Hi Taja,

I can relate to everything you are going through. I was a single mother of my BP daughter from age 13 months to age 15.

She was actually an obsessive rule follower, people pleaser until about age 13. At that point, she started to have issues with being told no, and having rules. (of course, that is the age when ALL kids start to rebel!)

It would really anger her the times I would type out a behavior *contract* with specific consequences for specific rule breaking. Taking away phone time was torture. Its a control thing. for all kids. but I think it is a *trigger* in BP kids, because they feel such lack of control.

He may need counseling with behavior modification, but his meds have to be working first.

I have read on NAMI I think about BP research studies being done at the University of PA... might try there.

I would be careful about over-pathologising someone who'se identity is still forming. Try and separate your daughter from the bipolar. These sound to me like examples of adolescence rather than symptoms of bipolar. Was diagnosed at 17 and have some clue what I'm talking about. Think you both should be in therapy to process all this.

Lou2, I think I stated pretty clearly that my daughters behaviors where also age typical for adolescents, and that I felt it might just be exaggerated in a teen w/BP, as they are feeling that much less in control.

I have had YEARS of therapy for myself and with my daughter, and make every effort to educate myself on BP, and other mental health issues

While I may not have BP, I have been the parent of a teen w/ BP, and have some clue as to what this other mother is going through.

Kristine thank you for your reply I will take a look at the university

Lou2 we are therapy and although teens are bound to rebel to the word no it is much more severe with bipolar according to research.

We are working on getting family based therapy, he goes to a partial program after school three times a week so he has a therapist there as well as another therapist in a private counseling. I also have my own therapist.

Trust me this is not just being a teen.

I will be posting in my journal shortly about the events of the day.

Kristinesmom, I was replying to this post, didn't even read your contribution.
Um, Taja...I just think that it's an enormous label for a teen to come to terms with...definitely he needs help with boundaries and therefore would benifit from therapy when it comes to that as well. Good luck.

My parents never used the word NO; instead, they said things like "thats unacceptable behavior", "that won't be tolerated", or "I'm sorry but I don't think thats a good idea, and as long as you live under my roof that won't be happening". They were pretty effective for non-BP kids...my sister, who is dx BP didn't listen anyway. She was sent to rehab for cutting and depression, and during the family therapy sessions my mom got some good ideas on how to deal with situations where she wanted to say NO. Eventually, my sister moved out because she came to understand that her negative behavior would not be tolerated, no matter how many things she did for attention.

I know that my grandmother never used the word NO with her kids; in the case of something like taking the video game away, she would respond by saying "This game is a privilege and you have not earned that today. You can kick and scream all you want, but you are not playing it until you start treating me with respect". I know, it sounds easier than it is!

lou2 I agree that labels are hard and I dont like them either but this label or any other will help us know how to treat my son.

We have had mobile therapy, and have been in therapy for a long time. It has not worked.

Also there is a family history on his dads side with bipolar. I would not be a good parent if I did not try to get to the bottom of this. I am having a hard enough time coming to terms with this. I actually thought my son would grow out of it. Now in the past few months it is clearly not going to happen.

I dont think any parent would want the child labeled but there comes a time when you just have to come to terms with what it is.

I have always set boundries and trust me if he does not get it from how I brought him up in a loving supportive home then clearly something is wrong.

nlivil I agree with that I usually say stuff like that and have tried the privilege thing he does not get it. What ever way I say it does not seem to help. I do believe that those phrases are much better.

Unfortunately I am usually drawn to the word no because for example today he wanted to go the video game store I said I dont feel good not today. well then as i stated in my journal it all went to hell and a hand basket from there.
I Did Not Give in. I set boundries and stick to them no matter how hard but I was not going to reward his behavior.

Thankyou for your help I hope you sister is ok now.

absolutely Taja...I mean also..coming to terms with having a major mental illness at such an age, when your sense of self is developing...good therapy can enable a person to take responsibility for themselves, ie/ to always take their medication, be self-aware etc healthy boundaries. Worked for me, and made for much happier interpersonal relationships.

