For so many years I have dealt with this man. I got stronger and I learned how to deal with all his mean and hateful ways he deals with life. I spent 15 years trying to help him cope, as maybe a councilor would ... Mind you I am no professional. But I cared for him for all those years, I gave him compassion for the way he was treated as a child, as an adult by his horrible parents. And yes, broken and at the end of any frazzled rope I had left (after being lied to, cheated on, vocally and mentally abused..not to mention being left all on my own to keep our child alive during the scariest medical scare of our sons life) I left him, I divorced him. I took nothing but my freedom and my clothes and children.
And I still am subject of his daily abuse. I can't do it anymore. I know it's lies.... I know who I am, a strong educated smart women who is worthy of the successes and unconditional love I have now. But it's so hard to enjoy it when he is always there trying to drag me down into his unhappy mentally dark and scary hole. BP should not be used as a reason to be a horrible person to those who truly tried. I left because he wasn't willing. Not because I hated him, or anything else mean. I left because I couldn't breathe, for the safety of my children. To see them smile because they felt happy.
I pray some day he can be at peace with his mental state.
I pray for myself to know its the disease not the person
But praying everyday and every night doesn't seem to help.
I'm tired. My children are tired. My heart hurt