Family & Friends of Bipolar Support Group
This community is dedicated to parents, siblings, grandparents, other relatives and friends of someone who is Bipolar. The purpose of this community is to help families and friends develop greater patience and understanding, as well as maintain a positive, caring relationships with those diagnosed as Bipolar.
My mum gets so annoyed at me because I try to monitor her moods and behaviours to see if she is going to have an episode. She has been having some warning signs and when I try to talk to her, or she thinks I have asked too many questions she gets annoyed at me. But Im only trying to help her and help myself too so there isn't an even bigger mess that I am expected to fix some how. I want to just throw my hands up and say I quit. And several people have told me that I should just let her do what she wants, not worry she is an adult etc.
But the reason I can't just let her go, is because I know when she gets sick she isn't in control if her actions. It's like saying that a 2 year old is responsible for their own life. And I am NOT meaning that a person with mental illness is like a child, I just mean they can't be expected to look after themselves completely. And these are words form the psychologist I saw for the first time the other day. Which confirms my own feeling on the subjects
So heaps of people have said to me let her go it's her choice...but it's not, not really when she gets sick...but she doesn't want my help until it's got that bad I can't stand to be near her and even then doesnt want the help, just expects it. And I just don't want to do any of this anymore.
So I just don't know what to believe. I can tell you I WANT to believe, that it's not my responsibly, that its not my fault if things get worse.
But the reason I can't just let her go, is because I know when she gets sick she isn't in control if her actions. It's like saying that a 2 year old is responsible for their own life. And I am NOT meaning that a person with mental illness is like a child, I just mean they can't be expected to look after themselves completely. And these are words form the psychologist I saw for the first time the other day. Which confirms my own feeling on the subjects
So heaps of people have said to me let her go it's her choice...but it's not, not really when she gets sick...but she doesn't want my help until it's got that bad I can't stand to be near her and even then doesnt want the help, just expects it. And I just don't want to do any of this anymore.
So I just don't know what to believe. I can tell you I WANT to believe, that it's not my responsibly, that its not my fault if things get worse.
I echo your feeling of your loved one having child-like behaviors and needs. I am at the end of my rope with my husband, who is so disengaged with everything right now. I sometimes feel like I am a single mother to our children and him.
How often does your mother "get sick" as you call it? If this happens all the time, you may, during a time of peace, explain to her your levels of willingness and ability to help her. Explain that when ___ behavior happens, I will do ____. I think you are very wise to seek help from a professional.
Part of what I am struggling with right now is that I'm not taking very good care of myself. I imagine that when I find the time and strength to self-care more effectively, I will be much better able to deal with my husband's mental health. I am very busy with work, taking care of our children, taking care of all of our family business (bills, insurance, etc.), as well as continuing my education so that I can have a better job since I am the financial backer to my family.
So... I don't know if that helps, but it's what I'm going through. Best wishes to you.
U've prolly already done this, but, if not, maybe u can ask her what she wants u to do, how to handle it.
Obviously, it would be best to ask something like this when she's stable. If you have some agreements it may help...but maybe not.
I can't talk to mum even when stable about that stuff becasue she won't listen, won't talk about it and just gets mad. I always feel like the bad guy.
I just feel so depressed and scared and sick and worried all the time.
Pretty sure she is having another "epiode' yet again. And on her birthday no less.
I'm just doing my best to get through. It just never ends
I hope you will continue to work on being a separate and healthy person. You are not responsible for her illness, nor are you responsible for her care. You are, however, responsible for your own. Perhaps the greatest gift you can give to your mother is the health and happiness of her child - you.
Love and Hugs, Martha