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Sorry all... my apologies for not getting back to you.
Whether they are right or wrong reasons I still have decided not to tell her yet. (One reason coming up shortly)
The date? Went phenomenally well. I rented a car (2014 White Toyota Avalon nice car!). Picked her up and gave her a single dressed up red rose at her apartment, and because it was a rental car and I wasn't used to it it was beeping at me because I didn't put the car into "Park"..lol (thought I had....embarrassing moment #1) took her to dinner when I actually found the right place. Turns out there was another restaurant with the word "BIstro" on the end. (embarrassing moment #2) Dinner was exquisite. I didn't feel that any part of the dinner was uncomfy conversations wise. We left to go to a Jazz concert. I forgot the 1/2 dozen roses that originally were there for her at the table when we first arrived at the restaurant and the sever staff had to rush behind us (thankfully we were still inside the restaurant) to catch up. (embarrassing moment #3). We had a great time at the Jazz concert and because she reached out to hold my hand on the way out of the restaurant but was interrupted by the flower incident, I decided to take a chance and offer my hand while we were enjoying the concert. She reciprocated.
Because she hired a sitter, I then took her home. On the way, because it's been many many years since I had been to that area and it was night to my defense, I ended up driving on the wrong side of the street because I thought it was a one-way street. Thankfully there was no traffic around for blocks. (embarrassing moment #4... I think that's the last of those) I was able to correct my error without incident.
On the way to her apartment I said that I had a lovely evening with her and was wondering if she would like to join me for a 2nd date to the Harlem Globetrotters. She said yes.
Finally comes the end of the evening and I tipped the sitter some extra money (because without her we wouldn't have had an evening) We talked outside with the door closed to her apartment and we exchanged the big hug that she had been waiting for. On the second hug I did feel comfortable giving her a slight peck on the cheek as we embraced for one more time and I drove off for the 3 or so hour drive home that evening.
We have still kept in communication and was planning the date for the Harlem Globetrotters. She even discussed with me coming up for a weekend (I was relieved that she said she was going to pay for a hotel) in the beginning of April.
Things deteriorated quickly and a s#$!storm happened as we were planning the Harlem Globetrotters date. There was some miscommunication about her thinking that I went behind her back to hire a sitter when she hadn't heard from the sitter that she had been in contact with. That was further from the truth and things blew up exponentially like a nuclear weapon went off. She also thought I gave away the tickets that I did have for us. I had two sets. One for the show that I had gotten for free through my work in my town, and tickets for her end of town because she couldn't make it up to my neck of the woods.
So just as quickly as it started it ended (I deleted all of her texts at that time because i was hurt and mad) and then she sent an email a little later apologizing for getting upset but wasn't apologizing for what she said etc. I exchanged an e-mail back trying to explain to her that there was some miscommunications on both of our parts and that she was assuming my intentions as well. I thoroughly explained to her that I did not have a lot of experience with dating someone with kids and don't know a lot of the do's and dont's.
I made the decision that I was going to tell her at the end of our second date originally when I take her home and sit in the parking lot for a minute or have coffee after the game. Reasons being, I wanted her to get to know me for me... not have stupid stuff swirling in her head during a date. 1st dates are nerve wracking anyway. There is no need for further complications...lol.
I sent a hopeful e-mail to her this morning, after she I "think" sent me an open-ended email after my response to her yesterday, fully explaining myself and my original and truthful intentions.
I guess we will see if the 2nd date even happens. I have still yet to hear from my email response this morning.
==============================================
Update 03-03
Well... after giving her some space she emailed me on Sunday and just simply said, "I hope that you had a good Sunday."
I kept it short and said, "Hi :0) Thank you so much I did have a pretty good day today. Been thinkin' bout ya a lot today. I just got off of work and I'm on my way to church... How was your day? I hope it was awesome?"
Over the next couple of days the conversations have been over text and fairly short... No "sweeite"... no "sweetheart".... no "hun" or "hunny" on my end. She also hasn't offered anything on her end like that. No Android emoticons. I am keeping it simple which I think is good until I can gauge what is happening in her head.
