Family & Friends of Bipolar Support Group

This community is dedicated to parents, siblings, grandparents, other relatives and friends of someone who is Bipolar. The purpose of this community is to help families and friends develop greater patience and understanding, as well as maintain a positive, caring relationships with those diagnosed as Bipolar.

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Mental Health
/ Family & Friends of Bipolar Support Group

Why Is It Always So Hard

HurtingButHoping
HurtingButHoping

I am new here...and am reaching the point where I no longer know if I can stay in my relationship.  My live-in boyfriend has a bipolar diagnosis, is on medicine and is in therapy, but we are still struggling.  Badly.  Despite receiving extensive support from me, he refuses to get a full-time job, even though he is capable of working full-time (as shown by the fact that he willingly helps out a friend for free on most days with his landscaping work).  He also does not help out enough at home, even though I work a full-time, stressful job. Due to his condition, I took on a lot of debt for both his treatment (he has never had insurance) and his reckless behavior.  After he was finally stable for many months, I asked him to reenter the workforce part-time and then when it was clear he was capable to do more, to get a full-time job.  He just will not do it and has told me he just does not want to even though he knows th bills are crushing me.  I finally told him things can no longer continue the way they are and he either needs to get a full-time job or leave.  And now I am being punished.  His ugliness is beyond my comprehension and he shows no empathy for my situation or any understanding that after three long years of taking care of all of his needs, I can no longer bear the burden alone.  Becuase I love him, I have bent over backwards to make this work, but he is not willing to be my partner and it is absolutlely heartbreaking.

Cradlebed
Cradlebed
Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option, think twice and do the needful
Community LeaderSunCloudJD
SunCloudJD
It makes no sense that he's doing landscaping for free..... This sounds like it's beyond Bipolar

I am Bipolar and there came a time that I could no longer work but I did work fulltime along with part time for years

Nastiness and being unkind are not bipolar traits.... Sounds more like a personality disorder??? perhaps concurrent things going on

Take care of you....Don't do this for another week if he's not willing to grow up and help then let him go

I'm sorry that you're hurting and being so badly hurt.... xo
Spiral
Spiral
I am going to throw another hat in the ring. He is scared of failure perhaps. People tend to get up set out of fear or hurt. Since you have not hurt him, he it may be fear. I know I am terrified of working for someone other then myself. I cannot seem to met others expectations anymore, and the I find work fast paced and confusing trying to keep up. One thing they don't talk a lot about in mental illness is that you lose your confidence, self-worth and self-esteem when you are sick. The good news is that you have a guy who is willing to go help with landscape, He must enjoy that, so ease him back into work. Get him a push lawn mower and and put up an ad, lawn cutting. Get 2 or 3 lawns to do each week and start there. He doesn't need to go work for someone else, he can work for himself. I am guessing he is scared and his friend is a safe place to rebuild confidence and self-esteem. I am not making excuses for him being mean, just trying to explain that fear and hurt are usually the reasons people lash out. Can I ask if you are in therapy as well? If not, you need to be. You need to know how to set appropriate boundaries so people do not think it is ok to treat you like a door mat. You deserve better, but only you can change that. He may be treating you like shit, but some where along the way, he got the idea it was ok to do so. You need to change that. Best of luck
Bobby5000
Bobby5000
Great, insightful comment. That said, for hurting but hoping, if this was the 1st, 2nd, or even 5th try at improvement, one could understand working on the relationship. But he does not seem willing to change and even seems to blame her.

My situation is I'm married for 30 years, and I have vows. And my wife, even in her worst times, didn't blame me, told me she loved me and I was doing a great job, but was sorry for what she was doing, or how something changed her. Her, there seems to be some gaslighting with him blaming her for funding his therapy and other things.
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