So my mum has been going really well for a while. But the last few days. She has been quite mean and nasty towards me for no reason. I am not aware of anything that could have set her off. As far as I know she is taking her medication, but I can't ask because she'll just scream at me. Even when doing well, you can't ask about it. I can't talk to her doctor because she goes to a community health type centre where there is more then one doctor. And as far as I know she hasn't been to one in a while. So I really don't know if she has stopped medication. I am terrified that she has because she tends to go psychotic quite easily. And it usually starts with rage. She is in a lot of debt and we finally got sorted payment plans etc that she needs to stick with. Where the interest on her credit card and loan is frozen and the minimum payment is managable. She needs to stick with it or they revoke it. So Not only I'm I worried about her in general with the possibility of her going psychotic but she'll mess up everything she finally got sorted out.

And her being so mean hurts. She is constantly snapping and ranting. She's the only one who is right. Asks for favours and snaps when it can't be done exactly how she wants it. I do everything I possibily can to help her. Everything. And it's never enough. I am always the bad guy.

Take for example the conversation I just had with her.
She wanted my partner to come over and undo the blades of her mower because they need to be replaced. Asked if he can get spanners from his dad or some where.

I said okay.

I said that Monday we could do it. Which is the day I always visit her anyway.

She said maybe i shouldn't come (I have a sprained ankle and last Monday I re-hurt it walking up her gravel drive way).

I said but what about the mower.

Then she gets cranky and mean, about how if that's the only day then fine, and i only come up on a Monday because that suits me. I said well Monday is the only day my partner gets off this week, and we need to ask his Dad if he has spanners. She gets cranky "OW well you discuss it and see if you can mange to come up and help" like what I said was a brush off or something. I also tried to say Sunday was out because we were invited to a BBQ . She interupts me and say well have fun at your BBQ in a nasty tone and before i could get any more out she ended up hangin up on me. While I was mid sentence. Before I could explain that the hours my partner is working this week etc.

I know it's the illness but that doesn't help me. Being treated like crap when your only trying to do what was asked of you. Feeling like you can't say no otherwise you'll be hated. She doesn't let go of anything. And I visit her Mondays because I am off from work and it just fits in well. It fits for her fine as well. She is not working or anything and if she would like a different day all she has to do is ask.

But no she has to make sure I feel as guilty and crappy as possible.

She resents the fact that I have a partner and a very small social life none of which she has. I feel guilty enough as it is about that without her adding to it. I don't know how to help her with the rest. I don't think it should be all my responsibility.

Why is every thing always on me. I suffer anxiety and depression myself. It's just too hard.

I can't talk to her when she is like this. She snaps no matter what topic i bring up while talking to her. (I ring her daily to check in, give her some one to talk to etc) She sits on the phone in silence only speaking to rant or snap about something I did or said or didn't do etc.

I feel like I am a failure as a daughter and I am the only one who even tries to help and take care of her. She has pushed everyone else away.