Just yesterday she finally showed some kind of emotion in text by saying, "Done with work for today yayy!!."
I still have tickets to the Harlem Globetrotters and plan on taking her to a mid to late breakfast before the pre-show at 12:30p. Upon advice from a female christian co-worker that I emphatically trust with advice... she said that it would be okay to today broach the subject with her but with the caveat that I need to be prepared if we don't go (I would be out about $180.00...yikes!) that it would be okay too.
So with that i am going to text her this morning in responding to her comment in having fun with co-workers at Subway (we just ended up taking food back because a co-worker wanted to be proactive in his job) and then broach the subject for the possible date on Sunday.
Because this all happened I am pushing back the time that I tell her of my registration status a couple of weeks. If the date goes well on Sunday if even we go I am going to try and plan on making another trip to see her and maybe just have lunch, coffee or something and then that's when I will tell her of my situation. I guess my reasoning for pushing this back is because we just got off on the wrong foot by accident and I am not sure if we will even be an item or not.... sooo whether right or wrong... lol.. I dunno what do you guys think?
Thank you all for letting me bend your ear, and suggestions are always welcome.
InHisSteps
Whether they are right or wrong reasons I still have decided not to tell her yet. (One reason coming up shortly)
The date? Went phenomenally well. I rented a car (2014 White Toyota Avalon nice car!). Picked her up and gave her a single dressed up red rose at her apartment, and because it was a rental car and I wasn't used to it it was beeping at me because I didn't put the car into "Park"..lol (thought I had....embarrassing moment #1) took her to dinner when I actually found the right place. Turns out there was another restaurant with the word "BIstro" on the end. (embarrassing moment #2) Dinner was exquisite. I didn't feel that any part of the dinner was uncomfy conversations wise. We left to go to a Jazz concert. I forgot the 1/2 dozen roses that originally were there for her at the table when we first arrived at the restaurant and the sever staff had to rush behind us (thankfully we were still inside the restaurant) to catch up. (embarrassing moment #3). We had a great time at the Jazz concert and because she reached out to hold my hand on the way out of the restaurant but was interrupted by the flower incident, I decided to take a chance and offer my hand while we were enjoying the concert. She reciprocated.
Because she hired a sitter, I then took her home. On the way, because it's been many many years since I had been to that area and it was night to my defense, I ended up driving on the wrong side of the street because I thought it was a one-way street. Thankfully there was no traffic around for blocks. (embarrassing moment #4... I think that's the last of those) I was able to correct my error without incident.
On the way to her apartment I said that I had a lovely evening with her and was wondering if she would like to join me for a 2nd date to the Harlem Globetrotters. She said yes.
Finally comes the end of the evening and I tipped the sitter some extra money (because without her we wouldn't have had an evening) We talked outside with the door closed to her apartment and we exchanged the big hug that she had been waiting for. On the second hug I did feel comfortable giving her a slight peck on the cheek as we embraced for one more time and I drove off for the 3 or so hour drive home that evening.
We have still kept in communication and was planning the date for the Harlem Globetrotters. She even discussed with me coming up for a weekend (I was relieved that she said she was going to pay for a hotel) in the beginning of April.
Things deteriorated quickly and a s#$!storm happened as we were planning the Harlem Globetrotters date. There was some miscommunication about her thinking that I went behind her back to hire a sitter when she hadn't heard from the sitter that she had been in contact with. That was further from the truth and things blew up exponentially like a nuclear weapon went off. She also thought I gave away the tickets that I did have for us. I had two sets. One for the show that I had gotten for free through my work in my town, and tickets for her end of town because she couldn't make it up to my neck of the woods.
So just as quickly as it started it ended (I deleted all of her texts at that time because i was hurt and mad) and then she sent an email a little later apologizing for getting upset but wasn't apologizing for what she said etc. I exchanged an e-mail back trying to explain to her that there was some miscommunications on both of our parts and that she was assuming my intentions as well. I thoroughly explained to her that I did not have a lot of experience with dating someone with kids and don't know a lot of the do's and dont's.
