Family & Friends of Bipolar Support Group

This community is dedicated to parents, siblings, grandparents, other relatives and friends of someone who is Bipolar. The purpose of this community is to help families and friends develop greater patience and understanding, as well as maintain a positive, caring relationships with those diagnosed as Bipolar.

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LAURAAAAA 04/02/2009

i havent writen in this group in a long time, almost exactly a year in fact. not since my moms last manic episode. she had another one, right on time too. every spring for the past four years. it was about a month ago i think, maybe less i dont know. i have no sence of time lately. my mom has really sever bipolar disoder, type one. in the past year shes finaly accepted that she has it. sort of anyways...

i dont know what im doing anymore. i dont know whats real and whats not. with my mom shes manic for a month or so, and eventually it leads to a full blown manic episode. and she makes no sense, she talkes about glass walls that connect our house to the nieghbores. and about pink dots that are fucking rainbow dots. and when she talks it makes no sense, she says things like how holly couldnt go to school because the hippo ate the paper clip. and she does all this and eventually she has to go to the hospital. then she gets back and its like it never happend. she tells me that im lyeing and that i should be more worried about the depression parts. she honestly doesnt know what she sounds like. and then i get so confused and scared and i dont know how much i imagened or whats real. i swear if my nieghbor didnt come over to help me with her when she gets like this and assure me that i didnt imagen the whole thing...i dont know what id be thinking. as it is i dont know how i feel. its like nothing is safe or sure anymore. i feel like i cant even trust my own feet to keep me standing up right.

i dont know how to coupe with the memorys of seeing my mother when she gets like that. i dont know how to look at her and not remember the stupid dots. and it makes me so angry with her, all the time. i snap at her even when shes doing her best to please me, but i cant get that image of her out of my mind long enough to apprectiat it. and im so frustrated with myself. i hate that i feel like i have to forgive her. its not even my place to forgive. i just want to know what real.

i finaly learned two days ago that is has a name. psychosis and it can be a part of bipolar disoder. i dont know if that made it better or worse. does anyone else know someone who does this??? i need someone who understands what this is. help please

deleted_user 04/03/2009

My mother was Bipolar and she had occaisional episodes where she would be paranoid and think she was being watched or followed...stuff like that.

My exbf is I believe bipolar(not diagnosed but, well, clear signs he is)...there were times when he thought he was a vampire, or thought that the government had spy cams...also thought that he could control the weather, or other peoples minds, things like that...definatly signs of a psychosis...

It's not an easy thing to deal with...are you in counseling yourself to help you cope?

deleted_user 04/03/2009

My husband was definetly paranoid and still is. Hes unmedicated and in denial. I remember him thinking that his friends from work which he saw everyday and was living in the parking lot in our RV hated him and thought they were coming after him. He thought I was going through his email and I was going to steal all the money . This was right before his manic episode went full blown. It was very scary to see him so scared and not trusting his friends or me.

deleted_user 04/03/2009

I realised how ill my bf was when he sat me down to tell me he was the new jesus, he knew how the world was going to end & he'd been sent here to save us all. He was so convincing I began to wonder if maybe there was some truth in it!
Doing my research on the computer helped, I found a site where it explained that it's common to feel the way he did while experiencing psychosis.

deleted_user 04/03/2009

Hi I am bp1 and suffer from psychosis usually when I am under a lot of stress. I have been told that most people with psychosis don't remember their episodes which sounds like it is probably happening with your mother seeing that she is calling you a lier.

deleted_user 04/03/2009

Yeah I realized something was amiss with mine when he told me during a normal conversation that he's a thousand years old...that was my first hint that something was seriously wrong.

LAURAAAAA 04/03/2009

i remember for a while my mom thought i was trying to pioson her. and during this last episode when i asked her where her medication was she said she couldnt tell me because then i might steal them. so i asked her if she could go get them herself but she couldnt do that either because of the 'glass wall'. it was a frustrating circle.

no im not in any counseling, i wish i was but my mom wouldnt get me any insurance or pay for it. now that shes 'stable' she says that shes going to do somthing about it, but im not getting any hopes up

jhm 06/21/2009

hello, your mothers sounds like my grown daughter who has bipolar I, she has been psychotic two times a little over a year apart - she hears things, sees things, thinks things and behaves in a very bizarre manner - it takes months for her to recover but then she seems completely normal except for the mood swings. the worst was when she was spitting out her meds because she thought they were poison. its tough but i am hoping with the new meds she will level out. My daughter does seem to remember some of it.

deleted_user 06/22/2009

I remember mine, I made a fool out of myself calling everyone & being really really paranoid, putting foil all over windows, making my kids play in back rooms so no one could hear them, then voices started which at that point it was horrifying so I was put on antipsychotics, But I was psychotic while not manic - some say that was the beginning of schizoaffective, others just say psychosis. I don't think I will ever get other that entirely - I am just on antipsychotics 24/7 and they do not ever pull me off of them - it is safer that way in my opinion anyways being I have kids and can't risk that again. Now my full on manic episodes are kind of fuzzy, but I do remember them - just not as good as my last psychotic episode. I know I loved everyone and supposedly I was talking really fast and calling a lot of people at all different hours (people tell me this) and I remember the love beams as I told my pdoc about them and I wanted to call him and the entire practice and tell everyone about how I loved them and how I had the secret to world peace through the love I contained and I was the mother of humanity and some other stuff that I read off of my records - oh and I was a mermaid too... but I got to read my records - really trippy. Maybe have your mom read hers? There would be no lying in them & that way she could see how she was? She should know how BP is and how it can manifest - maybe she should learn more about the technical aspects of it? I find that helps me when I have no idea what is going on. Maybe the records could help bring up some memory of how she was?

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