Family & Friends of Bipolar Support Group
This community is dedicated to parents, siblings, grandparents, other relatives and friends of someone who is Bipolar. The purpose of this community is to help families and friends develop greater patience and understanding, as well as maintain a positive, caring relationships with those diagnosed as Bipolar.
Well my saga continues. My husband continues to berate me and put me down. He tells me that I should just let him vent and then it would be over. I can't even write the words he calls me because I would be thrown off the site for such language. I was up all night thinking that I need to tell him its over and as he puts it stop stringing him along. In his mind if I want to stay married to him, I need to just take it because he is crazy and can't help himself on how he treats me. Yesterday when he sent me a email that just belittled me, I send him an email back saying I don't deserve this, and he called me up and was screaming at me that he was going to come to my job and let my boss know exactly what type of person I am. He never showed, but later told me he has no problem coming down and saying whatever he wants to whom ever he wants to. When he finally went to the bedroom, I just stayed away. I guess to him I am just not supportive because I don't let him vent. In the last six years he has become so verbally abusive to me that it has just crushed my spirit. He was always moody and had anger, but he never treated me the way he does now. It has just gotten so bad that I have had it. I will stay away from him. I have a good job so I can take care of myself. I can get an apartment, but my big concern is, I can't afford the house on my own. If I leave he can't afford the house on his own and he would let it go into foreclosure. I have a son in college that he currently has been doing the parent plus loan for, but I am sure that I would be able to if the house does not go into foreclosure. Does anyone know about parent plus loans? I know normally you don't get approved if there is a foreclosure but would they make an exception if there is a divorce involved and you have a good job. Any advise is greatly appreciated. Thank you.
I'm really sorry to hear about what's happening to you. So much of this sounds just like what I had to deal with when my wife was at her lowest point in 2011. Getting called up at work and being screamed at for no reason, the horrible emails, I've been through all of that and I know how extremely difficult this is. My wife once emailed me at work with a list of websites where she had found easy ways to kill herself, so I know what this type of thing must be like for you.
I don't know a whole lot about student loans (aside from still paying them off myself), but I do know that you can transfer your interest in the house's mortgage to him if he still wants to live there. That's actually a valuable bargaining chip that you have for anything you want for yourself, because he would be forced to move if he doesn't let you relinquish your share. What I mean by that is that if there is something else of value that you want from the split, he can lose his home if he doesn't give it to you. It's actually a huge asset for you to have an interest in the house. I'm not a lawyer though, and you should definitely talk to one. My father is a lawyer who used to work in divorce court, and I also saw my in-laws go through an entire divorce, so my advice to you is based on what I've learned from that.
The most important thing to know is that you will get through all of this. You have a job where you can support yourself, and that puts you way ahead right there. Imagine if you didn't have that? So my advice to you is to capitalize on what you have: 1) your own income, 2) you can make him loose the house if you want to, and 3) you have the brains and the strength to do what is right for you.
I really wish you the best of luck with this whole situation, and I'm sure it will turn out the best for you.
I don't know if your husband is medicated, or if you feel like you would want to continue trying to help him or not. He clearly needs medication and therapy, and you could benefit from talking to someone as well. I read Dr. Phil's new book, and he addresses people that treat us badly. I get that our husbands are very mentally ill, but it is then their responsibility to get the care they need to be able to carry on an appropriate relationship with the women they claim to love. I will continue to offer my husband opportunities to get help, but that's about all I can do for him.
I wish you luck, and know you aren't the only one!