Family & Friends of Bipolar Support Group
This community is dedicated to parents, siblings, grandparents, other relatives and friends of someone who is Bipolar. The purpose of this community is to help families and friends develop greater patience and understanding, as well as maintain a positive, caring relationships with those diagnosed as Bipolar.
Hello all, I am in a situation that I need to vent about a little, and would appreciate any input that I can get, forgive me if I ramble a touch.
I have been with a woman for a year, I graduated high school with her over 20 years ago, while I was going through a divorce we ran into each other, she had been divorced for over a year, we hit it off well as friends, seemed to have much in common, friends became more than friends, we became exclusive, but after we got close there were things about her that I could not understand, I tried but those things are want I wanted to share.
She was a happy person almost all the time, my thoughts were that I had never met a more genuine, simply happy person in my life, I was still married although seperated and into the divorce process, and she told me that she was reserved about her parents knowing we were seeing each other, we live in a small town, her parents are very religious, I could see her point of view and respected although my personal thoughts of it were different, I love my parents, but I am 40, and my decisions are mine along with the consequences, I guess I don't seek the approval of mine as much as her, no big deal, I would be divorced soon, I respected her wishes with being somewhat discreet. About 3 weeks after she told me that, we planned a camping trip, she had a camper, we were going out of town about 2 hours away, we pulled out of her driveway and she said she wanted to stop by her parents house and let me meet them... the first thought that hit me was you said you didn't want them to know you were dating a married man 3 weeks ago, and now, spur of the moment, you want to stop at their house with a truck hooked to a rolling bed and let a married man meet your parents for the first time? I was fine with it, but that seemed like a fairly substantial swing in morals and decisions on a spur of the moment basis to me, I didn't think a whole lot of, it at the time.
As things progressed after a few months it was common for her to what appeared to me "crash", she worked, we did stuff together, then out of the blue she would say she didn't feel well, (she said she had IBS) and she would shut me out completely, no talking to me, no telling me really why, for like 3 days, then stop by or call happy as could be, and act like it didn't happen. She would do this on about a monthly basis, and would specifically say it was her IBS acting up, but everytime a few days before she would go into the IBS sick/isolation mode there would be something that I could tell was bothering her, issue at work, issue with her daughter, issue with her parents, something, I began to wonder if ther IBS was stress induced.
She isolated from me about 4 times like that, when she didn't do it she was telling me she loved me, we were beginning to talk about marriage at some point, she would tell me she had never been happier, that she wanted to spend a life with me, then isolate from me with no reason that I could understand, and it scared the crap out of me, I would look for reassurance that it wasn't something I had done, she wasn't giving me that, so I told her one night on the phone as we were discussing things that I felt scared when she did that, and told her I needed to feel that she trusted me more with her issues, as soon as I said that she said "well maybe we should break up then" and hung up on me, didn't talk to me for a week. She is also 40 years old. I considered that fairly harsh over what it was.
When she talked to me after that, there was no 'Im sorry" no real remorse over the break up, just sort of right back into I love you, and she said that she has trouble processing things at times and just needs time alone, I said ok, I'll accept that. I did have strong feelings for her, and started thinking that things were maybe just moving too fast for both of us, so slowing down was acceptable to me.
Within a week she was looking at rings for us to buy and talking engagment, over a little time she had me believing that the break up was a fluke, stress induced bad handling of a situation, miscomunication whatever, I bought a ring but did not give it to her, was just planning, this Past Christmas, about a week before, she started a conversation saying that we needed to set a time frame, she was outlining what looked to be something she had thought out, engagment by this date, marriage by this date etc... I asked her is she was really committed to me, did she really feel she wanted to marry me, she said yes, I proposed to her that night, she was so happy, told everyone she saw for a week. After a week or so, I asked her about really setting a date, she said she didn't want to set a date, just be engaged a while, I told her that I would like to set a goal , even if it was a year out, so that we could plan and get affairs in order, the businees side of things so to speak, she got angry and said that all I know how to do is push for what I want, and would not discuss it, about 2 days later she got mad at me over another woman that I have known for years that I am friends with on FB posting a comment that was not much of anything, didn't talk to me for 2 days, when I finally got her to answer the phone she would not listen to anything I said, accused me of cheating on her, hung up, came by that night and gave me the ring back, wouldn't talk to me for a week, said it was over.