I also wanted to point out that as much as it sucks being diagnosed and a young age or any age for that matter that I am kind of greatful that he was diagnosed at an age that he is still in my home.

I have listened to a parenting tape where it stated that it is much better for your child to do something wrong while they are home with you then when they are grown and out in the world.

Atleast this way I can try to keep an eye out to make sure he takes his meds for example. If He were grown I would not be able to have a clue. This way I can advocate for him. As I am sure your aware that it is almost impossible to advocate for yourself if you are in a manic state because I know with my son he does not even realizing what he is doing and does not see he needs help.

I mean, I don't know how old your son is...but you're taking responsibility for him taking his meds and so forth...this could add to friction, I guess...If one has a good relationship with a trustworthy psychiatrist, then this professional can look after your interests when in a compromised mental state. At some point your son has to take the reins of his own life, and get the confidence that he can manage his bp and be responsible in getting treatment. Just my take on it, he's lucky to have a concerned mother.

I guess I should explain more that I have given him the responsibility but a few months ago he would skip days. I know because I had two different weekly pill cases with the days of the week marked on them. I then went out and bought A HUGE weekly pill case but this one had the sections for the am and pm. Just trying to make it easier for him. So anyway with him digressing more each day I have had to make sure he has to take it.

I would have to say for the most part he just takes even though he cant admit that he needs it in fact he says otherwise I think he knows that he does need it. I have noticed that the times he refuses to take it is right after a blow out and he is mad at me So that we have to work on about it not being me that he is punishing well actually I would have to think on that one Ok not just kidding its really him that he is punishing.

I do agree he has to learn to take responsibility and I am working on that He is only 13 so we have 5 more years. Hopefully I can help him get there before he is 18.

I do appreciate your take on it because You have a different perspective a side we dont see. Thank you the kind words I hope your parents have helped and still help you. The love of a parent is suppose to be unconditional and although that can and I know with me it has been tested. I know that this is not always the case and leaves any child with wounds they carry out into adulthood.

You mentioned in one post to separate child from by I have thought of how I can explain to you that I do As I have said in another post. Is the part of by child that is violent caused by the bp is the part of my child I dont know this is the part of my child that I do not recognize when he is in a middle of an episode is when I am living with a stranger. This stranger I want to leave my home he has stolen my son and I want him back. When my son is well he is kind compassionate and we can joke around together. We have not been able to have fun in a while not because I dont want to but because when I try to do anything it sets him off and before anyone says anything Me breathing or putting on chap stick sets him off. Dont worry I dont stop putting on the chap stick just because he tells me to put it away and I dont stop breathing either. See I have a since of humor.

So Lou2 I am glad you come but just know that I love my child with all my being I would go to the ends of the earth for him give up my life I do love him unconditionally.

Oh my this little box is driving be bonkers I have know idea everything I wrote.

So young! Wow. Have you checked out any support groups in your area? My sister went to one in NY and found it really helpful and interesting. Do call and try and get more support from anyone you can.
I guess it would be hard to figure out what's puberty and what's symptomatic of bp. (thank you, yes, my parents are lovely)

I really hope you find a great doctor or someone who can help you these challenges.

well he was diagnosed before puberty hit and although i dont think the hormones help he does have behaviors that are clearly not hormonal like the repeating himself for 5 to 6 hours last night over and over pretty much without a break and the hitting of himself.

I Have just found two support groups one for parents its once a month and another one is for both parents and kids where the kids who have issues can talk to each other. I was actually looking for that before when I found the support group for parents. I think it is important for them to talk to each other so they know they are not the only ones.

From what I am reading in you posts I think I am understanding your concerns I know that there are a lot of kids that are misdiagnosed. Trust me no doctor gives me a diagnoses without me checking it out. I really do think that is for most parents that care about there children.

Yeah I hope I can find a good Doctor too this area sucks but I am working on it along with other stuff its coming down where I am going to have to take him to philadelphia or hershey.

Best luck. yeah, both those support groups sound great. I didn't realise your son was so young, can't imagine how tough it is being in your position. x

Thank you It is hard but I know that if it is hard on me its harder on my son. that breaks my heart.