Are you going to any sort of counselling? You can either ring a helpline to let off steam or arrange something more long term. Do you have anyone else to share the workload?

I think that the experts say these thoughts are normal. Do what you can for your mom. Talk to her, it's the best advice I can give. Be open with her about your feelings and let her be open with you about hers. It's helped my mom and I a lot.

What you are feeling is normal. No one wants to see a loved become ill, and it is difficult to be the scapegoat who absorbs all their frustration. To remaim strong, some Christian counseling can help. It provides a safe place to vent these emotions, and helps to reframe guilt and sadness with prayer and affirmation. We were not meant to cope with life's problems in a vacuum; we need a community of friends, and profssionals to help. Eventually you will move beyond this point, and you can pass it forward! Blessings.

this is probably not going to help how you feel exactly buuut... just thought i'd add that i feel EXACTLY the same right now!!! - Ive been my mums main caregiver since last july as she goes through cancer treatment... and ive just got on with it and done everything on my own, and been the scapegoat throughout it... (and felt angry, upset, resentful etc)

i then went out last thursday and ended up in a right state - i then had a bit of an emotional breakdown to my employers/friends and as i was drunk it all came out about how i do everything and she never appreciates it and probably more but i cant remember much about it i was that drunk and emotional...

Ive just got back from taking her into the hospital (its now 4.40am here) and i feel so so so guilty about what i said!!!...

Just a thought though - ive done a lot of thinking on it over the past few hours and im not sure weather it really is guilt about what i said... or weather its my own guilt at revealing to someone that im not as strong as i have always tried to make out... because i go through life feeling like i HAVE to come accross as strong!!...

If your anything like me, maybe you think you feel guilty but maybe your angry for admitting to yourself that it IS hard to cope and that you dont want to HAVE to cope with it all!!?? I dunno - im still trying to figure stuff out...

like i said, that probably doesn't help! sorry hun! xx

Raven and Emz
I'm brand new here, I am 38 and my mom is 64 with Stage 4 melanoma. I know how you feel. Today I told my mom I am sorry but I am not to blame for the cancer, sounds harsh doesn't it. I don't know after whole brain radiation and cyberknife radiation if the impulse and reasoning part of my mom's brain hasn't lost some of its abilities the way she acts sometimes. I understand that she is angry and it isn't fair. She had a colonoscopy yesterday to find a 5.5 cm bowel obstruction and her surgeon had said before he didn't want to touch her for fear of complications because she has other lesions spread throughout her abdomen.
One of my mom's friends said to be careful because I don't want my last memory of my mom to be that we were disgruntled with each other. God this is not easy but that is why I came here. I really don't have people to talk to about this that I don't feel like a burden to and I rather not have to burden my mother with my grief with her medical situation. My mom even suggested I get Christian counseling to deal with this. We do it because we love them even if we don't get appreciation or thanks.
Emzballet, I so agree with you I try to come off so strong and capable to deal with this and I feel like such a wimp if I have to cry especially in front of my mom.