One thing to remember is that you are not stuck. None of us who are married to bi polar partners are stuck. We are making a choice. Do I stay or do I go? If I stay, how do I deal with this? If I go, how am I going to make it on my own with my child? Who is going to take care of my husband to make sure he doesn't completely self destruct? Neither choice is all that appealing, but it is a choice. I have stayed for 14 years. We have had some amazing moments that I will cherish and lock away in my heart forever. We have had some horrific moments, many more horrific moments than amazing. I love this man dearly and I have stood by him for so long. At first, I would be so angry at him. Years later, I am less angry and more numb. His unpredictability is so very predictable. Contradiction? Yes, but I am sure there are some out there that know what I am talking about. The thing I will tell you is to never lose your voice. Tell him how you feel about his irrational behavior. The key is finding the right time to be able to tell him. I know with my husband, there are moments of clarity in his mind where he is willing to listen and he is quite rational and able to recognize what he is doing. There are other times, especially in a rage where there is no point to discuss it. But don't lose your voice. If you can find a local help group then do it. Your husband is not the only one who needs help. You need a therapist or support group to help you locally. I am concerned for your safety and your child's safety if he is pulling emergency brakes on a car. That is where you have to draw the line. Mentally it is hard enough, but when your physical safety is at question, you need to act. I hope you go talk to a therapist in your area to try to help you figure things out. You cannot change or control his behavior. He has to choose that. You can only change yours.

I do see a therapist. If I didn't I would lose my mind! His family completely ignores his behavior & would rather just pretend it never happened in the first place, so I really have no one to talk to that will understand and empathize. I really just want so badly to hear someone say, "Wow...I'm so sorry you have to put up with that" rather than hear, "Oh, he did that? Hmm...." It's like no one gets it or cares and sometimes I start to think that it's somehow my fault...that I trigger him in some way. But then I come to my senses & realize that's not the case at all. Thanks for your reply!

I understand the family thing all too well. Along with the mental illness, my husband is also an alcoholic. He has been in and out of hospitals for his illness when he gets into deep depressions. After one such hospitalization, my mother and father in law took him out to his favorite bar and bought him pitcher after pitcher of beer. When my husband decided to get in his car and drive home, my mother in law called me upset and worried about him because he was driving. HELLO!!!!! He got out of the hospital that day. He is an alcoholic. You are buying his alcohol. You let him get in his car to drive. And you are going to call me? When I ripped her a new one for taking him to the bar she responded with "Give him a break. He just got out of the hospital and he is really stressed out." They just dont get it or they don't want to get it.

my husband is also bi polar, we only been married 6 months. Lately hes been having more manic episodes of bd then the usual, he is on medicine for his seizures that also supposed to be for his moods. after our last disagreement and his last manic episode i truly believe he needs therapy and maybe another medicine aside from his seizure/mood stabilizer. on a more positive note he said he was willing to go to therapy, but sometimes he just says things to avoid talking about it so we will see. I also have my share of issues and need to see a therapist. between living with his bipolar manic moments, and possibly having ptsd myself after a car accident years ago, and never being seen after, we are a mess and can be a bad combo together... after out last incident a few days ago i decided i have to find support or help from someone, so i found a bd group and this group also. someone suggested i get a book called loving someone with bipolar disorder, i couldn't find it at the library, so i checked out one called living with someone who is living with bipolar disorder, so far its a very informative book on it, i also intend to buy the book i am reading and the one they suggested so when times get hard i can read it. i also plan to buy him a book about ptsd to help understand me. i found some sites earlier that may be helpful to you because they were for me, i will share with you the links.

http://www.healthyplace.com/bipolar-disorder/bipolar-support/bipolar-spouse-coping-with-bipolar-husband-wife/

http://makinitwork.wordpress.com/about/

http://www.everydayhealth.com/bipolar-disorder/ten-tips-for-coping-with-a-bipolar-spouse.aspx

i hope these are somewhat helpful, and i know to a point how you feel, because i got me a bi polar husband also, if you ever need to talk or vent feel free to message me, if i find anymore helpful links i will pass it along :)

Thank you for sharing those links.

your very welcome, i just came across them searching around the net earlier. see mine just has really bad manic episodes, i am lucky he wont even finish one drink and he don't smoke or do any kind of drugs. when he has his really bad manic episodes he breaks things, he broke my $400 phone and my brand new laptop i used 2 times that was about $400 then gave me 100 and said heres for the computer :| the last time he broke his tv, his laptop, his phone, our wii. so maybe mine is addicted to breaking pricey stuff idk... i just hope we can figure out a way to stop the stuff smashing episodes! i can handle mood swings but not the breaking of things. i am glad i left my phone away from him that day! i am sorry that you guys have husbands with those addictions. my best friend is bi polar and she got addicted to vicodins, so i can relate in a sense i guess.