After that week she came over with a list of things that she was convinced I had done, which couldn't be farther from the truth, telling me what I did and why I did it, I told her she never asked me why on anything so how can she presume to know that, a 2 hour talk and she is telling me she needs to earn that ring back... why break an engagement and completely ignore me if you want it back in a week? She never really said she was sorry, never really looked like she felt she made a bad decision to start with, looked to me that she felt fully justified to totally destroy our relationship without much talking about it, and all of the sudden the reasoning behind destroying it was not that big a deal, we could pick back up where we left off.
I reluctantly gave her the ring back, explained to her what my definition of commitment was, she listened and agreed with what I said, but never told me her definition, I told her we need to find some what to level all this roller coaster out, if she needed rest or time to herself she needed to take it, she had always blamed her ups and downs on those things, I was trying to let her know I was supportive of that, and it was ok to do. within 2 weeks of that breakup she told me she wanted to be married within a month, I was shocked, told her that there were a lot of things we needed to work out and that was a little to fast for me, I was dedicated to her, but we need more time, she never acted like she heard that, she began bringing things over to my house since that is where we planned to live when we discussed marriage, clothes and such, she booked a honeymoon, she was looking for a wedding chappel close to the honeymoon location, she was set in her mind that she wanted to marry, and there was no need in delaying it. 3 days after she booked the honeymoon she started saying things in regards to her daughters feelings about her getting re-married, her daughter is 20, and I could actually see and here in her voice the same things I had seen before, an issue with her daughter, she was saying she may not be doing what her daughter wants, she looked like she was unsure if she was making the right decisions by her, I told her that I didn't think she had everyone on the same page, she had told my two children we were getting married and we were planning it, I thought her daughter had been told, I didn't realize her and her daughter were discussig it and she was waiting on her daughters approval, she got so mad she went to my bedroom and shut the door and went to bed a 7:30 that night. I gave her a while to calm down, after I got my kids to bed I went to talk to her, her eyes were shut, she told me time and time again that being tired makes her not process things well, I decided to let her sleep. We got up the next morning, she hugged and kissed me, said she loved me, I went to work, came home that evening and all of her stuff was out of my house, keys and ring were laying on the dinning room table, looked like she had no intentions of coming back, no word, no note, I tried to call her, she wouldn't answer the phone, we haven't talked for weeks, she has sent me a couple of e-mails, telling me what I did and why I did it, she never told me that anything I did real time was an issue, and never asked me why I did it. She says in e-mail that basically everything is my fault, things about me that caused it, nothing is her fault, her actions are fully justified, no discussions are needed.
I know that is long winded, I know that looks like a story of two 16 year olds instead of two 40 year olds, but through some of the ups and downs a lot of my friends asked me if she was bipolar, I didn't even know what that meant, looked it up online, she seemed to fit a lot of the major symptoms, she told me that after her divorce she had an affair with a married friend, then dated another man that was married that was still living with his wife before me, there was mentions of sex related decisions on the bipolar info, hadn't thought about that one, IDK, I am trying to peice some sense and get some closure out of the whirlwind I have gone through over the last year, I am not looking at Bipolar as a place to blame what happened, but I know I don't want to get involved in what this was again, I can't understand how she can go from ready to marry to dumping me like trash without a word back to ready to marry and burn it down again like that.
I ran into her the other day at a gas station, she didn't speak, neither did I, she called me 20 min later, and asked me why I couldn't be cordial, I asked her why she thought she deserved it, she began a screaming rant of attacking me with what she says are the things ive done wrong, I asked her if she was ever going to give me chance to talk with her about the issues she is presenting she hung up on me.
