Family & Friends of Bipolar Support Group
This community is dedicated to parents, siblings, grandparents, other relatives and friends of someone who is Bipolar. The purpose of this community is to help families and friends develop greater patience and understanding, as well as maintain a positive, caring relationships with those diagnosed as Bipolar.
I am trying really hard to understand this illness. I have been with my BF for over 4 years and even though he has been diagnosed bipolar I have a difficult time accepting that this is his propblem. He is also an alcoholic suffering from liver disease and he has had multiple incarcerations for DWI. He has had a tough life for someone as young as him, he is on only 38. He has a son from a previous relationship that is 11 and he has a family who is pretty supportive financially, however they too have a difficult time accepting the diagnosis. We tend to lean towards believing he is just lazy and uses this disease as an excuse to feel sorry for himself. FOr the most part he is active and does well however he has his moments where he will simply give up and go off on a binge with his friends. He doesnt drink everyday however I feel that his irrationality stems from his drinking. Anyway, what has led me to post on this site is that this past weekend he slipped into this depressive state that he claims happpens more often than I realize. You see, I dont live with him so I dont know if this is true. Anyway, all he wanted to do was sleep on the sofa all day. He didnt want to shave or eat or shower durign the day. He also did not want to tend to his responsibility of doing his AA"s or seeing his PO. He just did not want to do anything. The one thing however he was willing to do was have sex. I found that to be strange. How can you have energy for that but not for anything else. He was rather emotional through the whole thing though. He cried several times during the weekend, mostly about losing me and losing his family and apologizeing for being him. I failed to also add that he has psoriasis and this weekend he was severly broken out and he said that he was embarrassed to be out looking that way. I can understand his embarrassment about that however I cannot seem to accept the depression. I tried to talk to him nicely but eventually I get frustrated and demand him to just get up and stop being using his illness as a crutch. He said to me that I do not understand how he feels and that by me nagging him it only frustrates him further and adds more to his plate. This is why I am here. Please help me understand what I need to do here. He is on medication , Seroquil, however he takes it when he wants to. He sees a psychiatrist once every 2-3 months and he is also on parole for 2 more years. His parole sentence is really adding to his stress as well and the fact that he cant seem to find a job is also weighing him down. I really do love him and I want to be a better person however i cant understand what is soo difficult. I tell him he has a choice on how he chooses to live his life. He can lay on the sofa and feel sorry for himself or he can get up and fight. I will help him with whatever I can however I feel like if I accept Bipolar as a problem then I will only enable him further to believe he is sick. Please advise and I hope I have not offended anyone who suffers from this disease. I just want to know how I can help!
Posted on 10/11/10, 10:11 am
Posted on 10/11/10, 10:11 am
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I find myself going places in the car and not wanting to get out of the car. I come back home and I don't want to get out of the car. I think it's the only time I spend reflecting. Chronic tiredness from Long Covid plus the immunosupressing meds for my Crohn's is slowing me down but everything just seems a massive effort. I am dealing with the paperwork following my father's death but it's not...
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Wow, it's the middle of the week already!Today is our 11 year anniversary, so we're going out to a nice dinner. I'm losing a lot of sleep these days, hence a wonky schedule and uncomfortable feelings. But I know it will pass, eventually.I hope all of you have a peaceful day, and may good things come your way!
Is he taking meds?
It is soooo hard, and it is physically, mentally and emotionally exhausting to help care for a BP SO when things are out of whack. I get very depressed myself at times, but when I look back at how bad things used to be, I can appreciate the progress that we made.
I am having a not-so-good day with my husband right now, but when I look back at how things used to be, I can only hope for even better days ahead. He has AMAZED me with his own progress (personal and in our relationship).
Accepting BP as a problem is one thing UNDERSTANDING it is another. In order to help your bf you need to do both. It is not enabling laziness. Once you come to terms with what it is, you will be able to help him get a grip on things. The best thing you can do is show him your support, and try not to discuss things he does when he is manic WHILE he is manic...doesn't help. Try to sit down and regroup when he is calmed down. Try and discuss how he can prevent whatever bad decisions in the future, and how you will support him in that. For example, if you don't want him to drink, don't take him to a bar or keep alcohol in the house.
I am not a pro, but my hubby and I have come a long way with his BP, and I know it helps to have someone who loves you VERY much by your side. I wouldn't advise anything I haven't tried and lived through. I hope my post helps you. I also hope I didn't ramble too much. Not used to making such long posts.
Take care!
"He just did not want to do anything. The one thing however he was willing to do was have sex. I found that to be strange. How can you have energy for that but not for anything else. He was rather emotional through the whole thing though. He cried several times during the weekend, mostly about losing me and losing his family and apologizing for being him."
I would just like to say that this sentence is beyond true for me too. I didn't get it at first but I guess since sex has such endorphins and gets people happy and hyper, this is probably a way he gets his stress out and makes up for being "lazy" or not being a better boyfriend.
Luckily my boyfriend is out of jail and has been for a while now but I know exactly what you're going through. To add on to that I also have bipolar and depression. Some may say we don't have a "healthy, stable, relationship" whatever that means, but we just have to work through it because we truly love each other and there are sacrifices that you have to take if you really love him. That is what I have to do, Yeah, I get a little mad sometimes at him, but in a way, he can't help his actions. One minute he's happy and he can break just like that.
My advice to you is that if you really love him and you really care about him, put on a smile and tell him that everything is fine. He might not be the best boyfriend in the world but with his condition, he seems like he feels bad and he's trying, just like my boyfriend is. I'm sorry if this didn't help at all.