This group is not near so active as others I belong to on Daily Strength. And I think we should decide what this board is for. The same story is told over & over again here, with many seeking to vent their feelings but not really looking for the difficult answers to the hard questions. I stay quiet when I am afraid I will hurt someone's feelings.

Your #1 job is to protect your childern. When you wrote of the anxiety they are developing, the only reply I would have given you is that you must take legal action to keep your ex away when he is not stable. Gather your evidence, even if just making a journal, then get a restraining order or an order that he can not have unsupervised visits.

Do everything you can do to minimize contact with your ex. Refuse to talk to him unless he is speaking calmly. And always speak calmly yourself. You do not have to participate in his insanity, so don't. Get yourself into therapy to help you learn how not to enable his unstable behavior. He can only treat you & the children as you allow him to do so.

Hugs.

Very good advice. And I am in the process of all the legal actions you state. I have been for almost two years now. It takes a lot of evidence needed for a judge to side with a parent in my place. But I continue to do so. Because my children are all that matter.

Take your most anxious child to see a child therapist & child psychiatrist. A documented treatment plan by your child's doctor is not something the judge can ignore. Be matter of fact without coming across as just a bitchy ex-wife.

There is a good chance your child with the ex will also be bipolar. And if that shit hits the fan you are going to need all the resources you can get. Better to have relationships established with professionals that can help your child should that help be needed. Teens, especially, are not known for cooperating with adults.

Dad is not exactly modeling for your kids how to deal with mental & emotional issues in a healthy way. This can cause all kinds of issues for them, whether or not they turn out to be bipolar.

Glad I did not hurt your feelings.

Hugs.

Dear CaitsMom,

I already have our child in therapy. Mainly because his father told him he would have issues like he does. But also because of having somewhere for our child to vent/talk/find comfort in other than his parents. Our child is only 8. My older children had therapy after the divorce and they are now 20 and 24. Mostly over all the trauma from my X. They mostly just a lot of hate and frustration from the fact that my X has never admitted to anything he ever done to them but they don't have to deal with him anymore now, most of the pain they have now is for their little brother.
I believe I am doing most of the smarter things I can be doing. But it doesn't make the hard days any easier.
I pray that our son wont have to deal with being troubled as his father is. It was so sad to watch his father struggle and be hated by so many. I really pray my son doesn't have to live like that.

Caitsmom has it, to to offen, same story, same rant, little problem solving, be pc when you might hurt somebody's feelings. And not just on this board. My experience, Being BP is usually one of, or a cause of a series of issues the sufferer and/or their family deals with. Crummy relationships, damage to career, finances, physical health, add to the list as your situation dictates. Solutions require difficult choices, damned hard work. For the sufferer. If it gets to bad you can take the kids and walk. You can support but you aren't the cure. My GF was diagnosed BP2, lots of anxieties, tends to give up easily, poor stress management strategies, depression, toxic guilts(her own therapist told her of the last). Where to start? Its been 4 years now and we couldn't live without each other. You appear to have started on your own recovery by protecting your children. Now what. Maintenance. Get out some paper and a number 2 pencil and make a list of goals. What's happened isn't going to go away, ever, but your struggle can become a postive, like I say regularly, where is the opportuniity here? A "normal" happy life for your kids, for you, heck maybe even for your ex. Keep comming back, I'm not so PC.

I will keep coming here. Everyone is so nice and helpful, encouraging. I understand a lot of my problems are just that.....my problems. I can't expect my X to change. Nor don't I expect any simple answers.
I apologize for my venting. I am working on trying to do that less as well

Just what I needed, too. Tnx all.

I feel the same way...about my husband and child and the situation. No one really answers. So ditto on most everything.

I'm new to this site, but I'll throw my hat in the ring here. My entire life has been shaped by relationships with bipolar individuals, from my older sister, my teenage best friend, my husband, and now my 18 year-old daughter. This is difficult stuff to live and deal with, so I truly feel for you.

I wasn't really aware that it was bipolar disorder that I was dealing with until recently, because even in college psychology we barely touched on it enough to understand its complexity. I just thought "difficult" people were just, well, difficult people. Rapid cycling moods, irrational anger and abusiveness were never something I knew was part of the disorder, so I never put the two together. Besides, my own anxiety and depression was often overwhelming.

As I write this, my husband is in and accellerating manic state that has been ramping up for the past few weeks. He's in denial about the diagnosis and currently refusing treatment. Fortunately his worst episodes have never de-evolved into physical abuse, but there were some mental and emotionally punishing times when I almost left him.

You need to do whatever is necessary to shelter your 8 year-old from your ex-husband's behaviors. You know that. I think what you need to hear is that these things are not your fault, and that you're a victim as much as your ex is a victim.

It's OK to vent here, and I think that's largely what the site is for. It seems easier to "journal" when you feel as though somebody is "listening" to what we say.

Hang in there, and find ways to manage your own anxiety and frustration. A therapist would probably be very helpful for you, if you find the right one.

Stay strong! The roller coaster goes up as well as down and sometimes it stops altogether for awhile. :>)

Dear IamAudrey,

Thank you for your advice and understanding. I have my little one in therapy now. And hopefully can get myself into therapy as well. I spend time with my little one's therapist to learn some tools on how to maintain our anxiety. His therapist has diagnosed my little one with Anxiety Disorder.
I am looking forward to some learning more ways to maintain our anxiety.
Thank you
Shelby