Good luck West and congrats on your convictions. I'm sure he appreciates you!

Enjoy your visit tomorrow, even though it will be your last visit, you will still be in contact with him. I'm sure he appreciates you.

Wow. This has all been very tough, but you have made good choices guided by respect for yourself and others. You deserve to feel good about how this has turned out for you despite the horror of the situation.

Thanks Free, Thought, and Peek! The visit went well....as much as it could. Was great to see him and his parents. Knowing my time here is short i told him i could see him before i move. He says i hope a couple of times. So now i am committed to see him at least twice.

Just need some advice here.

So being my second time visiting him in prison, with the first time giving him the news that my daughter has moved on, it still felt uncomfortable.

Does anyone have suggestions on how to make it comfortable to visit in prison or is this just the way it is?

I dont like the institutional feel. Dont like the glares from the prison guards. Dont like sitting in plastic chairs with a table between us thats only a foot and a half high.

It just seems surreal. I go in with my baggie of quarters for vending machines. I sit across from him and make do conversation. So many rules and regulations. So sad to see him in green.

So our conversation feels really fake. Dont want to upset him. Dont want to worry him. Its like...

I know this isnt about me. I just have to suck it up. I know he really enjoys these visits.

So how can i make these visits better?

Oh.....and then he wants to take those prison pix of us. I dont want to remember him in this photo. I want to remember him as the sweet and caring person he is. But he wanted the pix so we did.

Why does it have to hurt so bad?

Try to think of it as a theater performance. There are sets and props that have been set up for the background of a story. There are actors who have scripts to read and there are marks on the floor to show where everyone can stand or sit or move around. You and the young man are the only real people in the show, everything else is artificial, they just don't know it. When you leave, the remaining play time runs v-e-r-y slowly and the others are just waiting for their exit lines. When the time comes for the young man to leave, he will exit the stage, change out of his costume, and leave the theater. The people and the props and the stage markings left behind have no life, no heart. The story ends.

I know that sounds silly, but maybe if you can look at it as something that's not actually real, it won't hurt so much.

The uncomfortable feeling you have may just be the way it is. You may feel this as you know that his relationship with your daughter is over, and the one thing that brought you two together was her.

You maybe avoiding bringing up your daughter, and he may be avoid out as well to avoid more hurt or feeling uncomfortable.

It hurts because you miss him, and he was taken away. It gets easier to deal with that hurt, but it still hurts. It always hurts when I have to say goodbye, knowing how long it will be before I can visit again....

If you are visiting where I think you are visiting, those tables and chairs suck compared to other places I had to visit my husband. The guards there too, were just 'not nice'...

If it were me, I probably would just address the elephant in the room directly, to try to dispose of that uncomfortable feeling. You or he might be worried about what that kind of thing will mean for your relationship in general. People drift and I can tell you that there are people in there that told him that his girl would leave him, that came true. They will tell him that you will leave eventually too, so there is going to be a lot of fear that really only time will cure. If you promise to write, then make sure you do, there is enough disappointment in there. Inmates know that we have lives out side, those that have respect for that might get frustrated but will understand... Then there are those that have 3 girlfriends that all visit and send money... he is also probably getting tormented a bit in there with the "chomo' shit and other names.... it is like grade school in some ways, but more vicious.

As for that environment, try to tune out all those around you, I am a people watcher, they hate people watchers.. I would have to just stare at my husband or stare at my hands to prevent myself from getting in to trouble. I learned to just tune out the world, people could be sitting 2 feet from us and I could tune them out completely.

In the end, I would talk about your daughter as much as he feels like, tune out the room your in and relish in the astronomical prices of the vending machine items and interesting variety (I still wonder who picks that crap?!?) If he says he doesn't want to talk about her anymore, but look forward, ask him if he has looked in to any of the classes that might be offered at the place he'll end up... What are his options for treatment if required... things like that... planning forward thinking things... If he is required to take the treatment, tell him to do it now, while inside... mainly so he will be able to complete it and then shouldn't be subjected to more of it when he gets out.