Family & Friends of Bipolar Support Group
This community is dedicated to parents, siblings, grandparents, other relatives and friends of someone who is Bipolar. The purpose of this community is to help families and friends develop greater patience and understanding, as well as maintain a positive, caring relationships with those diagnosed as Bipolar.
I have lived with the bipolar illness all my life. My mother was bipolar in and out of the state hospital all my childhood. At that time they didn't even have a name for the illness other than a nervous breakdown. She improved greatly when they started to treat patients with lithium but of course she would have episodes of stop taking her medicine and as she aged the illness worsened and she eventually ended up in a nursing home and passed away at age 72.
That was tough, but not near as tough as watching my 19 year old go through the same thing. But this time not only did he have the bipolar illness, he got addicted to excessive amounts of cold medicine before his diagnosis so he has a dual diagnosis of bipolar/addiction. He is now 36 and he had some good years in between, he was married and had two little girls. But after 5 years of marriage the wife got a divorce which drove him to a manic which got him arrested and he went through two years of mental health court. We supported him through out that process both financially and emotionally. But he never could beat the addiction to the cough medicine and had his charge only reduced not taken off which made it difficult to find jobs and of course when he found one he would eventually lose it due to manic episodes.
He has lived with us for the last 6 years. I applied for state assistance and after nine month of appeals and court hearings he received medical coverage from state Medicaid. SSDI (social security disability insurance) is a different matter. He has been denied two twice and we are waiting for a court hearing which is out 18 months. His car finally died which was a relieve to us because we were always in fear he would get in an accident and harm himself and others.
My biggest problem now is he isnt compliant about taking his medicine or following up on appointments with mental health. He doesnt like the Seroquel because that makes him hungry and he gains weight, he loves his clonopin and would eat that like candy if he could. So basically he goes to our local mental health department and gets two weeks of medicine in a bubble pack but he picks and chooses what he is going to take.
A couple of months ago I went with him to his therapist and he agreed he would place his medicine where we both could see it and I would hold on to the second bubble pack and give it to him on the second week. That agreement last maybe two days and the bubble pack was gone from the spot we agreed on. He did let me keep a hold of the second bubble pack which was actually a big improvement because he couldnt take all the clonopin at once and it was spread out a little more evenly.
Last week there was miscommunication between mental health and him on getting his medicine. At the time I was frustrated with both him and mental health. I felt like I had to follow up on every little thing and I just couldnt do it anymore. When I did get myself together he was in a full-blown manic and as I was trying to get him the help he needed he accidentally knocked me down and I ended up calling 911.
Now that he is sitting in jail, I dont really know what to do. A part of me tells me I have done everything humanly possible and leave it up to the system. The mental health department told me they will try to get him back into the mental health program but they no longer have his permission to discuss his case with me anymore. So I really dont know if they have follow up with that or not. The way the jail is set up I can only send him a postcard and visit him if he puts me on a visitation list after three days in jail. Of course I will send a postcard and let him know I still love him, I have put money on an account so he can call if he wants, I will also put money in an account for him to buy drinks etc., in jail, and I will visit him if he puts me on the list.
So my questions are. Why do I still feel like a failed him? What do you do when you feel like you cant live with the insanity anymore? What do I tell the ex-wife to tell his 9 and 7 year old girls? Do you think there is anything else out there that I can do for him?
That was tough, but not near as tough as watching my 19 year old go through the same thing. But this time not only did he have the bipolar illness, he got addicted to excessive amounts of cold medicine before his diagnosis so he has a dual diagnosis of bipolar/addiction. He is now 36 and he had some good years in between, he was married and had two little girls. But after 5 years of marriage the wife got a divorce which drove him to a manic which got him arrested and he went through two years of mental health court. We supported him through out that process both financially and emotionally. But he never could beat the addiction to the cough medicine and had his charge only reduced not taken off which made it difficult to find jobs and of course when he found one he would eventually lose it due to manic episodes.
He has lived with us for the last 6 years. I applied for state assistance and after nine month of appeals and court hearings he received medical coverage from state Medicaid. SSDI (social security disability insurance) is a different matter. He has been denied two twice and we are waiting for a court hearing which is out 18 months. His car finally died which was a relieve to us because we were always in fear he would get in an accident and harm himself and others.
My biggest problem now is he isnt compliant about taking his medicine or following up on appointments with mental health. He doesnt like the Seroquel because that makes him hungry and he gains weight, he loves his clonopin and would eat that like candy if he could. So basically he goes to our local mental health department and gets two weeks of medicine in a bubble pack but he picks and chooses what he is going to take.
A couple of months ago I went with him to his therapist and he agreed he would place his medicine where we both could see it and I would hold on to the second bubble pack and give it to him on the second week. That agreement last maybe two days and the bubble pack was gone from the spot we agreed on. He did let me keep a hold of the second bubble pack which was actually a big improvement because he couldnt take all the clonopin at once and it was spread out a little more evenly.
Last week there was miscommunication between mental health and him on getting his medicine. At the time I was frustrated with both him and mental health. I felt like I had to follow up on every little thing and I just couldnt do it anymore. When I did get myself together he was in a full-blown manic and as I was trying to get him the help he needed he accidentally knocked me down and I ended up calling 911.
Now that he is sitting in jail, I dont really know what to do. A part of me tells me I have done everything humanly possible and leave it up to the system. The mental health department told me they will try to get him back into the mental health program but they no longer have his permission to discuss his case with me anymore. So I really dont know if they have follow up with that or not. The way the jail is set up I can only send him a postcard and visit him if he puts me on a visitation list after three days in jail. Of course I will send a postcard and let him know I still love him, I have put money on an account so he can call if he wants, I will also put money in an account for him to buy drinks etc., in jail, and I will visit him if he puts me on the list.
So my questions are. Why do I still feel like a failed him? What do you do when you feel like you cant live with the insanity anymore? What do I tell the ex-wife to tell his 9 and 7 year old girls? Do you think there is anything else out there that I can do for him?
Why do you feel like you failed him? Because of 'parent shaming'. In this culture when something goes wrong with a child people immediately point fingers at the parents (look what's happening with the zoo incident). I feel the same guilt with my daughter, for different reasons.
I think that you should be honest with his ex and his kids. They will all find out sooner or later and better to hear straight from you and accurate than 'through the grapevine".
My daughter with bipolar did have me on a document that allowed me to discuss her, perhaps he will sign a similar document.
Lastly, please find a counselor for yourself that can help you find out how much you should or should not help. It's hard to see when you are in the thick of it. I am doing the same thing.