Family & Friends of Bipolar Support Group

This community is dedicated to parents, siblings, grandparents, other relatives and friends of someone who is Bipolar. The purpose of this community is to help families and friends develop greater patience and understanding, as well as maintain a positive, caring relationships with those diagnosed as Bipolar.

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alone1020 04/12/2013

My husband has been really bad lately with his Anger. He is constantly mad at me. He calls me names and hurts my feelings. He is never physical. I will be married to him for 24 years. We have gone through a lot of episodes of his illness, but I try to stick by him. For the last few years he has been getting worse. He won't go on meds, and we have no health insurance for him to even go to a doctor. He says very cruel things to me and I sometimes get angry. When I get angry back and tell him how hurtful this is to me, he tells me its his illness and he can't help himself. I should stand by him and take it cause I wouldn't treat him this way if he had cancer. He compares his illness to cancer all the time. I sleep in the spare bedroom a lot. A few weeks ago he made a suggestion that we should separate because he can't live this way any longer. He wants a wife who supports him and feels like I turn on him. I Caved and told him I would try to be the wife he wants. He wants a wife on his terms, someone to beret and put down and just get angry so he can get it out. He told me this is him home (even thought we both pay the bills) and he can't lose here. Well needless to say I have been taking it and out of the blue he gets angry at me the other day and called me a few choice words and hung up on me. I was going to come home like I do and just cook dinner and not even bring it up. He locked my out of our bedroom, and even the next morning I couldn't get in to get ready for work. So we went the next day not talking, and then I get a text he wants to split because I am not supportive. I know he means it this time, and I don't understand what I did wrong this time. I can't afford the house myself, but I can't afford to lose it either. A part of me is really scared about the future but then a part of me wants this to be over. I am really torn. There is so much more I could fill everyone in with, but I know I have written a lot already. I really fell all alone this time. I haven't discussed this with my family yet and I don't want to tell my son until he finishes his year of school. Thank you for letting me vent and tell some of my story.

deleted_user 04/12/2013

Your marriage sounds a LOT like mine. I too have had to deal with extreme mood swings, anger that comes out of no where, and really unpredictable things like getting locked out of the bedroom for no reason, etc. It's true that it's his illness, but there's a fine line between you being supportive and enabling the abuse. I know, because like you I walk that line every single day, so I know what you're going through, the stress of it and the feelings of hopelessness. I don't think he's serious about leaving you though, because nobody else would tolerate his behavior. In my case, that part is kind of the reverse, because it's me that can't leave her. If I tell her I can't live like this anymore, she will say that she will commit suicide if I leave and I think it's probably the truth. In both cases though its all about control. He needs to realize that it's not unsupportive for you to refuse to put up with abuse. I really think you should stand your ground, because he's actually dependent on you to release his anger. He just doesn't seem to realize that yet.

You don't have to worry about writing a lot here, you will find plenty of people willing to hear everything you have to say. Hang in there and try to stay positive.

deleted_user 04/13/2013

I am really sorry that you suffer. And that you are worried and sad. My son treats his wife like that and is super rude, uses foul language and is extremely hurtful to her. He used to be to me, but now vents it all on an expeptional young woman.who supports him fully, she is the breadwinner and is earning an above average income. The thing is that I want to underline, is that you, my dear girl, are not alone. You did absolutely nothing wrong at all, you are brilliant and unique, never forget that. I am very much into my faith and would not be here today without Almighty God. My son is 43 and seems to have shown signs at 6 but not diagnosed till 39! After all the years I am slowly learning to care some for myself as well. Saw a GP yesterday and I was emotional, the G.P. remarked that BP is a very selfish disease. All really sad. And of course I do love, LOVE my son. Pardon me, I did not want to talk about us, but really want you to always remember that there are many of us who are with you in this, and that I keep you, and all BP sufferers and their loved ones in my daily prayers.

deleted_user 04/13/2013

For whatever reason, in this case, a husband is bipolar, the relationship has become one sided. I have never seen a relationship like this survive and be healthy. Your needs are not being met. Now the relationship has deteriorated to the point that you are constantly fearful. He will become angry, take your home away from you, lock you out , you have already altered the contact that you have with your family, including your son, people who might offer support and help, to you and your husband. I made a decision years ago when I was a young young man that I was not going to live in fear. The first thing that meant for me was developing some convictions and the means to support myself. From there I have never looked back. My suggestion, face your fears and develop an escape plan, then look at the future from there. My first consideration would be your relationship to your child.

Cat54 04/13/2013

This may sound awful, but.. spliitting may be the best thing to ever happen to you. Just saying.

sigmund2 04/15/2013

So sounds like my marriage.....the needing to insult, the house is mine ( did u sign it over to him cause i doubt it could be his otherwise), the locks on the doors. The only thing is that he does not want to split but your husband does. It is a blessing in disguise. You could rent out a room in the house perhaps

sumbunnylovesu 04/16/2013

Wow I am new here but I can so relate to all this; I have been putting up with simular stuff with my husband for 13 years and now its to the point I don't know if I want to put up with it anymore...I love him to death and I promised him I would always be there for him but he makes it so hard at times! I dont have time to write a full post tonight but I will share my story soon I promise I am also just looking for support to make sure I am not the one losing my mind with all the stuff he does! But I know we all need to what is best for us; I have finally after these years found my voice and stand up to him to a point but I always reasure him I love him but he must stay on treatment and help! But its so hard at times. Be strong and make sure to take care of you too!

sigmund2 04/16/2013

If today you take 1 step towards leaving him, then you might be surprised at how you feel. I would be smelling the freedom and loving thAt. You just might love the sense of dignity of doing what is good for yourself. I had to practically ruin my husbands life before he understood i didn't approve of his actions. Celebrate that you dont have to fight him for custody of your child in court or have a drawn out divorce. This is a clean break. Take the step towards it.

alone1020 04/21/2013

Thank you everyone for your support. I am sad to report that I caved again and agreed to try, but its hasn't gotten any better and your right, I think I really want out. I feel really bad for this, because I know this is an illness, but my husband now says take him the way he is, or leave. Frankly I want to leave. I am really sad myself and I know I am on the verge of depression, but not deep enough that I know what I really need to do. A part of me worries not about leaving at this moment, but of losing the house. The house is joint, I can't afford it alone and neither can he. Frankly I would go find an apartment, but the thing I am most afraid of is losing the house to foreclosure. If this happens, I won't be able to get the Parent Plus loan for my son. I will have bad credit. I was wondering if anyone has any advise on this matter. I really need to be able to help my son.

deleted_user 04/24/2013

Ah you poor thing, I have been in that place for 35 years. He need helps and a visit to the doctor to refer him to a psychiatrist, that is the only way for both of you. Please try and encourage him to take that route, as he is in a terrible place and you are the only one he can take it out on. You sound exhausted and need to speak to someone yourself. Please try and join a group aware.ie for families. My husband got the help and is doing great and is a different man, we never fight and he is calm and happy in himself. Our home was a cruel and dysfunctional place and now it at peace. I wish you all the best.

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