Family & Friends of Bipolar Support Group
This community is dedicated to parents, siblings, grandparents, other relatives and friends of someone who is Bipolar. The purpose of this community is to help families and friends develop greater patience and understanding, as well as maintain a positive, caring relationships with those diagnosed as Bipolar.
Hello :). I do have friends who are bipolar, but I was wondering if maybe I could get some advice on how to keep a friend when I have bipolar myself. I know it can be hard when you feel like you're the "caregiver", but there are two problems I've had in my friendship that makes my best friend mad at me a lot of the time:
1) She feels she is my counselor. I don't actually want her to counsel me, but she always takes this role up and then gets mad because she feels I am abusing her. I tried to talk to her about boundaries before, but this has gotten us nowhere. I want to make sure that I am treating her with respect so that we can remain good friends.
2) Lately I have been picking a lot of fights with her. She always forgives me, but then we just keep fighting. I don't want to lose her because she's my best friend, but lately she has told me this is the end of our friendship. Any ideas on how to salvage it and treat her better next time?
Thanks for listening!
1) She feels she is my counselor. I don't actually want her to counsel me, but she always takes this role up and then gets mad because she feels I am abusing her. I tried to talk to her about boundaries before, but this has gotten us nowhere. I want to make sure that I am treating her with respect so that we can remain good friends.
2) Lately I have been picking a lot of fights with her. She always forgives me, but then we just keep fighting. I don't want to lose her because she's my best friend, but lately she has told me this is the end of our friendship. Any ideas on how to salvage it and treat her better next time?
Thanks for listening!
While relationships are generally not equal, it is possible for them to be fair. You no doubt both contribute, though there certainly may be times when you feel like you are taking more than you are giving. In other ways, there could be a chance for you to help her, but don't keep score. It might be worth considering what she "gets" out of placing herself in the counseling role. It could be so she can feel competent by offering help or it could be just that she enjoys your company but assumes that counseling is what you want of her. Would she be agreeable to activities where you are together, more or less just hanging out but not talking? Like watching a movie or working out. It may feel less like a therapy session if you can find stuff to do that is less talk oriented.
If you actually go to a counselor you could let her know that "Yes, that's something I'm working on with my therapist. I'm not wanting to talk about it now, but I'll let you know" and then change the subject to something not related to figuring out problems.
2. When my daughter picks fights it can be a number of things, including her needing a med adjustment. If it looks like you want to "bite everyone's head off", meds could be an issue. You can be angry with anyone, but under most circumstances, not everyone all at once :) . If it looks like you are mostly only fighting with her, it could be a number of things. A couple that come to mind would be a. you feel fairly close and trusting of her, and thus you feel free to take out moods on her. I think we all do this, from time to time, even if it's not a great relationship tactic.
You might not be the only one picking fights. It may just be a pattern the two of you have fallen into, even though it is likely that it's not making you happy.
Sorry for the two part, long winded answer. Your question caught my attention because I think this has been one of the biggest issues for my daughter as well. You got the moods, the meds, the circumstance plus all the stuff whomever you are with is going through. I know it's a challenge. You sound like you are doing a lot of work on your own stuff, so any friendship you have must benefit from that.
From me, this is more like how I mother people. You can imagine how fun that could be for my daughter at times. Poor kid, doesn't stand a chance since there is no "ignore" button on our interactions ;)