I'm sorry. I know what you're going through. I've been shut out now for over two months. My BP friend is recovering from a suicidal depression and told me he doesn't want to be close with certain people right now.

I did the same thing you did. I was angry.. then I'll read info about BP and feel guilty, and I'll send a supportive email and apologize. I go so back and forth with my feelings of sadness/hope/despair that at times I felt like the BP person!

I'm afraid that all we can do is wait it out. They just don't seem to understand-or care that we're hurting.

Someone in another post said - don't shed another tear for someone that wouldn't shed one for you.

Sadfriend- I know you didn't say "don't shed another tear for someone that wouldn't shed one for you" , but I think that is horrible advice. I don't truly believe that they don't care or understand that we are hurting I think that it's just something they cannot deal with at the moment. They need to deal with what is going on with them. Granted a lot of BP's are very self-centered, but that is also part of the disease. From what I have read and my personal experience, when they are not in an episode most BP people are very loving, understanding, compassionate people. We must remember not to take the episodes personally (which I know can be hard!!) and work on ourselves to learn how to deal with them better and support them. If we cannot take care of ourselves then we will never be able to take care and support our BP partners.
Sorry, not trying to be rude, that comment just irritated me. I hate the "I only give what I get" statement. Loving (tolerating) people unconditionally is something we all can do and we should not expect anything in return.

yes, my guy when he's feeling well is the most lovely and caring person. Knowing the person that he really is keeps me holding on and helps me to forgive the bad times.

I think really wanting to know if he is doing okay is fine. Unfortunately sometimes we all say the wrong things are the wrong time, no matter what the situation. You are worried about him and that is completely understandable. You have to understand Bi-polar does not DEFINE the person, it is a disease and it can be dealt with. Is your BF seeing a doc? If not he should see one so they can get him on meds to help. If he is maybe they need to adjust the meds. Remember he is not lashing out at you, he is frustrated because of what he has and with the right help and support he can take control of BP. You say that he is the most caring and loving guy, that is the real him and if you stick it out and he gets the right support and meds he can go back to being that guy.

His meds are the biggest worry I have at the moment, he stopped taking them about six months ago, I did try to persuade him not to but he wouldn't listen and as usual was so sure that he could cure himself.
This has happened before and just like the last time a few months later he has started to have problems again, I saw the signs of it coming but when I questioned him about it he just kept saying no he was fine and didn't feel depressed. This time he's told me that he feels he needs to go back to his doctor and I agreed with him, but whenever I've text him to ask him if he's been to get help he either doesn't reply or dodges the subject, so I can only guess that he hasn't been which isn't giving me much hope of things changing any time soon.

Well we all will be here for you. If you need to talk and I am on either give me a chat or send me a message and you can bend my ear or just vent or just talk.

Lula,
I know exactly how you feel... I am in a situation that is almost the same as yours, but a bit more complicated, my husband is the one who is bipolar, and i am an extremely emotional person... not s great with dealing with him...
we just had a baby less than two month ago, which put him into a very bad depressive episode, i took a few days to stay at my parents after it got too much for me...also to give him space and time alone...meanwhile he went back on him meds and started a new kind...
anyway, after a few days, he told me that he doesn't want me to come back home and that he wants to take time to think...
then he came to talk to me telling me that he was never happy, that i am wrong for him, he needs a different kind of woman and so on...
I tried to talk to him and tell him we can work things out... but that didn't help...he said that he will think observe and assess to see if he wants me back or not....
he is talking to me like a stringer, calls every few days to ask about the baby and when he sees me, he is soooo formal and awkward...
I guess what i am trying to say is that, i too was thinking is it me, maybe he doesn't want me? because he seems fine... he is living a normal life and everyone seems to think he is doing great...
Does he really mean what he is saying?
anyway...
I think, give him time...I learned the hard way that this is what i need to do... if its meant to be, then its meant to be...
He needs to come back to you, give him a chance... and see...
just be strong and hold back... especially on those texts, ohhh i kept on texting him every few hours like crazy... i was going out of my mind and i was lashing out on him... don't do that... come here, and vent.... or send me a message... we can swap stories...

Thanks, I've been thinking about it all night and most of the day at work. This time I'm going to try not to contact him again, I think in the past I've probably pressured him into coming back too soon and then after a few weeks he's been unsure of his feelings again. You're right, it is him that needs to make the decision to come back, I guess that's the only way I'll know if it's what he really wants. The weekends are the hardest, especially Friday Nights because that's always our main night together, so it's then that I usually can't stop myself from sending all of those texts but I'll try my best.

Read the same post on the discussion board..with dif. answers. Girl, I know how you feel - you want that communication...want to hear his voice... the caring that was there when he was 'better' --- and yet, every time I call, I start losing a little more of myself...feeling terrible because he seems to be distancing himself from me and again, it sucks because as I said in my other post, I suffer from anxiety and this kind of 'distancing' really bothers me.

sigh.

With the bipolar books I've read, people who suffer from this, do go a bit 'sociopathic' - where they don't give a crap about anyone else except for themselves...even when they KNOW they are hurting others. When the manic phase goes away, they return to a 'normal' emotional state and feel the guilt and horror of their past actions...

Man, just being in this for only 3 months has completely exhausted me emotionally/mentally... - I give huge props to everyone who has done this for YEARS and still are somewhat 'sane' ...

Again, I hope you are doing okay and that your bf is starting to come around again...

Is his absence making you anxious - I know I have a problem with anxiety - worrying thoughts feeding anxiety and anxiety feeding worrying thoughts.

THe thing is you can't pull yourself back from anxiety - you have to go towards it - if that makes sense.

Thats what I did. I still do it. I tell him no matter what happens between us i will always be here if he decides he wants to get help. It is hard though. Like today I want to yell at him and tell him everything I have kept in for 8 months, but if I do that then it will scare him away and then he wont ask me for help and we know none of his friends will help. The not calling gets easier. Promise. i use to have my little one text or call him so I knew he was o.k. and keep track of him. Now I dont call unless I have to. Like today i had to and i text telling him I was going to call and he didnt pick up the first time, but i called back and I got the i 'm sorry i was in the middle of work. And he really is sorry. Its so funny that he does that. Even with the texts. First words are always I'm sorry. The more i stayed away, the more he called and appologized. Its hard but it works!!! I also shut all the phone ringers off so when he tries and calls no one hears the phone. I know that might sound mean, but when I control when he can call and talk to me or the kids, he starts texting and calling all the time. The roles reversed. See i write more than you!! Haha!!