hi all,

this support group is new to me. i'm 34. i have a mom who is bi-polar 1 with rapid cycling and borderline personality. im here cause i think i've finally reached my patience and cant seem to speak to my mom lately without it ending in a fight or me hurt and angry. i need tools to help communicate, etc. so here goes:

i'm a mom of a 4 year old and still discovery who i am. i live a fast paced life (which my mother never seems to understand) and live in another state than my family. i've come to a head where i have deep seeded issues with my mom and how we communicate. as of late we have been fighting mostly me and then her crying. she was diagnosed when i first started college and its been a roller coaster ever since. my dad is always gonna side with my mother in any argument cause god forbid i rock the boat (he's ocd) and my brother and i are not on those sort of speaking terms as he has recent ptsd from millitary combat. my husband is my rock but i need some support and advice from folks who have gone through this. i first and foremost want to state that i absolutely love my mother or else i wouldnt be here. i cant help having guilt for even discussing what makes me feel like behind her back. (my own survivor issues??) its taken me this long to admit i cant handle this alone anymore. i'm not ashamed or angry that she has this disease hell when shes doing well its great its also made me who i am. but i have got to start setting boundaries. as my husband put it recently when i told him of our latest fight (be telling her i'm not her doctor and would prefer not to hear about her med adjustments anymore and rather focus on just talking about mom and not just about bipolar all the time) is that he says "honey unfortunately i think you are just now realizing that the way you and your moms relationship has always been, you are her sounding board and her mini psych" i guess hes right i'm the first person she calls when shes having apanic attack, i'm responsible for her happiness, and i have to constantly watch what i say so as to not hurt her feelings. but damn it sometimes i want to be asked how i feel, or how i['m doing, or i dont know get a tv mom response??. and i need boundaries. i'm not her doctor, i'm her daughter. and often feel like i'm her mother. i feel as if this post is totally rambling but i have so many questions and concerns i dont know where to begin. i'm sad because i want my mother back but i also want boundaries. i'm tired of the shock value comments and the childlike demenour. i'm often made to feel guilty that i grew up and left home to start my own family. and that i got a masters and she completed high school. she gets mad at my need for learning new things and refuses to better herself when she admits to things shed like to learn. she hates disruption in her routine for instance she will complain about not seeing me all year (flights are super expensive so i usually can only afford once a year) but once i get there she acts weird, or has worked herself up so much that shes in a depression and cant go anywhere. i'm so exhausted. i was lucky that my dad was millitary and we grew up on base because she had a great support group to raise me and my brother. but now she has no community and lives in the country, she claims its her solice but i cant help but get annoyed when she cant understand i'm not her mini me and thats not the life for me. any of this ring a bell for anyone?

looking forward to your support.