Family & Friends of Cancer Patients Support Group
This community is dedicated to parents, siblings, grandparents, other relatives, friends and caretakers of cancer patients. It's difficult to find a safe place to talk about caring for a loved one with cancer, and so this group serves as an open forum to foster positivity and support for those going through this tough time.
Good day everyone. I came here for support, I found out a couple days ago that my aunt has terminal cancer. I understand terminal and I understand cancer, but I dont understand both of them together. I am confused as to how to feel, what to expect, Her sister, my other aunt told me today they are giving her 6 months to live. Do I hope for a miracle? or do I prepare for her time to end here on earth with us?
She just had a chemo yesterday, is it ok for me to go visit her after she goes through this kind of treatment?
I only dealt with this once a long time ago, it was easy because I lived in the home with my mom. I don't mean easy, but naturally i had to be there with her. Now its hard because i don't know what to expect. With the chemo and her not feeling well.I guess I just need some encouragement and some feedback. My dad is taking it hard.
He tends to pull away from us when things like this happen. I am the "oldest" of his kids. I have one older sister, but she always pushes me to the front of the line to deal with stuff. So I get to deal with our dad when he gets moody and angry and distant. God help me with this one.
On top of that we just had the one year memorial of his other sister who died from breast cancer, and at the beginning of this month her husband and her son passed away from alcohol related incidences. Now we are looking at another death.How much more can our family take. WAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!! That is how I feel right now. I just want to throw a big huge tantrum. It's just so unfair.That is all I have to say for now. Thank you.
She just had a chemo yesterday, is it ok for me to go visit her after she goes through this kind of treatment?
I only dealt with this once a long time ago, it was easy because I lived in the home with my mom. I don't mean easy, but naturally i had to be there with her. Now its hard because i don't know what to expect. With the chemo and her not feeling well.I guess I just need some encouragement and some feedback. My dad is taking it hard.
He tends to pull away from us when things like this happen. I am the "oldest" of his kids. I have one older sister, but she always pushes me to the front of the line to deal with stuff. So I get to deal with our dad when he gets moody and angry and distant. God help me with this one.
On top of that we just had the one year memorial of his other sister who died from breast cancer, and at the beginning of this month her husband and her son passed away from alcohol related incidences. Now we are looking at another death.How much more can our family take. WAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!! That is how I feel right now. I just want to throw a big huge tantrum. It's just so unfair.That is all I have to say for now. Thank you.
My best advice: Maybe a little of both, but more than anything, enjoy and cherish the time you have now. Try to value the present. she IS still here with you. She does still have the ability to smile and love.
Don't mourn her death while she is alive. Try not to anticipate her death, try to put that energy into the happy things you will do with her or talk to her about next time you see her.
This is how I have gotten through the many many deaths in my family, and how I am getting through my cousins terminal cancer.
My great uncle wrote a book called "The Key to Cancer"
I've never read it but I have talked to him about it. It is based on the concept of quality trumping quantity. It is important though to note that he will be the first to say that there is no true cure to cancer (yet). That it is NO ONES FAULT. and if someone does not win their battle to cancer it is NOT THEIR FAULT.
It was him who really pushed (although he will also say he didnt coin) the concept that faith and such things CAN (note: not WILL) prolong life in cancer patients. -These are the "miracles" that we can say are real.
That is what I needed to hear. I really do need to cherish her, I really already do, she was the one who saved me from being adopted away to other family, she summoned my family to come take me. I am so honored to have her. Just that one gesture saved me from being gave away to total strangers, so I am so glad that she was in my life.
She is the traditional one in our family, she knows how to take care of our family during our celebrations and our times of loss. So I hope I have learned everything I could with her. again thank you for the good words. blessing and prayers.
With chemo it depends on the person. Some people get sicker than others. If she is up to seeing you always remember to use antibacterial hand wash/gel and NEVER go there when ill even a small cold or sniffle.
If you can't see her there are many other ways to help. For example, help with her shopping to make sure she gets fresh healthy food. Either fetch it yourself or arrange for it to be delivered. Some tips with food: my mum found it helped to eat small meal/snacks throughout the day rather than 3 big meals, and to eat raw and fresh foods as cooking smells made her ill.
Apart from that if she has any interests, encourage them. My mum loved audiobooks when she was too sick to read so we got her an mp3 player and downloaded them on it.
In terms of miracle vs ending I say prepare for both. She may want/need you to attend appointments with her. Help her keep track of all meds she is taking, what dose and when, and everything the doctors say to her. If she is too sick this might be where you come in. Try to help her get the best treatments for her. It is good you are coming here to research this.
But really it is up to her what she wants and needs from you.
Have you and other family members considered some sort of therapy or counselling? It might help after all you have been through just to talk to someone neutral and trained to help.
Sending hugs!