Family & Friends of Bipolar Support Group

This community is dedicated to parents, siblings, grandparents, other relatives and friends of someone who is Bipolar. The purpose of this community is to help families and friends develop greater patience and understanding, as well as maintain a positive, caring relationships with those diagnosed as Bipolar.

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/ Family & Friends of Bipolar Support Group

Is there a hope?

belight
belight

Hi, I was looking for a forum where people would share their experience of dealing with a bipolar spouse, which is what I go through. I've been with my husband for 10 years - we dated for 8 years and are married for 2 - and I was hoping that being married and living together would improve our relationship and help us become closer to each other. However, his mood swings are getting worse and my own emotional health is deteriorating. I feel that this relationship takes all my energy and joy from my life and there is little hope for the future. I truly cared for him all these years since we've been together, but lately I started feeling helpless and desparate. I don't think, he does his share in getting to feel better. He refuses to take his meds and to be seen by a phychiatris, is emotionally abusive, makes up accusations towards me, opens new bank accounts and takes large sums of money from our joint account, tranfers his direct deposits to his new accounts, slams doors, yells obsceneties, etc. After each of such episodes, it becomes harder and harder for me to pull myself together and love him as I used to. I feel empty and hopeless. Is this the end of the relationship? I know, he needs help, and I've always been there for him. However, he doesn't even realize how much I've done for him. So, is it worth it? Is there a hope that with a right course of action this will improve? 

pamdidi
pamdidi
this is a very serious mental illness and your husband is not complying with taking his meds etc. seeing a therapist. My only suggestion is to see a therapist yourself and then try to get him to join you with the therapist. You need more support than the support on here - even though this is good you need face to face. There is always hope if he will take responsibility. there is no reason to treat you so badly because he has a mental illness - he needs to repent and seek help. So sorry you are going through this. Hugs to you!
belight
belight
Thank you for your reply. Sometimes he repents, but only for a moment. Most of the times he doesn't even remember how badly he acted. I started taking videos of his violent behavior, this is the only thing that makes him slow down a bit. Sometimes, I just pretend recording him - just grab the phone and hold it with the camera facing him. Instead of repenting, he usually resorts to blaming me for his actions.
Karelian
Karelian
Sadly I'm in the same situation only I've been living with this situation for 50+ years. What I feel for my husband today is not love but more of fear as to what will happen to him if I were to leave at this point in our lives. His condition has had a deep affect on our children who have very little to do with us as a result. His illness has affected friendships, placed us in debt numerous times and I find the older he gets the worse he becomes. He knows he has the problem but refuses to seek help. Most days I feel at a complete loss and worn down to where I'm becoming more and more depressed myself. I'm in the process of seeking a therapist but due to where we live in a small community, I'm having some difficulty. I would never wish this lifestyle on anyone, mental illness has a deep affect on an entire family.
belight
belight
Thank you for your reply, I am so sorry to hear about your situation! Hugs to you! Your message makes me think about what is awaiting for me if I stay in this relationship. I also feel bad about leaving him because I've been thinking that he depends on me in many ways. So, I'm at the loss. I also am utterly alone because I don't have a courage to share the details of my situation with other people. I feel that he literally vampires my energy, and lives off it, leaving me vulnerable, almost debilitated. While we were dating I didn't even know about his illness, I just thought that his impulsiveness was due to his personality flaws. At least, marriage and living together opened my eyes and showed me he is truly ill and needs medical attention. Only now, I start realizing that I have to focus on my own well-being, which I neglected for so long, but it's hard to change yourself right away. I think, having understanding friends would be a good help, but being in this situation makes it difficult to reach out. Was your husband ill all those years that you've been together?