2 days later I am in my driveway at 9pm talking to a guy friend of mine that stopped by, she drives by 3 times, slowly, she has no need to drive on my street unless she is going to my house, there are only 5 houses on my road, it is not a main road in town, I call her when he leaves, tell her it is ok to stop, we spent a year together if she wants to talk finally it is ok to do so, she says she wants to come over, then says she doesn't begins the rant, I tell her that no matter what I say or do she is saying the same things over like I never explained my actions, she apears to be justifying her actions with made up in her head reasons of why I did something, we do talk somewhat for about 2 hours, she hangs up eventually.
She sent me an e-mail yesterday, same as always, an I love you, you are the love of my life, but I can't be with someone that does what she thinks I have done, basically disrespecting her, doing something similar to what her husband did to her for years, it looks like she is convicting me for his actions, and making up whatever she has to to justify it as my actions.
I went to her house last night, other than for about 5 min at the gas station I mentioned that is the first time I saw her eyes in over a month. I calmy explained my side and intentions and thought processes of the things that bothered her, she smiled and laughed about some of what I told her was confusing to me, she invited me in to eat with her, she had been e-mailing me for a month telling me she didn't want to see me again, I told her no, I was there to speak with her in person because I felt I deserved the chance to see her face when she was accusing me of my thoughts, she said she had screwed everything up, hugged me, told me it felt good to be in my arms, looked me in the eye and said she loved me, never once said she was sorry, never once acted like her words and actions not matching was anything out of the ordinary, she says that she shouldn't have to talk to me about some things, I should have known it since she wouldn't have done it to me, I told her how can I know what you need if you don't tell BEFORE you dump like trash, instead of convicting me of wrong doing, destroying a relationship, then telling me why she did it, that is just backwards to me. our talk dwindled down, I left feeling a little better that at least she gave me the chance to talk with her, but she was still telling me why she thought I did something, as if what I said from my heart, and what she saw me do that did match, wasn't even accounted for in her decision making. I can't comunicate with her, I don't think she cares what I say at all.
This is a jacked up relationship all the way around, I know what a rebound relationship is, I know that I should have walked away from her the first time she flipped on me so fast, but there are times that it seems like there is nothing better than us, we can be so close and seem to be in tune for a month, then she is opposite of that in a days time without giving me a reason that I can understand. IDK, if she doesn't have bipolar symptoms and any of you took the time to read this please let me know, if you think she does off my side of the story based on your experiences let me know. I know I don't want to fall in this trap again with anyone, and if there are signs I should have picked up on early instead of trying to reason with and figure her out I want to be able to see them in the future.
I have been with a woman for a year, I graduated high school with her over 20 years ago, while I was going through a divorce we ran into each other, she had been divorced for over a year, we hit it off well as friends, seemed to have much in common, friends became more than friends, we became exclusive, but after we got close there were things about her that I could not understand, I tried but those things are want I wanted to share.
She was a happy person almost all the time, my thoughts were that I had never met a more genuine, simply happy person in my life, I was still married although seperated and into the divorce process, and she told me that she was reserved about her parents knowing we were seeing each other, we live in a small town, her parents are very religious, I could see her point of view and respected although my personal thoughts of it were different, I love my parents, but I am 40, and my decisions are mine along with the consequences, I guess I don't seek the approval of mine as much as her, no big deal, I would be divorced soon, I respected her wishes with being somewhat discreet. About 3 weeks after she told me that, we planned a camping trip, she had a camper, we were going out of town about 2 hours away, we pulled out of her driveway and she said she wanted to stop by her parents house and let me meet them... the first thought that hit me was you said you didn't want them to know you were dating a married man 3 weeks ago, and now, spur of the moment, you want to stop at their house with a truck hooked to a rolling bed and let a married man meet your parents for the first time? I was fine with it, but that seemed like a fairly substantial swing in morals and decisions on a spur of the moment basis to me, I didn't think a whole lot of, it at the time.
