us kids... She kicked my brother out and sent him hundreds of miles away to live with my grandparents when he was 14... Because my stepdad told her that my brother was getting big enough to start fighting back and he wasn't going to go to jail over my brother... And one of them would end up dead or in jail. So my mom chose my stepdad and kicked my brother out. My mom has a lot of health issues (partly because of the substance abuse problems) and I took care of her when she was around growing up... A week after I graduated high school she threw me out on the streets... For spending 3 afternoons with the man who is now my husband (and not spending them with her for once). A couple days ago I got a call from my little sister who was hysterical saying my mom was in a car accident and was life-flighted... The whole ride to the hospital I felt guilty for not talking to her or forgiving her for all she has done wrong to us in our lives.... I seriously thought she was dead. They don't life flight you around here unless it's bad.... She was ok, and everything is fine now... My question is, should I try and rebuild things with her or continue to keep her out of my life? what would you do in my situation?
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grill tonight with charcoal.....turned out good but had some stuff that I had to feed to Belle and Happy because it was grissley. it tasted pretty good and was a perfect mid rare....
I mean, has she gotten rid of the "step dad"? Is she still into the substance abuse problems?
I find you can't fix a relationship unless the big problems are taken away first.
If you go back in now, and those factors are still present, chances are she will just try to use you and walk all over you.
But if she's sobered up and realized that the guy wasn't good for her or her family I'd say there was a good shot that she was ready for healing of her family.
I'm an adult child of an alcholic parent. Currently making hard decisions to stop helping her when she is drinking, no matter what.
I love my mom, but i can no longer tolerate her behavior.
Best of luck and lots of love to you. *hugs*
She passed the drug test at the hospital, so I know she wasn't smoking weed... But I still have a feeling she is still abusing her prescription drugs. The car accident she was in was caused by her friend who was driving after abusing prescription drugs... She swerved, went into a very big ditch and flipped her truck. Had they not been wearing seatbelts they both probably would have died...
My husband and I plan to tell her that she will not be allowed around our future children (if we have children, we have had 4 miscarriages) unless she passes a hair follicle drug test and goes to rehab/counseling. Things will never be "ok" between me and her, but I thought she was dead the other day and I couldn't live with that... I am thinking that at most, we'll be talking on a "friendly" basis and not mother/daughter closeness ever again... I don't know yet.
Hopefully it'll happen for you *hugs*
I'm not sure I want to try again. I think I'd rather get my act together, and maybe be a foster mom or adopt someday. :)
You might want to try establishing a new relationship with your mom. Meet in public places for coffee. Take it slow and show her that you are an adult. When you meet as equals you might find a different person, one you can have a relationship with.
Maybe not even that far, how about taken some responsibility for her and or the life she has created.. that includes her children.
Usually that doesn`t happen unless someone is in recovery.
But I`am not in your shoes.. Its totally up to you.
I wish you peace in this New Year! You certainly deserve it.
if that was me in ur situation, id tell mom u r on ur own u decided to become worthless so go fix ur own problems thats basically what my sister and i tell our mom. i wouldnt waste my time trying to rebuild anything she should have done that years ago and gotten her life back on track now its too late.
so, she chose ur stepdad over u and ur siblings just she chose my sorry dad over her kids too and still does today yet cant stand my dad. both of my parents are narcissis ewww disgusting! thats just me i wouldnt do a damn for her at all....
I have to agree with Beloved, if your mom is still using and the situation has'nt changed, there is nothing you can do to change it or make it better no matter how hard you try. I can understand how you would feel badly had your mother died, but atleast you are admitting that you and her will not be close (as long as she is still doing the drugs). That's a start anyway. Good luck to you and take care of you!
Your childhood sounds alot like mine. Moving away is the best thing little one..
However, as time passes know this: you cannot change what has happened in your own childhood but... you can take your mothers mistakes and mold yourself how you want to be to your own children someday, and use her mistakes to make you the Best mother!
My mother is in my life on my terms. If I am there with my children, and she opens a bottle of beer, I say nothing! but I pack my children up and exit without a word. Its pointless to argue in front of your children or with a abuser of any kind.
Once you get older.... if your mom is ever sober like mine :) Thanks God! She is a Wonderful grandmother, and my relationship is the best it has ever been with her.
You yourself cannot change anyone, but patterns yourself might have learned being in an abusive home!
Dont dwell on what happened to you, make changes for yourself!
Dont add stress of her life into yours! take a step back and live for you! Smile & be happy you are grown and away from those living conditions now, and journal out your pain!
I hope this helps! Smooch!
I can relate...I'm not blowing smoke out my ass....I have the same thing with my mom - abuser, alcoholic, etc. etc. etc...but, for whatever crazy mindset reason, I can't cut her out, BUT, I don't let her crazy in anymore either. She is fricken nuts, BUT, my kids deserve a grandma, and she's not hurt them - but if she does, that is my cutoff - I made the decision a long time ago, I can protect them with her distant occasional crazy, but if ever she comes close to physical harm or long term emotional harm - she's out. For now, I invite her and include her to family functions, I attempt (used lightly) to include her as part of the 'loop', but I also know she will not show up, not care, not come, or have some smart ass comment or snide remark, or LIE. So, I have reduced my expectations significantly with her (whether it be 'mom' or 'gamma' role) but I have allowed myself to continue with my personal feeling of moral obligations to my mother.
:) HUGS