Cat, I don't know what to say. It sounds horrible. I understand why you've had enough.

Your son is 25, not 12 and he has a responsibility to sort his life out.

Other than saying that, I don't know what to add. If it wasn't for his son I'd say kick him out - maybe he'd wake up and stop wasting his life.

I really wish I had some advice for you.

There's dealing with life, and running away is one option, not my suggestion, and not what I'm getting from your post. You can be a divorcee, but not an ex mom. So how to care for your son, to do that I suggest you continue to stick by him, and that means at some level dealing with your husband. Why is your husband treating his own son in such a fashion? Like he's 12 when he's really 25. I am having problems identifying why a father would do this to his child, are you, perhaps start there in resolving your issue. Has your son been to a counseling group, you husband, maybe they can go together?

When my husband (big B) and I were married his son (B) was 9, my son (T) was 6. When Big B got divorced B's Bio mother told him that "he could have the boy" she didn't want him. She is a life long alcoholic. B was forced to visit her, there was abuse, both verbal and sexual. B was diagnosed as being BP 18 months ago. But before that there was ADHD and OCD. B also has a 21/2 year old son who lives with us. Big B s disabled with chronic pain and RSD, a colostomy (from cancer) and has always been anxiety driven. He has almost had to be hospitalized twice this year because of panic attacks directly connecected to dealing with B. (I had a heart attack brought on by a very bad day with B) The baby may have problems of his own, ( probley just the terrible 2's)

My son and I are total opposites to the B"s. We used to be laid back with fun and beauty in our lives. Now we are trapped in a world of lies, vulgarty, drama, drama, drama. Such extreme highs and lows that we are now hiding in our own ways. T works 2 jobs and spends the rest of his time in his room. Won't move out because he is afraid of what will be happening here. He is the peace maker. Sucks to be him. He should be my priority, but I am so caught up in the world of the B's, How can I leave them after everything we have been through, how can I leave when they would destroy eachother, when they are sick? But how can I stay in a place that is slowly ripping all the feeling from our lives? Driving us into dispair?

Cat, I read some of the stuff you were going through daily and hence the reply I gave before - I didn't realise until now it was your step son that was doing these things.

Can I make a couple of suggestions? Stay and talk to us here but maybe also talk on the family issues board..

also think about getting a counsellor as a sounding board for you - I think you need to work with someone professional to make an assessment whether you main issue is your step son or after how you have described yourself and T whether your realationship with your husband is also not good for you and it's both of them.

Life is too precious for you and T to spend it trying to prop up two people that even if their problems were solved would still be toxic to you.

that's how it sounds to me - if you agree great, if I'm wrong that's also fine because maybe it provokes you to clarify your thinking

talking to someone who can help you seperate things out will help you make a decision..and then whatever you decide I think you need someone professional who is on "your side" to support you through whatever it is you need to do whether you stay or go.

You have the right to live separately but trying to get into counseling with u abd big b is an idea to consider. You have the obligation ti put your little boy in a healthy environment. I am speaking from a situation where my husband dies some similar things ( yells, makes drama...).

Oh Cat, so sorry you are going through all that. Sound like B isn't medicated properly and is in need of psychiatric treatment and therapy if he isn't already receiving it. I also recmmend that you look up DBSA and NAMI and see if either are local to you. They have free support groups for you, Big B and B. NAMI even has classes for you, Big B and T. This site has been a lifesaver for me, but it's also a wonderful feeling to be in a room full of people going through exactly what you are. They can also be great ways to network and find out who the good doctors & therapists in your area are, as well as other supports & services B could qualify for.

Dear Cat! I have seen it all with my Bipolar son of 43. I have the greatest empathy with you, believe me! I am sorry about the extra "burdon" of what you tell us about your husband, BUT, Cat, please try to seperate the disease from the person, your son. I know how hard it is for you. I will pray for you and your son when I pray for my son, which is day and night. A curious fish does not know, I think. The disease does not have a cut-off date. See my profile. Have you not seen A brilliant mind? If I remember the title of the movie correctly. Also let me add the names of only some known Bipolar sufferers: Katherien Zeta-Jones, Richard Branson, Audrey Hepburn was, so was Mozart, Da Vinci, etc They usually are very refined and super intellegent, but often times the disease prevent thm from fulfilling their destiny.
Cat, may God bless you and with His supernatural love and power, turn your lives around. Loving hugs. Lorrie9