As things progressed after a few months it was common for her to what appeared to me "crash", she worked, we did stuff together, then out of the blue she would say she didn't feel well, (she said she had IBS) and she would shut me out completely, no talking to me, no telling me really why, for like 3 days, then stop by or call happy as could be, and act like it didn't happen. She would do this on about a monthly basis, and would specifically say it was her IBS acting up, but everytime a few days before she would go into the IBS sick/isolation mode there would be something that I could tell was bothering her, issue at work, issue with her daughter, issue with her parents, something, I began to wonder if ther IBS was stress induced.
She isolated from me about 4 times like that, when she didn't do it she was telling me she loved me, we were beginning to talk about marriage at some point, she would tell me she had never been happier, that she wanted to spend a life with me, then isolate from me with no reason that I could understand, and it scared the crap out of me, I would look for reassurance that it wasn't something I had done, she wasn't giving me that, so I told her one night on the phone as we were discussing things that I felt scared when she did that, and told her I needed to feel that she trusted me more with her issues, as soon as I said that she said "well maybe we should break up then" and hung up on me, didn't talk to me for a week. She is also 40 years old. I considered that fairly harsh over what it was.
When she talked to me after that, there was no 'Im sorry" no real remorse over the break up, just sort of right back into I love you, and she said that she has trouble processing things at times and just needs time alone, I said ok, I'll accept that. I did have strong feelings for her, and started thinking that things were maybe just moving too fast for both of us, so slowing down was acceptable to me.
Within a week she was looking at rings for us to buy and talking engagment, over a little time she had me believing that the break up was a fluke, stress induced bad handling of a situation, miscomunication whatever, I bought a ring but did not give it to her, was just planning, this Past Christmas, about a week before, she started a conversation saying that we needed to set a time frame, she was outlining what looked to be something she had thought out, engagment by this date, marriage by this date etc... I asked her is she was really committed to me, did she really feel she wanted to marry me, she said yes, I proposed to her that night, she was so happy, told everyone she saw for a week. After a week or so, I asked her about really setting a date, she said she didn't want to set a date, just be engaged a while, I told her that I would like to set a goal , even if it was a year out, so that we could plan and get affairs in order, the businees side of things so to speak, she got angry and said that all I know how to do is push for what I want, and would not discuss it, about 2 days later she got mad at me over another woman that I have known for years that I am friends with on FB posting a comment that was not much of anything, didn't talk to me for 2 days, when I finally got her to answer the phone she would not listen to anything I said, accused me of cheating on her, hung up, came by that night and gave me the ring back, wouldn't talk to me for a week, said it was over.
After that week she came over with a list of things that she was convinced I had done, which couldn't be farther from the truth, telling me what I did and why I did it, I told her she never asked me why on anything so how can she presume to know that, a 2 hour talk and she is telling me she needs to earn that ring back... why break an engagement and completely ignore me if you want it back in a week? She never really said she was sorry, never really looked like she felt she made a bad decision to start with, looked to me that she felt fully justified to totally destroy our relationship without much talking about it, and all of the sudden the reasoning behind destroying it was not that big a deal, we could pick back up where we left off.
