Family & Friends of Bipolar Support Group
This community is dedicated to parents, siblings, grandparents, other relatives and friends of someone who is Bipolar. The purpose of this community is to help families and friends develop greater patience and understanding, as well as maintain a positive, caring relationships with those diagnosed as Bipolar.
Shit, this is going to be long, but please, please read anyway!! I take any advice I can get, I really need help here!!!
I am a 17yo female and aside from another shitload of issues, my father has been diagnosed with bipolar disorder shortly before I was born. He has been in denial ever since and has neither received treatment nor taken medication.
So, yup, it's bad. He is verbally and psychologically abusive, on rare occasion even physically, as well as extremely manipulative, aggressive and paranoid. It has been steadily getting worse and I can barely remember the person in between his episodes.
Luckily my parents divorced when I was little, but I still saw him often and he called almost daily.
Depending on his mood, he blamed me, my mother or society for all his problems, threatened to hurt or kill himself or other members of my family if i didn't do as he said or didn't want to see him, simply picked me up from kindergarden or school and took me against my will on 'adventures' , sometimes for days without anyone knowing. Other times he criticised everything about me or accused my mother of brainwashing me.
Once he called when he knew my mother wasn't home and forced me to meet him at the airport by telling me he'd commit suicide if I didn't show up and it'd be my fault. He took me to spain for a week, then changed his mind and simply dropped me off at the spanish airport with some money to get home by myself... I was only 6.
The older I got, the more I tried to avoid any contact with him, since I am really fucking scared of him, but to this day he keeps calling every few weeks, several times a day at my birthday or christmas, to insult and blame or threaten to harm me, kill himself or those I love.
Now, even though I hate it and it ruins my day, by now I can deal with it. I had no choice but being a tough kid after all.
But I have an 11yo half-sister. Same father, different mother (also divorced), but luckily we live in the same town. I love her to pieces!! She's the apple of my eye and I'd do anything for her.
Our father never really paid attention to her, only ever calling to ask about me when I refused to speak to him. I don't know what his obsession with me is about, maybe because I'm his oldest, maybe because I look like a young, female clone of him, I really don't know.
Recently though he has started pulling the same shit with her as he did with me, it's not as bad yet, I fear it's getting there. The problem: the more I avoid him, the worse he is towards her.
And between keeping my good grades at school, helping my mother (my stepdad broke up with her a few weeks ago and now she suffers from depression) and dealing with my own mostly untreated 12 years of PTSD (that was from something else though) I'm not sure I can handle more of his bullshit.
I will get back in contact with him as he wants, if it keeps him away from my sister, but please:
are there any other options for me? Anything that doesn't include me stepping into the line of fire?
And how can I help my sister with dealing with him?
Please, if you have any ideas what I can do at all, or maybe you've been in a similar situation, I'm really grateful for any replies!
Thanks for reading.
I am a 17yo female and aside from another shitload of issues, my father has been diagnosed with bipolar disorder shortly before I was born. He has been in denial ever since and has neither received treatment nor taken medication.
So, yup, it's bad. He is verbally and psychologically abusive, on rare occasion even physically, as well as extremely manipulative, aggressive and paranoid. It has been steadily getting worse and I can barely remember the person in between his episodes.
Luckily my parents divorced when I was little, but I still saw him often and he called almost daily.
Depending on his mood, he blamed me, my mother or society for all his problems, threatened to hurt or kill himself or other members of my family if i didn't do as he said or didn't want to see him, simply picked me up from kindergarden or school and took me against my will on 'adventures' , sometimes for days without anyone knowing. Other times he criticised everything about me or accused my mother of brainwashing me.
Once he called when he knew my mother wasn't home and forced me to meet him at the airport by telling me he'd commit suicide if I didn't show up and it'd be my fault. He took me to spain for a week, then changed his mind and simply dropped me off at the spanish airport with some money to get home by myself... I was only 6.
The older I got, the more I tried to avoid any contact with him, since I am really fucking scared of him, but to this day he keeps calling every few weeks, several times a day at my birthday or christmas, to insult and blame or threaten to harm me, kill himself or those I love.
Now, even though I hate it and it ruins my day, by now I can deal with it. I had no choice but being a tough kid after all.
But I have an 11yo half-sister. Same father, different mother (also divorced), but luckily we live in the same town. I love her to pieces!! She's the apple of my eye and I'd do anything for her.
Our father never really paid attention to her, only ever calling to ask about me when I refused to speak to him. I don't know what his obsession with me is about, maybe because I'm his oldest, maybe because I look like a young, female clone of him, I really don't know.
Recently though he has started pulling the same shit with her as he did with me, it's not as bad yet, I fear it's getting there. The problem: the more I avoid him, the worse he is towards her.
And between keeping my good grades at school, helping my mother (my stepdad broke up with her a few weeks ago and now she suffers from depression) and dealing with my own mostly untreated 12 years of PTSD (that was from something else though) I'm not sure I can handle more of his bullshit.
I will get back in contact with him as he wants, if it keeps him away from my sister, but please:
are there any other options for me? Anything that doesn't include me stepping into the line of fire?
And how can I help my sister with dealing with him?
Please, if you have any ideas what I can do at all, or maybe you've been in a similar situation, I'm really grateful for any replies!
Thanks for reading.
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I find myself going places in the car and not wanting to get out of the car. I come back home and I don't want to get out of the car. I think it's the only time I spend reflecting. Chronic tiredness from Long Covid plus the immunosupressing meds for my Crohn's is slowing me down but everything just seems a massive effort. I am dealing with the paperwork following my father's death but it's not...
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Wow, it's the middle of the week already!Today is our 11 year anniversary, so we're going out to a nice dinner. I'm losing a lot of sleep these days, hence a wonky schedule and uncomfortable feelings. But I know it will pass, eventually.I hope all of you have a peaceful day, and may good things come your way!
I think whatever is driving the behaviour he's toxic and it's best to get as far away from him as you can.
I see you are in the UK, so am I, and I would recommend that you contact the NSPCC. They have advice lines 24/7 and they are very well-respected for their work in helping kids and preventing cruelty and/or abuse. Here is their contact info:
Phone - 0808 800 5000
e-mail - help@nspcc.org.uk
NSPCC is not a government agency, they are the primary charity in the UK concerned with children's safety. Their advisors can tell you what your best options are, what steps you would need to take, both for yourself and your sister. They have (I think) something like 40 different centres, too, so they are bound to have an office near you if you need to see someone face-to-face. But please try giving them a call and getting their advice. I think they can help you.
I hope you and your sister don't have to go through anymore trauma or drama. Let us know how you get on/what happens.
Hugs.....
I did have a restraining order against him years ago and while he didn't leave me alone it was reassuring to know that I could call the police on him.
I am trying to convince my sister's mother to get one, but since he hasn't been as bad towards her yet, they can't. Besides, as long as my sister still wants to remain in contact with him I'll try to support her and be there for her whenever he's nasty. He's her father after all and she still loves him, despite everything. Sometimes I think I do too, still, maybe this is what makes this so difficult.
I already have a new mobile number, he doesn't know my e-mail, etc.
I will try calling the nspcc, thank you.