Just venting here no need to reply to this, I'm sure some feel the same way but regardless of how tough the situation is, we want to help our bipolar loved ones. We (caretakers) need to get away sometimes to throw off some of the weight incurred by this devastating illness and keep going :)

I feel exactly like you now! And I feel I should just let him destroy everything we have achieved and go away...but then I wake up in the morning and he's not there and I miss him like hell. And plus I know that he is struggling lot more than I do (he writes me every now and then asking me again if I cheated on him but no matter how clear I tell him I didn't he won't listen.... and then he texts again...) and I want to be there for him just to hold him in my arms so he feels loved, but he thinks that I have cheated on him and I can't even go close to him...
I think in my boyfriend's case it's the opposite: he works a lot and he tries to work even more to have money (not to spend recklessly but to do things together and enjoy), but for me money is not important, his health is!
And yes....I kind of ask myself the same question: why did I fall inlove with him? Why does the love of my life have to be bipolar?....Then I remember I just love him and that's it!

Oh Mara I'm so sad that I posted this, it was in the midst of the bipolar storm. Those terrifying episodes when he just doesn't care and leaves who knows where are the most intense things I have ever experienced in my life. We live under intense emotions for as long as the episodes last and it's not easy to contain the simmering pot of different emotions, all very strong. Sadness, pain, loneliness, aching heart, hope, caring, love, patience, impatience, anger geez I could go on.
I'm so glad he does things with you and works extra hard for that, that is so sweet of him in spite of the episode.
I have learned that it's ok to feel that way, to question things but what matters is how does one feel when the illness is not present?
As long as the episode is present we have to hold back on doing things. That's how unfair the illness is, it's just not possible to have a normal life once the episodes show up. That's why it's important to keep the illness at bay by treating it :)
You're a very insightful person Mara, I'm so glad you're here and that we can be of help. Yes we gotta remember that we love them, without the illness it would be so much better :)

have you wonderful ladies tried getting him on a medication regimen? It would be such a great gift if you could do that for him. Sometimes men will accept encouragement and guidance from no one else in their lives except the woman they love.

very best,
--EJ

Thank you Epicjourney. I want to tell you that your advice was a great factor in getting my fiance the help he needed. You pointed me in the right direction and I will always be thankful for that.

Mustgoon, it is my pleasure if I could have helped in any small way. I always read your posts with interests and have learned alot from your discussions as well. I am glad we are able to share together on this site.

The thing is that while there are basic threads that run through all of our stories and experiences, no two cases are exactly the same. That is why it helps to share and to give each other various perspectives.

Thank you for your patience and intelligence on these matters. I wish you all the luck going forward and hope that you and family have a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

hugs,
--EJ

Well, as he says in his moments of reason (now being in a bipolar episode) I know more about the disease than he does. And yes, his on a treatment, takes his pills but he doesn't have a psychologist anymore which was miraculous for our relationship. And I think only God (cause aside you guys no one really understands) knows that I'd do anything for him to be ok, but now he thinks that my only purpose is to hurt him.

I feel a bit lost myself and hopeless...

Thank you Epicjourney I also enjoy immensely reading your posts and take in your knowledge and your stance on dealing with a bp loved one.
It's great to share our experiences because someone could relate or as you've mentioned, give various perspectives that can truly help.
You have helped me think differently and have a supporting and firm attitude about dealing with my bp loved one.
I will continue learning and sharing and I'm truly happy to be here on this site with people like you, Acuriousfish and other members that help tremendously.
I wish you all the best as well and I hope next year is filled with lots of good health and positive things!