I reluctantly gave her the ring back, explained to her what my definition of commitment was, she listened and agreed with what I said, but never told me her definition, I told her we need to find some what to level all this roller coaster out, if she needed rest or time to herself she needed to take it, she had always blamed her ups and downs on those things, I was trying to let her know I was supportive of that, and it was ok to do. within 2 weeks of that breakup she told me she wanted to be married within a month, I was shocked, told her that there were a lot of things we needed to work out and that was a little to fast for me, I was dedicated to her, but we need more time, she never acted like she heard that, she began bringing things over to my house since that is where we planned to live when we discussed marriage, clothes and such, she booked a honeymoon, she was looking for a wedding chappel close to the honeymoon location, she was set in her mind that she wanted to marry, and there was no need in delaying it. 3 days after she booked the honeymoon she started saying things in regards to her daughters feelings about her getting re-married, her daughter is 20, and I could actually see and here in her voice the same things I had seen before, an issue with her daughter, she was saying she may not be doing what her daughter wants, she looked like she was unsure if she was making the right decisions by her, I told her that I didn't think she had everyone on the same page, she had told my two children we were getting married and we were planning it, I thought her daughter had been told, I didn't realize her and her daughter were discussig it and she was waiting on her daughters approval, she got so mad she went to my bedroom and shut the door and went to bed a 7:30 that night. I gave her a while to calm down, after I got my kids to bed I went to talk to her, her eyes were shut, she told me time and time again that being tired makes her not process things well, I decided to let her sleep. We got up the next morning, she hugged and kissed me, said she loved me, I went to work, came home that evening and all of her stuff was out of my house, keys and ring were laying on the dinning room table, looked like she had no intentions of coming back, no word, no note, I tried to call her, she wouldn't answer the phone, we haven't talked for weeks, she has sent me a couple of e-mails, telling me what I did and why I did it, she never told me that anything I did real time was an issue, and never asked me why I did it. She says in e-mail that basically everything is my fault, things about me that caused it, nothing is her fault, her actions are fully justified, no discussions are needed.
I know that is long winded, I know that looks like a story of two 16 year olds instead of two 40 year olds, but through some of the ups and downs a lot of my friends asked me if she was bipolar, I didn't even know what that meant, looked it up online, she seemed to fit a lot of the major symptoms, she told me that after her divorce she had an affair with a married friend, then dated another man that was married that was still living with his wife before me, there was mentions of sex related decisions on the bipolar info, hadn't thought about that one, IDK, I am trying to peice some sense and get some closure out of the whirlwind I have gone through over the last year, I am not looking at Bipolar as a place to blame what happened, but I know I don't want to get involved in what this was again, I can't understand how she can go from ready to marry to dumping me like trash without a word back to ready to marry and burn it down again like that.
I ran into her the other day at a gas station, she didn't speak, neither did I, she called me 20 min later, and asked me why I couldn't be cordial, I asked her why she thought she deserved it, she began a screaming rant of attacking me with what she says are the things ive done wrong, I asked her if she was ever going to give me chance to talk with her about the issues she is presenting she hung up on me.
2 days later I am in my driveway at 9pm talking to a guy friend of mine that stopped by, she drives by 3 times, slowly, she has no need to drive on my street unless she is going to my house, there are only 5 houses on my road, it is not a main road in town, I call her when he leaves, tell her it is ok to stop, we spent a year together if she wants to talk finally it is ok to do so, she says she wants to come over, then says she doesn't begins the rant, I tell her that no matter what I say or do she is saying the same things over like I never explained my actions, she apears to be justifying her actions with made up in her head reasons of why I did something, we do talk somewhat for about 2 hours, she hangs up eventually.
She sent me an e-mail yesterday, same as always, an I love you, you are the love of my life, but I can't be with someone that does what she thinks I have done, basically disrespecting her, doing something similar to what her husband did to her for years, it looks like she is convicting me for his actions, and making up whatever she has to to justify it as my actions.
