Family & Friends of Bipolar Support Group
This community is dedicated to parents, siblings, grandparents, other relatives and friends of someone who is Bipolar. The purpose of this community is to help families and friends develop greater patience and understanding, as well as maintain a positive, caring relationships with those diagnosed as Bipolar.
Back again. Need to vent a bit. Probably will be long.
Mum is going between being kind of happy to sad/depressed to very irritated. Sometimes she's depressed and irritated. It's hard to deal with. Nothing I say is right. Nothing I do is right.
She thinks she's old and sick and her life sucks. And while her life at the moment most likely does suck she won't do anything to help herself. And she is 51. Not old at all in my opinion. If she was 90 something well maybe I'd agree. I know she's depressed and everything seems hopeless (believe me I know suffering from depression myself; but I still try to make the best of my life or to help myself. But she won't).
As for being sick. (She keeps getting headaches) but drinks nothing but coffee and coke. And still won't go see her doctor. She says she's taking her tablets but that doesn't mean she is. She has a broken tooth that is cutting her tongue and making her throat sore. But won't look into anywhere she can see a dentist. I'm sure there must be somewhere she could go as a pensioner. I have tried looking into it. But she won't take my suggestions. She has no money to pay for a normal dentist visit and I can't help her with that at the moment either. She has no money because she refuses to got to the part time job that she was lucky enough to get that fit in with everything she needed it too.
She has said several times I can't afford this. I have no money that. I can't go anywhere or do anything because I have no money. (Get's either very depressed and sad about it or very irritated and mean)Yet won't go back to the job when they were willing to take her back. It was only 8-12 hours a week (which is all she can manage) but with that and the pension at least she could pay things a bit easier and sometimes have some spare money.
She makes me feel so guilty for having the life I do. Other then her my life is good and I am very lucky (My anxiety and depression is a hurdle but if she wasn't causing so many issues all the time I would not be nowhere near as bad as I am).
But I try to help her and be there for her as much as I can. Even though I am near the end of my rope with her. I still haven't cut her off. I don't really want to. I just can't take the disruption and pain in my life anymore.
To help her/be there for her I...
I call her everyday
I visit her at least once a week (unless she cancels it like she did today)
I research and find out things that may help her and try to help her arrange it; cheaper housing, find a dentist, support group etc (but she won't do anything about it).
My husband and I try to invite her over or take her somewhere at least every 6 weeks. We are trying to up that to every three weeks or so after the last episode. But it's hard because I just can't be around her too much. For my own sanity. It's a boundary I have to have.
We pay stuff for her (lend her the money; she does pay it back slowly) when we can. At the moment we can't help with much though.
I don't know if what I do for her would be classified as 'enough' or not. I feel that I am doing more for her then some would. But maybe I am selfish I don't know. (I have a lot of guilt about her). I have found a therapist...I just don't have the money to go for another few weeks though. I haven't found anything for a lower cost or free that would suit my needs in my area.
She makes me feel guilty about living my life. Going places with my husband or buying things etc. It makes me angry too. I should be able to live my life and not feel bad. She literally lays guilt trips on me whenever we go somewhere; I try not to tell her if at all possible so I don't have to feel bad.
I know she wants to go out too but as I said I can't be around her too much. Also my husband and I have 2 days a week to spend together and we like to be together just us. Which I think should be ok. We take her with us sometimes. And it also depends what we re doing because she tires easy. She can be moody and is very rude to people. We took her out on a picnic to a wildlife park on Sunday and she was so irritated an rude and complained the whole time about everything. And then wonders why I don't want her trailing after me everywhere I go. She brings me down. I can't enjoy what I'm doing because she's there being negative and horrible. Or I worry about what she will say to someone.
Guess I should stop now I've gone on long enough. I just wanted to write because when she starts getting irritated and stuff I worry she will go manic and then psychotic again. And that I can not take. It's one thing for her moods to be the way they are. It's hard but I can cope enough. Her being psychotic is not something I can deal with.