JShipley, you could have been KILLED that day! That is really something you should think about. Wow. I am so truly sorry that you are in this predicament. But just remember, your happiness and the happiness and safety of your son is just as important as anyone else's. You NEVER lose your right to have a choice.

Yes, thank you so much for the links! I'll look into them.

Songinmyheart: I know. I ignored him for about a month after that because I was so mad. And as those of us with bipolar loved ones know, you can't ever truly voice your opinion without it becoming something so much larger than it actually is. My situation is a sticky one. I'm a full time student, and I work part time at a retail store. I don't make enough to support myself yet, and I can't take a full-time job and not go to school or I'll have mounds of debt to start paying off. Right now, I'm just focusing on staying calm and working on providing myself with options. I have 18 months left until I get my BS, so I'm almost there! I just have to stay sane until then.

Just wanted to suggest looking up your local NAMI and DBSA groups. They are fantastic sources of information, have support groups for the bipolar person as well as the family members, and NAMI even has a 12 week course called Family-to-family. Wish I could be of more help, other than I know what you're going through, and as I'm coming upon my 4th wedding anniversary, I'm wondering if I'll end up spending it with a divorce attorney instead of celebrating it with my husband. 8 months of rage and mania, with a side of rage (did I say rage already?) Hang in there, keep you and your baby safe, #1 priority!

Thanks for the info, fakeblonde! I will definitely look into it. Every little bit helps & I'll check out any resource, no matter what it may be. I wish he were this committed to me! lol

I think it's sad that you have to endure this for 18 more months because of finances. It sounds like you are being held ransom. Anger/tantrums are a very destructive & effective way to control others but it is hurtful & unkind. In your case dangerous (you could have been seriously hurt when he pulled the stunt with the hand-brake). You deserve to feel safe & so does your little man. Personally, I chose to struggle financially without my ex-husband than struggle physically & emotionally with him. But I understand how hard it is to make that leap, especially with kids. Once I was safe & became happier the finances worked themselves out. I hope you find some peace soon, good luck to you.

Sorry I meant steering wheel not hand-brake.

Peace!

I do feel like I'm held hostage, and I hate it!!! I'm also dealing with a possible MS diagnosis on top of having to baby my husband 24/7. It gets overwhelming at times :(

Hi-you are too young to get trapped-you can get some assistance form some family and friends until you get you BS. If you have an apt-you are virtually free. You could end up like me after 21 years of this crap, 3 kids later, a house and cars that he neglects and beside pot, alcohol, spending sprees and god knows what else he thinks of the damndest nasty putdowns for me whenever I call into question his destructive behaviours. There is nothing that I do right. I have been dragged into situations that I never imagined myself in bc of his stupid impulsive behaviour. Bi-polar-if they own up fine, if not-let's let it be their own problem. It's hard-it is so hard and I too am sick of being the brunt of his illness.

Reading this all makes me so sad. All of you are all my same situation too. I kept having hope that one day it will click and he will stay on the meds or stay in therapy but it always goes back to the same. I'm 8 years in, 3 kids involved and it is them that suffer the most. For the first time it got pretty close to physical(he had me backed into a corner screaming at me to hit him) and it was in front of my son, not to mention the horrible things he said to him. Told him because of me he couldn't be his dad anymore, I ruined it for him, now he isn't his dad. It was the worst thing he has ever done and I don't think he could ever top that in my book. This was the final straw for me. I kept myself as calm as possible and just kept reminding my son his dad is sick right now and doesn't mean what he said and to just ignore any words he is saying right now. I didn't want to leave because I didn't want my son to think that it was true. The kids have had to hear him tell me a million times he is done and he is kicking me out so they know his words don't hold a lot of meaning but still scarring for my son non the less. Him and his dad are best friends. They do everything together and he loves and spoils his kids like crazy. The fact that he had the ability to hurt him like that made me realize there will never be a line he won't cross.
It's sad that we have to all go through this and it's sad that they have to deal with this illness but it is even sadder that they all have the ability to do more to help themselves and their families. There is tons of support out there. And if they aren't helping themselves it shouldn't be us and our kids who have to suffer the effects.
If I could go back to when my son was 2 and known it wasn't going to change ever, I'd left then. My son would've been better off then with the memories that will stick now.