I went to her house last night, other than for about 5 min at the gas station I mentioned that is the first time I saw her eyes in over a month. I calmy explained my side and intentions and thought processes of the things that bothered her, she smiled and laughed about some of what I told her was confusing to me, she invited me in to eat with her, she had been e-mailing me for a month telling me she didn't want to see me again, I told her no, I was there to speak with her in person because I felt I deserved the chance to see her face when she was accusing me of my thoughts, she said she had screwed everything up, hugged me, told me it felt good to be in my arms, looked me in the eye and said she loved me, never once said she was sorry, never once acted like her words and actions not matching was anything out of the ordinary, she says that she shouldn't have to talk to me about some things, I should have known it since she wouldn't have done it to me, I told her how can I know what you need if you don't tell BEFORE you dump like trash, instead of convicting me of wrong doing, destroying a relationship, then telling me why she did it, that is just backwards to me. our talk dwindled down, I left feeling a little better that at least she gave me the chance to talk with her, but she was still telling me why she thought I did something, as if what I said from my heart, and what she saw me do that did match, wasn't even accounted for in her decision making. I can't comunicate with her, I don't think she cares what I say at all.
This is a jacked up relationship all the way around, I know what a rebound relationship is, I know that I should have walked away from her the first time she flipped on me so fast, but there are times that it seems like there is nothing better than us, we can be so close and seem to be in tune for a month, then she is opposite of that in a days time without giving me a reason that I can understand. IDK, if she doesn't have bipolar symptoms and any of you took the time to read this please let me know, if you think she does off my side of the story based on your experiences let me know. I know I don't want to fall in this trap again with anyone, and if there are signs I should have picked up on early instead of trying to reason with and figure her out I want to be able to see them in the future.
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I find myself going places in the car and not wanting to get out of the car. I come back home and I don't want to get out of the car. I think it's the only time I spend reflecting. Chronic tiredness from Long Covid plus the immunosupressing meds for my Crohn's is slowing me down but everything just seems a massive effort. I am dealing with the paperwork following my father's death but it's not...
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Wow, it's the middle of the week already!Today is our 11 year anniversary, so we're going out to a nice dinner. I'm losing a lot of sleep these days, hence a wonky schedule and uncomfortable feelings. But I know it will pass, eventually.I hope all of you have a peaceful day, and may good things come your way!
It really does sound like she hasn't fully processed her divorce which causes a lot of people to blow hot and cold on relationships.
If she is bipolar you would expect to encounter a number of these;
rapid speech
jumping from one subject to another
becoming virtually unintelligable due to speed of speech and the number of apparently unrelated ideas
strange ideas and logic (like really strange)
impulsivity of the "let's move to canada next week"
irrational beliefs (like the CIA are watching her, you are an alien)
hallucinations
Have you seen any of those?
She sounds to have a personality-related disorder (Borderline Personality Disorder), as opposed to a mood disorder.
These two diagnoses resemble each other enormously. But the telltale differentiating feature is that interpersonal relations set off the symptoms of the borderline; whereas, with bipolar, the symptoms are more organically and less predictably exhibited.
Borderlines are very unstable in all relationships ... are given to extreme jealousy, rage and love/hate reactions. Bipolars, while chaotic as well, are more governed by an imbalance in brain chemistry.
Both diagnoses are difficult on loved ones. I have dealt with both ... and would prefer a bipolar over a borderline.
Good luck, my friend.
One subject to the other.. yes but only when she appears upset, when she is in a good mood no, upset, one thing to another and almost looked and sounded overwhelmed with all of it.
Never seemed unintelligable in speech in any way, but irrational spur of the moment decisions of actions without a word very often.
Strange ideas... she would say things at times that she either considered in the past or considered in the future that seemed way out of character for what she normally portrayed as herself on a normal basis.
Impulse.... that is all she seems to do with things that I would think should take a lot of consideration and preperation before you actually do.
Irrational beliefs... in my opinion yes. There are things that she believes are not acceptable behavior, and says she would not do this to someone, so they should have known not to do it to her, not the major everybody knows it things. My boss married a woman 15 years ago that I dated for a while before they married, that woman is at all our company functions, my boss and I were friends when i was dating her, they have a daughter the same age as mine and she picks my daughter up from school for me, this woman walked up after a few drinks at our christmas party this year, hugged me and said hi, in front of 20 people, my fiance told me she would have never let another man hang off her in front of people like that, especially someone she had a past with, that by me not walking away from her I had disrespected my GF. That black and white, i was wrong for a woman hugging me, and not making a scene about it by making it clear that was unacceptable with all that back story and knowledge, it was harmless in my mind, she never considered it that way. I took that as jealous and controlling, and a bit off, but she looked at that almost the same a cheating, no discussion about it. I can go on and on with what I and anyone I have shared things with about something menial to most people being a relationship ender to her, not a "hey, I don't like this and this is why" a "i'm done, you hugged her so you must not love me" comes out of her mouth, and she is convinced of it.
