Family & Friends of Bipolar Support Group

This community is dedicated to parents, siblings, grandparents, other relatives and friends of someone who is Bipolar. The purpose of this community is to help families and friends develop greater patience and understanding, as well as maintain a positive, caring relationships with those diagnosed as Bipolar.

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healing

sadiesmom3
sadiesmom3

i have never done anything to help me heal from having a bipolar mother. my habit is to usually shut her out and only talk to my dad who deals with codependency (they have been married for 29 years) 


my mother slept all the time when i was younger and was physically/verbally abusive to my sister, brother, and i. when i was 8 my sister who adores my mother tried to explain why "mommy has a hard time loving us" over all my brother and i are the only ones who want nothing to do with her. 


my mother has been to multiple therapists and doctors. she has multiple medications which her poorly trained nurse practitioner just gives her and she ends up selling them to neighbors for money anyway. she controls my dad by telling him if he does certain things she refuses to take the medications she ends up taking. 


her "good days" last no more than a week and her "bad days" last longer. everyone truly thinks it's more than just bipolar. her actions lead to being manipulative, gas lighting, narcissist personality traits, and kicking me out at 8,11,13, and 16. ever since i left the house at 16 years old i tried to create boundaries with her but over all i'm completely drained by having her in my life and i hope to soon find answers on how to cut her out of my life but still have contact with my dad. 


every neglectful thing she has done my father completely supports her and makes up stories to make her seem like a great person. by the end of the day he says


"she's still your mother" which is one of the most triggering phrases i have ever heard.

mlr0853
mlr0853
My heart goes out to you. Your Dad is right, your 'mother is your mother'...she gave birth to you. On the other side of the coin she is Not Your Mom Who Gave You What You Needed Growing Up Emotionally. She didn't have the ability or maybe not the knowledge....think about how she was brought up and her parents, and how she lived through all she has. I do understand somewhat of the pain your living with. I do understand somewhat of the anger you are living with. What I hope for you is to know, really hard concept is that your Mom and Dad are doing the best that they can. What I've learned, now 67, is that no one will give you what you want or need...that is something you'll need to find for yourself to find peace in your life. I finally found acceptance and forgiveness for my parents by doing what I suggested to you above. You obviously have a Very Strong Spirit and desire to live your life from such a young age....that determination came from what you'd lived from birth to 16 and what you've learned about life since as an adult. If you can find info on codependent behavior on line, seek out emotional detachment...meaning let go of any expectations this might help to not get caught up in the drama your mom creates. Try to let go of the compulsion to have your mom take her meds, do and live how you want her to, because you love your dad. So many years it took me to learn "you can't change anyone, or make anyone do something that you want them to do even if the 'it' would help them".... it was I finally learned the definition of insanity...doing the same thing over and over...trying to fix.... with the same outcome...nothing changed...The emotional letting go of any expectations, creating healthy boundaries of what you will accept or not accept to maintain your own health and sanity. I lived for so many years with such anger, resentment that I hurt people who cared about me, and I had problems where I worked....this was when I was in my 20's. I really don't think I began to change until my brother said 'I can't deal with your anger"...that was a huge wake up call for me. Yes, I've had lots of therapy. Yes, I have a son who I have hurt, but that I've done my best to raise him on my own as a single parent. He's 24 now, I had him at 43. The changes I made as a parent with him was to do my best to give him what I never felt. So my hope for you is that you will find the ability to move forward with your life and fill it with what you 'need' moving forward to find a happier life. (((hugs)))
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