Family & Friends of Bipolar Support Group
This community is dedicated to parents, siblings, grandparents, other relatives and friends of someone who is Bipolar. The purpose of this community is to help families and friends develop greater patience and understanding, as well as maintain a positive, caring relationships with those diagnosed as Bipolar.
Sorry I keep posting I just don't know where else to get advise.
She lied about seeing her doctor the other day and getting her medication sorted after a psychotic episode. My sister got a prescription and got her the tablets after talking to the doctor. We went to try to explain that she needs to take the mood stabiliser and an anti-psychotic all the time (as the doctor said).
She doesnt think she should have to. She took it tonight. But she thinks we are being horrible and that she doesnt need it. She refuses to see her doctor regularly or manage her illness. I hoping shell come around because I am not living this way anymore. As Ive said before I have anxiety and depression and Im not coping. My normally strong sister is starting to break too. Its literally destroying our lives. (I do realise I need to see someone for myself; I am looking into money is an issue though).
She reckons the tablets are too strong because she is extremely tired on them but she wont go to the doctor to get it adjusted (a lower does or a different type of anti-psychotic). I get that she is unhappy on them because she is so tired but she wont go talk to the doctor and see what can be done. She wont have blood tests like she is supposed to manage her lithium levels. She wont do anything to help manage her illness and never has. She just lets herself go until she ends up psychotic and then my sister and I are being woken up in the middle of the night, having to miss work. Feeling terrified of the next time it happens. I understand its not her fault but when she is well she wont do anything to help herself or do anything proactive to stop another episode.
She keeps saying stuff like we dont care. Shes better off dead. We want her to be locked up and worse. Were doing all this because were trying to look after her even though its damaging us. She wont listen. Ive been so sick from stress the last 4 days Ive lost 3 kilos because I cant eat and what small amount I do eat I cant keep in. Im scared she might try to hurt herselfbecause we upset her tonight but we didnt know what else to do. She is meant to take both tablets its the only way to manage her episodes.
She thinks were butting into her life and telling her what to do. But its affecting our lives just as much and were trying to keep her from destroying her life. Whiles shes been psychotic before she has attack an old lady, spent all her money, taken drugs, been kicked out of her house, tried to kill herself etc. So we cant just let her go. Its not like shes just depressed or cranky or anything she literally does things that mess up her whole life and then guess whos expected to sort it all out for her while she cries.
Im at the end of my rope.
Do you think were being horrible here?
I feel so guilty and sad. She is so upset.
Are we doing the right thing?
If she wont help herself what do you do?
She lied about seeing her doctor the other day and getting her medication sorted after a psychotic episode. My sister got a prescription and got her the tablets after talking to the doctor. We went to try to explain that she needs to take the mood stabiliser and an anti-psychotic all the time (as the doctor said).
She doesnt think she should have to. She took it tonight. But she thinks we are being horrible and that she doesnt need it. She refuses to see her doctor regularly or manage her illness. I hoping shell come around because I am not living this way anymore. As Ive said before I have anxiety and depression and Im not coping. My normally strong sister is starting to break too. Its literally destroying our lives. (I do realise I need to see someone for myself; I am looking into money is an issue though).
She reckons the tablets are too strong because she is extremely tired on them but she wont go to the doctor to get it adjusted (a lower does or a different type of anti-psychotic). I get that she is unhappy on them because she is so tired but she wont go talk to the doctor and see what can be done. She wont have blood tests like she is supposed to manage her lithium levels. She wont do anything to help manage her illness and never has. She just lets herself go until she ends up psychotic and then my sister and I are being woken up in the middle of the night, having to miss work. Feeling terrified of the next time it happens. I understand its not her fault but when she is well she wont do anything to help herself or do anything proactive to stop another episode.
She keeps saying stuff like we dont care. Shes better off dead. We want her to be locked up and worse. Were doing all this because were trying to look after her even though its damaging us. She wont listen. Ive been so sick from stress the last 4 days Ive lost 3 kilos because I cant eat and what small amount I do eat I cant keep in. Im scared she might try to hurt herselfbecause we upset her tonight but we didnt know what else to do. She is meant to take both tablets its the only way to manage her episodes.
She thinks were butting into her life and telling her what to do. But its affecting our lives just as much and were trying to keep her from destroying her life. Whiles shes been psychotic before she has attack an old lady, spent all her money, taken drugs, been kicked out of her house, tried to kill herself etc. So we cant just let her go. Its not like shes just depressed or cranky or anything she literally does things that mess up her whole life and then guess whos expected to sort it all out for her while she cries.
Im at the end of my rope.
Do you think were being horrible here?
I feel so guilty and sad. She is so upset.
Are we doing the right thing?
If she wont help herself what do you do?
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I find myself going places in the car and not wanting to get out of the car. I come back home and I don't want to get out of the car. I think it's the only time I spend reflecting. Chronic tiredness from Long Covid plus the immunosupressing meds for my Crohn's is slowing me down but everything just seems a massive effort. I am dealing with the paperwork following my father's death but it's not...
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Wow, it's the middle of the week already!Today is our 11 year anniversary, so we're going out to a nice dinner. I'm losing a lot of sleep these days, hence a wonky schedule and uncomfortable feelings. But I know it will pass, eventually.I hope all of you have a peaceful day, and may good things come your way!
