Hello, it has been awhile since I have posted here.  So I have been "dating" my husband for about 8 months again now.  We have been separated for almost 3 years now.  Things were going really well actually, he is not on meds (self medicates), but has finally got his own apartment, working, and had been pretty responsible.  He also was calling and texting daily and making alot of effort to ensure our relationship was doing well.  He had even gone as far as to suggest we work towards living together again but did not want to do it immediately because he wanted to get his bills situated, get a car, and make sure he had a job lined up.  That was great because he would always before just want to move back in.  I thought that was a very big step forward on his part.  Also, we have discussed how he does not want to be on medications, which I think could be doable as long as he is seeing a therapist or phych so he has a plan when things are not going well with his moods.

About a month ago he got a new job with very long hours 6 days a week.  I told him to be careful because he tends to burn himself out mentally and physically, then things usually start to go downhill.  So after about a week or 2 with the new job, there would be days where I would not hear from him.  Then the hours of the job started affecting the amount of time we were spending together.  We have 2 kids that live with me and that was affecting the amount of time he spent with them also.  Then there were things that he was doing like getting mad at me for things that were not my fault and using that excuse for why he was not calling or coming over.  Lots of little things like that were happening more and more.  And I started to notice the withdrawing and non interest in things.  I also discovered he had lied to me about very stupid small things which he has not done in a very long time.  Finally, about 2 weeks ago, we had made plans for him to come over.  I got a text saying he would get ahold of me on his way home from work, and that was it.....

I have re-established a relationship with my sister in law, which I have not had for many years.  He would go to her house when he was not in a good place mentally.  He would lie to her and tell her we were fighting and not to answer the phone if I would call or things like that.  And no one wanted to actually believe that he was bipolar because as we all know they are very good at hiding it.  In the end I would argue with her to the point that we did not talk for many years.  That being said, after not hearing  from him for about a week, I had been talking to her on and off about up coming plans to get together and the things going on with him.  Then she told me she had to get off the phone because he was there and getting ready to leave.  After we hung up I had a total panic attack.  All the things in my head about how 8 months of good stuff going out the window and then with the "how long is this going to go on now".  Needless to say I tried to call her back during my panic and then I get no answer.  Soooo that made it worse and my head goes back to all the times I felt like they were conspiring against me and I was the crazy one.  I know this is not what was going on, but if anyone has had a panic attack, you know you can not talk yourself out of what your thinking at that point in time.  I kept trying to call her back to talk, and mainly needed someone to talk me down a little, and then was texting her things that I was meaning more about him, but she did not take them that way.  So basically now we are not talking again which is devastating to me.  

As far as him, aside from the withdrawing, he has gotten upset with me for various things that were unnecessary, stopped talking to me (aside from sending me a utube video text last week of a song about missing and loving someone ), has not contacted either one of the kids (our youngest text him on fathers day) and the last time he saw them he drove us to the airport for a vacation on June 10, and planning to come over and nothing since.  I know it is not us or me, and that this is all him and his bipolar but it is driving me nuts.  Part of me is like whatever, then the other part of me wants to call him and let him know that things are ok and I understand (as much as I can) what is going on and I support him.  Then there is the chance I could call and he could tell me that he is just not happy and its done.  Always up in the air with them.  Or maybe he is not contacting because he knows how much he upset me and does not want to deal with the situation. I am just unsure on what to do.  I am having a really hard time because of just how well thing had been progressing a few weeks ago.