I made the decision that I was going to tell her at the end of our second date originally when I take her home and sit in the parking lot for a minute or have coffee after the game. Reasons being, I wanted her to get to know me for me... not have stupid stuff swirling in her head during a date. 1st dates are nerve wracking anyway. There is no need for further complications...lol.
I sent a hopeful e-mail to her this morning, after she I "think" sent me an open-ended email after my response to her yesterday, fully explaining myself and my original and truthful intentions.
I guess we will see if the 2nd date even happens. I have still yet to hear from my email response this morning.
==============================================
Update 03-03
Well... after giving her some space she emailed me on Sunday and just simply said, "I hope that you had a good Sunday."
I kept it short and said, "Hi :0) Thank you so much I did have a pretty good day today. Been thinkin' bout ya a lot today. I just got off of work and I'm on my way to church... How was your day? I hope it was awesome?"
Over the next couple of days the conversations have been over text and fairly short... No "sweeite"... no "sweetheart".... no "hun" or "hunny" on my end. She also hasn't offered anything on her end like that. No Android emoticons. I am keeping it simple which I think is good until I can gauge what is happening in her head.
Just yesterday she finally showed some kind of emotion in text by saying, "Done with work for today yayy!!."
I still have tickets to the Harlem Globetrotters and plan on taking her to a mid to late breakfast before the pre-show at 12:30p. Upon advice from a female christian co-worker that I emphatically trust with advice... she said that it would be okay to today broach the subject with her but with the caveat that I need to be prepared if we don't go (I would be out about $180.00...yikes!) that it would be okay too.
So with that i am going to text her this morning in responding to her comment in having fun with co-workers at Subway (we just ended up taking food back because a co-worker wanted to be proactive in his job) and then broach the subject for the possible date on Sunday.
Because this all happened I am pushing back the time that I tell her of my registration status a couple of weeks. If the date goes well on Sunday if even we go I am going to try and plan on making another trip to see her and maybe just have lunch, coffee or something and then that's when I will tell her of my situation. I guess my reasoning for pushing this back is because we just got off on the wrong foot by accident and I am not sure if we will even be an item or not.... sooo whether right or wrong... lol.. I dunno what do you guys think?
Thank you all for letting me bend your ear, and suggestions are always welcome.
InHisSteps
The first thing I say to them is stop analyzing every little thing the other person does, telling them that if I put them under a microscope like that they wouldn't look all that rosy either. Second thing I tell them is that if they aren't BLUNT, they will have a hard time communicating with the man they are interested in.
I have been using this trick for YEARS so it is something I haven't started mentioning until recently. Compliments and telling people that they are doing a GREAT JOB at whatever it is they are doing. I know seems absolutely silly to do that to an adult. But our psyches are no different than children in many ways and positive reinforcement for the littlest things will go a long way.
I would stick to your original plan, telling her after the game... I look at it this way, those that fly off the handle first, ask questions later are toxic to any budding relationship. She sounds like one of those people. Blow up in someone's face, say a bunch of things that they should apologize for but won't because their ego and self-righteous nature won't let them. These are personality traits that will not change. Is this the kind of person that you want to spend oodles of time with, or will you be on this constant roller coaster with her? I have seen my friends do this to men, it is mean and cruel in my opinion. I have also seen men to the same thing to women, so I think over time gender for gender it evens out... But for many they seem to always get the brunt of that BS.
You sound like a nice guy, someone that has values, is making goals in their life and is looking forwards not back. Which is always a good thing. But what you are talking about above, maybe you don't mean to but if you are just stating things as they happened, if you were my friend, I would tell you that I would choose for you to move on from this woman and look for someone that has a more level head and will listen, think and then respond rather than respond, think then listen. Sometimes things can get said at those times by either party that will forever taint a relationship.
Personally I wouldn't put it off... I know you want to, shit, I would want to too... I am the queen of avoidance of uncomfortable situations, I know it doesn't seem like it, but boy do I have my own hang ups... Thank god I am married finally!