I think you know I'm bipolar. It's not a picnic but you do have to take responsibility and "put the work in". As you quite rightly say that includes working with doctors to sort out the medication - it's usually not right first time because rither you are trying to find the right combination that can control the bipolar or find something that doesn't give you side effects that you can't really live with.
If she doesn't take the meds she can't get to the point where you would expect the side effects like extreme fatigue to settle down. You need to give it a month or so at least. I was on lithium for 5 months before we decided it really wasn't working after going through a month - in the first month or so it was nausea every morning, shakes, short term memory loss but you just have to stick with it.
So in answer "Do you think were being horrible here? " the answer is no. She's an adult and as longs she is capable of making choices she is choosing to be this way.
As suggested a few times before you need to get counslling for yourself. You are in an impossible situation and you need a professional to help you deal with that.
I think it would be helpful if you could talk to someone in mental health services to ask for their advice to you.
Clearly she is a danger to others and herself - she may get herself sectioned anyway and they may treat her for just long enough for her to come back to reality.
The lithium seems to be ok with her although she does shake if the dosage is too high. The anti-psychotic seems to give her the most trouble but she needs it. If she'd just talk to the doctor I'm sure there is something she can take or maybe a lower dosage that wouldnt make her this tired. I'm so frustrated she complains but wont try to sort it out and gets mad at us when she wont do anything. If she had gone to the doctor herself then she could have talked to him about it and got it sorted but no, she wont. I'm scared of tomorrow. She makes me feel so bad about it and I'm just trying to help her.
I wonder if you know the anti-psychotic she is on is making her tired (cant keep her eyes open tired) will that eventually even out once her body is use to it or would it mean it's a side effect she will always have from that particular type and dosage? She says it makes her feel like she is over-dosing on it. Which I get must feel awful but the only way to fix that is to see the doctor. But shed rather take it and complain and be abusive or not take it and run the risk of going psychotic again.
Hope u get therapy, to help u sort things out.
hugs, tedi
Therapy for yourself could be so helpful to you. Find someone to talk to right away. Here in the U.S., we have free support groups in all the states for both the mentally ill person and their families. Perhaps you can find something near you that would be similar.
I think you also need to work with your sister and a therapist/doctor to develop a plan. Can your mom sign a release for her doctor to speak with you? i know my husband had a psychiatrist that would always call me right back whenever something was going on and see him right away. But if you can explain how the meds are affecting her, perhaps the doctor would be willing to prescribe a lower dose or change the times (if it makes her sleepy, she should take it at night, not in the morning...) without making your mom upset about having to see the doctor. You will have to set boundaries. Yes, she's your mom, and she's very ill, however, she is also an adult, and she must know that there are consequences to every action or lack of. You and your sister will have to work out a plan and stick to it. If it means that she ends up in a hospital, then so be it, at least you'll know she can't hurt herself or anyone else there.
Take care of yourself!
I know my mum won't sign any sort of release. She thinks we interfere in enough (because she just won't listen that this effects our lives just as much as hers). And she won't make any sort of plan to help when it gets bad.
I don't wan to not help her but it's just too much, especially when she won't help herself.
So she's been taking her medication (So she says) and she takes it at night and says she's not too sleepy through the day now, she just sleeps about 12 hours. But the lithium makes her shake so she only wants to take it every second day. I told her to talk to the doctor about that and maybe she can take something else or a different dose (instead of changing it on her own). She needs get a blood test and to see her doctor anyway because she is meant to have the lithium level in her blood monitored, which she doesn't. I feel like I am talking to a brick wall. And if it was only going to effect her I wouldn't feel as stressed since we've tried and tried. But she does things that effect me and my sister too much and end up with horrible consequences we have to deal with for months and years later for herself. Yet when she is 'well' she still won't put any plans in place or take her medication or see the doctor the way she should.
I'll look into a free support group...not sure if there is any near me though.
She seemed in a mood today complaining about not having money but she is refusing to go back to her part time job (that she only got a few months ago- working like 8 hours a week). Things were finally looking up. She had a little bit of money to go with her pension and had something to do other then complain my sister and I don't take her everywhere we go. The day she was completely psychotic she was at work (And they know she is bipolar) she reckons that her boss' husband said stuff to her/abused her etc and she stormed off. Her boss assures me he wasn't even on the property. So I am 99% sure she hallucinated it like all the other stuff she was going on about that day. 'I was hurt. My sister was missing. There were people coming to take her house. The were satellites listing' etc. And she seems to get all that stuff wasn't real, but still is adamant that he abused her and that her boss is lying and she's not going back. So she's just screwed up one of the best things that she had going for her in a long time. Her boss is still quiet happy for her to come back even after the episode on the Friday. So I don't know what to think. I'm pretty sure she hallucinated it but why is this the only thing she won't realise wasn't real. I don't know why the boss would want her back if there was an actual issue and the state mum was in I am sure it didn't happen.
She also seemed annoyed because next Monday I told her my husband and I would take her on a picnic but I had to change it to Sunday today because we had to make an appointment on the Monday. She was all like well you don't have to take me at all I'm not forcing you. I said we want too we just have to change the day. It's not like she has anything else on because she wont go back to work. All she does is complain she doesn't do anything but she is so negative and stressful I have to limit my time with her. She thinks we should invite her out every weekend. My husband and I only have two days to spend doing stuff together a week and we want to do them together just us most of the time. I'm happy for every third or forth to invite her but not them all.
Okay sorry that was long. I just needed to get it out.