Family & Friends of Cancer Patients Support Group

This community is dedicated to parents, siblings, grandparents, other relatives, friends and caretakers of cancer patients. It's difficult to find a safe place to talk about caring for a loved one with cancer, and so this group serves as an open forum to foster positivity and support for those going through this tough time.

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Shannag43 07/23/2009

Just a quick background on myself. I am 23 and recently married. My husband is a student and is bringing in a limited salary right now, so I need to get a job. I am a trained teacher and have just graduated. I also have a lot of experience, however, this doesn't seem to help, as I can't even find a min. wage position. My mother has a very rare soft tissue cancer that she has been dealing with for about 15 years. It has recently spread to her lungs and the doctors think (although what do doctors know) that she has about 5 years left. I feel like I need to have a baby soon, so that I am able to experience having a child while my mom is still around. However, I need to work to bring in enough money to get by. If I'm working, there won't be anyone to take care of the baby. Its just a vicious cycle. If my mom isn't there to share the experience of my first child with me, I don't feel like I would be able to do it, because I would feel like I wouldn't be able to be happy about being a mom, I would just feel sad about not having my mom there. I wish that there was a way that I could make money and have a baby, but I guess I can't have my cake and eat it too. I just don't want to wait to long, because then I will just regret not having my mom there. We are all very family oriented, and having a grandchild would be the best thing my mom would experience. I want more than anything to have a child, but I just don't see anyway to do this. I just really needed to get that off my chest.

deleted_user 07/27/2009

Hi Shannaq

That is a hard situation. I think getting a steady wage is the priority for the time being, if you have a child it is important to be able to support them financially. Teaching is a good job to have with a child, my mum was a teacher and you can fit it around children. Jobseeking is tough for everyone right now with the bad economic situation.

I have experiences with several family members where they were told they had x amount of years left and some passed away before that, others lived for another 10 years. My gran had lung cancer twenty years ago, they removed most of her lungs and the doctors thought she only had a short time left, and she is still going now. The truth is doctors just don't know for sure.

When will your husband graduate? Will he be able to find a job soon after that? I mean, are his studies vocational or would he need to work unpaid to gain experience and get back into the job market? What state benefits would you be entitled to if you did choose to have a baby? Could you manage on that? What savings do the two of you have and how long could you make them last?

deleted_user 08/06/2009

I can definitely understand you wanting your mom there to share your pregnancy and birth of your child, however, I also understand the importance of money. Is it possible to get a job as a substitute teacher in your school district? At least in WV, substituting pays well and would give you the flexibility to be home with a baby.
Good Luck!
Rachel

Shannag43 08/09/2009

Thank you both for the replies. Unfortunetly, it is not possible to even supply at the board where I am living (I am in Ontario) We are in a University town with a HUGE education department, so all of the students that went to that school get the jobs first, I did my degree elsewhere. My husband won't graduate for at least another 4 years, and thats if hes lucky. He will be able to get a job immediatly afterwards, they make sure of it. We have very little savings as rent is high and I just got out of school, so we haven't had time to save yet. Also, I am not able to get maternity leave, as you must work for at least one year to qualify. I have still not found a position and it has been about 2 1/2 months of full time job searching now, it is getting desperate!

deleted_user 08/10/2009

I understand exactly what you mean. I just lost my mom on July 23rd of this yr and I'm the only one out of 7 that never gave her a grandchild. She always said that was a good thing but now when I do I have to explain to my child that she/he never got to know how great of a woman their grandmother was and how she fought hard for so long....it's a tough thing to think. The only thing that gives me piece of mind is that I know she was proud of me for not rushing to have a child. If your mother isn't around when u do have a child I think you'll still be a great mother regardless. The reason I know is because it's the way she raised YOU while she was alive...

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