Family & Friends of Bipolar Support Group

This community is dedicated to parents, siblings, grandparents, other relatives and friends of someone who is Bipolar. The purpose of this community is to help families and friends develop greater patience and understanding, as well as maintain a positive, caring relationships with those diagnosed as Bipolar.

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Dealing with my bipolar wife

Digital13
Digital13
So we have been married about 1 year and have a son who is about 1 and a half. My wife loves me but then says I make her life a living hell. I ask her is there anything I can do to help her and she says "i don't know" when she is feeling ok and when she is feeling bad, "to just die" She hates hospitals and would never go for any treatment because she sees it as a weakness. I am also schizophrenic but under control. I don't hear any voices but I get very paranoid and extremely stressed when she tells me I "am the worst thing that ever happened to her" I go to a psychiatrist for my condition but it's like walking a tight rope most days because if I ask the wrong question she explodes on me. I can't seem to calm her down and she just keeps saying that she wants someone else that treats her right. She repeatedly tells me to shut up. How do I help when what she wants is for me to leave her alone? Do I do what she says and leave her alone or ask her questions to help her and try to tell her I want to be there for her? Is there a book or something I can read to help me with her episodes?
Thanks!
Community Leaderacuriousfish
acuriousfish
hi, sounds tricky - especially when as you say you have your own serious challenges.

Can I just check - she has had a formal diagnosis? I think you are saying she's not taking meds?

I can understand it is difficult being told you are making her life hell and then being given no clue as to what it is you are supposed to be doing. Have you tried couples therapy?

There is a book "Loving someone with Bipolar" but that works from the premise the person acepts they need treatment and takes meds.

As an aside if she is consitently blaming you maybe it's not about her being bipolar? I'm sure you know with bipolar you will see three sets of behaviours, normal, manic and depressed. Depression can go on for a long time of course but as said if it's constant that attitude is not coming from bipolar.
Digital13
Digital13
She once told me when we were dating that she was diagnosed once and has been hospitalized twice before she knew me. I am all for couples therapy.
I understand how everyone seems to think we need couples therapy and it would definitely help. It's like one minute we are talking and I ask a question where I remember getting her something a couple months ago and she says no. I say I remember her saying she wanted it for a couple weeks before and we finally went to get it. She says no. So she starts saying I'm dumb and my memory sucks and I make her so angry. And she starts to blame me for things and calls me all kinds of things. So I say I'm sorry and she says she hates me. Now here's the kicker where everyone else would see it as couples therapy. I have my bank statement with the charge for it right around when I said it was.
Should I show her the bank statement and make her feel worse? Or do I just ignore it and make her think my memory sucks and I'm dumb and everything she said. This is what I need a book for. Thanks for listening!
Community Leaderacuriousfish
acuriousfish
ok, I understand what you are saying.

I'm not sure what to suggest - I have to say it doesn't sound good. I'm bipolar myself and it doesn't sound like anything I've come accross but then I'm a guy.

I wouldn't show her the statement - it maybe she is ultra defensive about her faulty memory but her calling you dumb and telling you she hates you seems a massive over reaction.

Are there times when she is ok with you? Has it got worse since your son was born?
deleted_user
deleted_user
Hi. I am the one who is bipolar and my husband has to deal with me. We are having trouble finding the right medicine and my husband said my dr did not have to live with the conquences. We recently went to a counseling session and he suggested the book When someone you love has bipolar. I think that is the name. I look through it and I want to read it too. I saw where it talked about triggers. I downloaded some on my nook that were like 99 cents, I don't know if this helps but thought I would throw it out.
fakeblonde
fakeblonde
I didn't see if you said she is being treated by a psychiatrist and taking any medications. If she's not, she should be immediately, if she is, it sounds like she needs her meds adjusted. You have to think of your baby and yourself, if you 2 aren't in a good place, you can't hope to help your wife. I know my husband never wants to hear anything from me, but if anyone else says the exact same thing, he'll listen to them. Perhaps having a friend or family member try to help her might take the focus off of you.
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