She would hear stuff in the night and get up to check on it that I never heard, and I was awake when she got up to go check, never knew of a hallucination though.
I don't think there is anything that would suggest she is bipolar here.
The relationship aspect is dead on, I was either the best thing that ever happened to her, her world she put it, or I was horrible for doing something she deemed disrespectful.
Her identity..... she was raised 7th day Adventist, she always called herself a bad person, that god wouldn't approve of what she did on a daily basis, then she would live for weeks, tell me she has never been able to be herself with anyone like she does me, and was so happy, then she would quit talking to me, and almost everytime she would break up she would say "this can't be gods plan" or "when you did this god showed me what you really were" but she hardly ever attended church, didn't live a lifestyle of a dedicated christian, I always thought she hid behind it. What is wrong with saying, "I feel this when you do that"? She never had that thought process, If I opposed her view on almost anything, she would say that is a sign from god that this relationship isn't right, so I would ask her, what sign was god giving you for the last month when you wanted to marry me and you were as happy as you have ever been? Then she would just stop talking, no comunication.
I did my fair share of dating early in life, married a woman when I was 25, we were married 10 years, first half of the marriage was great, we had our first child, and things deteriorated from there, she worked long hours and weekends, I didn't think that was that good with kids, it was either me and the baby or her and the baby, never us three together, we had money issues over and over, I thought she spent too much, she would agree, then spend more, we had a second child about 7 years into the marriage, we stopped comunicating, I never felt that she respected things that I tried to tell her were bothering me, I always felt she did what she wanted to do with no regard to what i thought, but I never dreamed of leaving her, thought maybe one day she would change or do better in those aspects if I could just get her to understand trying different ways to comunicate it to her. One day about 3 months after our 10th anniversery I found an empty pain pill bottle, found out she had been abusing them and muscle relaxers since our first child was born, like 10 each a day, plus anitdepressants and other meds, three days later I found out she was in about a 5 month long affair, she left, we divorced.
I never could get to the point that I wasn't blaming the pills, no wonder we couldn't comunicate, she was intoxicated and I didn't know that, I thought I could put my family back together if the pills weren't there, her affair ended, she got in trouble and had to get clean from the pills, we talked, I swallowed my pride about the affair and remarried her in the name of doing the right thing by her and my kids, 5 months later she was in rehab for 40 days (lied to me about being off the pills before the remarriage) 2 weeks out of rehab she left. The over and over again pain with dealing with her and the addict mindset of she did no wrong, nothing was her fault, finally broke me, I think the pill had a lot to do with that relationship finally ending, but I should have never put myself through it a second time, but I did.
Now this woman, she may be as sane or more than I am, IDK, but I don't think so, and what is haunting me is the memory of the good, that the bad outweighs, but my mindset of once committed stay that way still blinds me, If I could get her to understand me.... I know I can't change her, I know it is a toxic relationship, but I am so heart broken and I have little understanding of why she would do what she does after she says something so differently.
I wonder if I have no idea how to comunicate with a woman, I wonder if maybe i am always wrong, I try to understand fully what her needs are, but I am not a mind reader, I know I can't go through another relationship like either of those two again and keep any stretch of sanity in my head. I just feel so beat down, and I should never let it get me that far down, but it just seems to be the case no matter what. Sorry for the vent, probably the wrong place for it, I need to find out what my personality dissorder is and try to work on it instead of focussing on someone else's I guess.