Family & Friends of Bipolar Support Group

This community is dedicated to parents, siblings, grandparents, other relatives and friends of someone who is Bipolar. The purpose of this community is to help families and friends develop greater patience and understanding, as well as maintain a positive, caring relationships with those diagnosed as Bipolar.

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/ Family & Friends of Bipolar Support Group

What do I do???

LulaMae
LulaMae
I haven't been on this site for a long time but it was a great help to me when I was going through some tough times.
I split with my bipolar boyfriend 2 yrs ago, I was totally in love him but he was going though a serious depression at the time and couldn't cope with being in a relationship.
We have always stayed friends and a couple of months ago he surprisingly asked me on a date, I turned him down because I was dating someone at the time. It didn't work out with the guy I was dating partly because my mind had been turned by my ex, but since then I have let me ex know I am single but he hasn't asked me out again.
He keeps getting in touch by text and facebook but I don't know what to do about it, he hurt me so much, and I am scared to actually ask him out again because of the rejection I felt after our relationship had ended, he put me through so much pain but I never stopped loving him.
My friend is also a good friend of his and thinks if she just got us together somewhere that we could work things out, but it has been so long and I'm scared that I will be hurt again.
I think he is also feeling rejected now because I turned him down so he doesn't want to ask me again either, but it is obvious that we both still care. What can I do? I am going out of my mind!
Community Leaderacuriousfish
acuriousfish
very brief answer..

BP is episodic. Unless there was a unique cause for his depression there is the potential it will happen again...and he will deal with it the same way.

UNLESS..he was not medicated then and now is..also if he was drinking and stopped now.
LulaMae
LulaMae
He was always on and off his meds, I've read that it's a symptom of bipolar that the person thinks they are well or can heal themselves so stop taking the meds, he was always doing that.
Think he still drinks a lot aswell, one of his closest friends owns a couple of bars so that really doesn't help.
It's sad because we have always been close and I can't see myself in a relationship with anyone else, but I feel if we got back together we would treat me the same way, and if I lost him again it would be hard to stay friends a second time. Just wish he hadn't opened up all of these feelings again, feel so sad.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I feel for you. I am glad I found this site today. I can't give much advice because I am currently strugging with a very simular issue but I can tell you that you are not alone. I love my husband but he can be a lot of work. I am trying to focus on his positives but that is because we have three small children and I kindof HAVE to right now. I can tell you (today...and this might change tomorrow) that had I known prior to marrying him that he had bi-polar disorder I would have really done some things differently. Would I have still married him? Most likely...but having three children close in age...maybe not. My husband really would do better if our house was less chaotic. I would have really established better boundaries with him early on as well. I have become a bit co-dependent. Be self aware of that and don't own his diagnosis. I believe it is do-able to be happily married to a bi-polar spouse but I am still trying to figure out how ;) I am not sure if any of that helps????
Community Leaderacuriousfish
acuriousfish
I would make it part of the deal if you get together he stops drinking and stays on the meds..when the meds don't quite work the deal is he should get it sorted.

kinda brutal but I can't help thinking the pattern will repeat.
LulaMae
LulaMae
Thankyou, and yes it always helps to speak to people who understand. I can only imagine how difficult it is to be in a marriage to a bipolar man and looking after children aswell, we lived together for a while when he had to move out of his flat, it was difficult, I always tried to understand and be supportive but even when he was feeling well I was always looking out for the signs of the next episode, watching him pacing the house in the night, the hyper moods, the silent moods, and the arguementative times, and the times when he would just hide away from the world including me. And yes 'acuriousfish' I feel the pattern will repeat aswell, just a shame I care so much, but only time will tell I guess.
Community Leaderacuriousfish
acuriousfish
well as I am a bipolar man myself I'd have to say it depends on the person, depends on the severity of bipolar and on them being on medication and not drinking/taking drugs.
LulaMae
LulaMae
He always seemed to be in a constant cycle, I guess because he was always on and off his meds, always said he didn't like the way he felt when he was on them. He is a very talented photographer and loves music and songwriting too, he always said that the meds stopped his creativity and his emotions, just kind of kept him at one level. Even though he hates the lows he actually admitted that he sometimes likes the highs because that is when he is the most creative.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Hi Lula,

I also have a very creative girlfriend with bipolar. She also says that the meds restrain her creatively but I think it has more to do with her moods. When she is manic she is at her most creative but when she is down she loses her passion(natural for BP). I always say to her that keeping up with the meds will always pay off in the long run...I also say to her that creativity is a talent and that she will never lose that talent but sometimes it just hides away for awhile. In my case I think she needs to know that the lack of creativity is temporary and it will always come back.

As for your relationship, I'd say take the first step and ask him out...sure you know his background and you guys have a history but it seems as though you really care about him. I was in the same boat as you and I made the decision to be fully committed in the good and bad times and once you change your mindset like that it will change your relationship. But a agree with curiousfish you need to lay down the ground rules and sticking to a treatment plan has to be one of them. If he doesn't its not fair on you or those people around him. Good luck and keep your chin up....we are all soldiers here!!

Si
Community Leaderacuriousfish
acuriousfish
I also argue against the meds = no creativity idea.

I'm a hobby musician who has done a fair amount of recording. depressions means I do nothing, hypomania means ideas but it doesn't quite fit together and nothing coherent gets done.

When I am in the middle it works and I have a reasonably high output compared to most people I know.

if someone is feeling flat, to me that is an indication of mild depression or over/unsuitable medication not stability.
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