Mum is going between being kind of happy to sad/depressed to very irritated. Sometimes she's depressed and irritated. It's hard to deal with. Nothing I say is right. Nothing I do is right.
She thinks she's old and sick and her life sucks. And while her life at the moment most likely does suck she won't do anything to help herself. And she is 51. Not old at all in my opinion. If she was 90 something well maybe I'd agree. I know she's depressed and everything seems hopeless (believe me I know suffering from depression myself; but I still try to make the best of my life or to help myself. But she won't).
As for being sick. (She keeps getting headaches) but drinks nothing but coffee and coke. And still won't go see her doctor. She says she's taking her tablets but that doesn't mean she is. She has a broken tooth that is cutting her tongue and making her throat sore. But won't look into anywhere she can see a dentist. I'm sure there must be somewhere she could go as a pensioner. I have tried looking into it. But she won't take my suggestions. She has no money to pay for a normal dentist visit and I can't help her with that at the moment either. She has no money because she refuses to got to the part time job that she was lucky enough to get that fit in with everything she needed it too.
She has said several times I can't afford this. I have no money that. I can't go anywhere or do anything because I have no money. (Get's either very depressed and sad about it or very irritated and mean)Yet won't go back to the job when they were willing to take her back. It was only 8-12 hours a week (which is all she can manage) but with that and the pension at least she could pay things a bit easier and sometimes have some spare money.
She makes me feel so guilty for having the life I do. Other then her my life is good and I am very lucky (My anxiety and depression is a hurdle but if she wasn't causing so many issues all the time I would not be nowhere near as bad as I am).
But I try to help her and be there for her as much as I can. Even though I am near the end of my rope with her. I still haven't cut her off. I don't really want to. I just can't take the disruption and pain in my life anymore.
To help her/be there for her I...
I call her everyday
I visit her at least once a week (unless she cancels it like she did today)
I research and find out things that may help her and try to help her arrange it; cheaper housing, find a dentist, support group etc (but she won't do anything about it).
My husband and I try to invite her over or take her somewhere at least every 6 weeks. We are trying to up that to every three weeks or so after the last episode. But it's hard because I just can't be around her too much. For my own sanity. It's a boundary I have to have.
We pay stuff for her (lend her the money; she does pay it back slowly) when we can. At the moment we can't help with much though.
I don't know if what I do for her would be classified as 'enough' or not. I feel that I am doing more for her then some would. But maybe I am selfish I don't know. (I have a lot of guilt about her). I have found a therapist...I just don't have the money to go for another few weeks though. I haven't found anything for a lower cost or free that would suit my needs in my area.
She makes me feel guilty about living my life. Going places with my husband or buying things etc. It makes me angry too. I should be able to live my life and not feel bad. She literally lays guilt trips on me whenever we go somewhere; I try not to tell her if at all possible so I don't have to feel bad.
I know she wants to go out too but as I said I can't be around her too much. Also my husband and I have 2 days a week to spend together and we like to be together just us. Which I think should be ok. We take her with us sometimes. And it also depends what we re doing because she tires easy. She can be moody and is very rude to people. We took her out on a picnic to a wildlife park on Sunday and she was so irritated an rude and complained the whole time about everything. And then wonders why I don't want her trailing after me everywhere I go. She brings me down. I can't enjoy what I'm doing because she's there being negative and horrible. Or I worry about what she will say to someone.
Guess I should stop now I've gone on long enough. I just wanted to write because when she starts getting irritated and stuff I worry she will go manic and then psychotic again. And that I can not take. It's one thing for her moods to be the way they are. It's hard but I can cope enough. Her being psychotic is not something I can deal with.
You know I've never really thought about it that way. That the support I give should be my decision- what I can handle...Really I think what I do is about all I can handle.
Boundaries...I always struggle. I always feel bad even if it's what I really need. I feel like I'm being mean.