I know it seems rough, but the band-aid method works. OFF like a band-aid! I would probably tell her in the most legal/clinical way possible the conviction and sentence. Then ask her if she would like to hear the story. Because those that have trouble looking past convictions at all will have trouble with or with out the story behind the person. Those kinds of people can be changed, but then YOU have to decide if you want to go through the aggravation of doing that for someone you know so little about thus far.
I hope I don't sound too negative, it is not my intention. I just hate to see people hurt by toxic personalities when I can see it coming and can warn them, show them their options. It sounds like you have a good support system with a variety of people in your life from church to work. They want the best for you too, which is why they tell you to tell her right away before you invest too much of your precious self to someone that may not appreciate you the way they do.
Good luck! You are a good person already, you don't need no stinkin' girl to prove that... :)
If we are able to go, I will try to get a gauge of how she thinks... (Mentioning my uncle at breakfast...then asking if she's a Ready. Fire! Aim. type of person"
Again this is only a 2nd date. We are still trying to get to know each other. I believe I will take the "Band-Aid OFF" approach after I had to Google what it meant..lol (see this article: http://www.artofmanliness.com/2011/12/04/rip-off-the-band-aid/) and tell her about my rso status then and not after the 3rd date.
Where should I tell her? I was thinking coffee that way I can have a backup plan of hailing a cab for her should the date end badly. Or would it be safe to tell her in my vehicle at her apartment complex? At her apartment door while the door is closed? What if she has to get back right away after the game?
Thanks,
In His Steps
So all of them might know... but I HATE the 800lb. gorrilla in the room at times. I am pretty sure my boss knows and perhaps other hierarchy management knows but no one has said a word. Not one. And it's eery sometimes to stew about it.
I have learned to push past it... but it's harrrrrd sometimes.
- In His Steps
Now if she has to get back right away after the game, tell her in the car on the way home or while you are waiting to get out of the parking lot as I am sure that there will be a lot of people leaving and it could take a few... I hate the idea of telling her in a car or by her house, basically in non-public places. Mostly because it puts you in a position for her to be fearful of you because she could feel trapped in the car (unfounded, but her track record up to this point isn't all the stellar either, flies off the handle before she has all the information) At her apartment complex seems to be similar to the car, more private than public....
As for your boss, I would just walk up to him ask to speak with him privately and just tell him very legally and clinically about it. Ask if they would like to know more about the story as you are willing to talk about and not hide from it. This would be to me a courtesy to your boss, so if they don't know, they don't get blind-sided by it from someone else. Also so they can protect you if something weird happens. They can't fire you at this point because that is against the law, so don't hold too much fear of that, you'll have grounds to sue if they tried that.
Now for that constant 800 lb gorilla in the room because you either think everyone knows or they all don't know and could find out at any second fear... Forget about all those people, they do not define you. They are only people that are struggling through life in the same manner you are they are just fortunate that the State hasn't aired their dirty laundry yet.
I basically badger people whenever they say something about not breaking the law, never been arrested crap! First of all, most everyone I know is a felon, not by conviction though. Remember just because you didn't get caught for the 20 times you drove tipsy (which in WI these days will give you an offense) doesn't mean you would really be a first time offender if you got caught, it woudl just be the first time you got caught. If you had gotten caught three of those 20 times before that you would be a felon. Just because you haven' been convicted of a felony doesn't make someone more law abiding than someone else. Just means they haven't gotten caught. Another example is speeding, if you speed enough you'll get a reckless driving, if you get caught doing that enough you'll get your license pulled. I know a lot of people that speed, including myself. If I were caught for all the times I have sped, I shoudn't be able to GET a driver's license.
People forget that they aren't as 'law abiding' as they believe, they just HAVEN'T BEEN CAUGHT! keep that in mind when you are feeling like that elephant is going to come sit on you... He really could be sitting on everyone else.
I feel comfy in a car.. but I forget... it's not about me...lol.
@Thought Yes... that's a good back up plan and something that a local officer (I work at a place where he came in frequently and I happened to have his card so I used it and he mentioned the same thing.. it's a good escape plan) has suggested.
@October Thank you.. that's a good perspective I didn't think about.