Families of SOs Community Group
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Hi everyone,
I am new to the group, and still sort of reeling from everything that has happened over the past few days. Though he hasn't been officially charged yet, my father is under investigation for child pornography and potential other things. This came as a shock to my entire family. We are all going through the full range of emotions. I initially thought he would be arrested quickly, and tried to hold it together and let my dad know that, while I disagree with everything he did, I understand his significant history of being abused as a child, and that I still love him. This felt right, and like what I could manage. Now, it's looking like the investigation will be extensive and take a while. I am trying to figure out how to live my life in this in between time (after the initial crisis, before an arrest and jail time come). I have a child young child who now cannot have contact with my dad. I am trying to sort through my feelings and reconcile my idea of the dad I have always known and all of the information I am receiving, protect my son from all of this, continue to live life, and support my family in this crisis (all the while my dad still being around). Not knowing how long this is going to take, I feel a little lost, and not sure how to be. I don't know who, outside of family, to reach out to. I'm not sure how much to share.
Does anyone have any advice for coping during this time?
I'm grateful being able to talk through this with people who understand. Thank you.
I am new to the group, and still sort of reeling from everything that has happened over the past few days. Though he hasn't been officially charged yet, my father is under investigation for child pornography and potential other things. This came as a shock to my entire family. We are all going through the full range of emotions. I initially thought he would be arrested quickly, and tried to hold it together and let my dad know that, while I disagree with everything he did, I understand his significant history of being abused as a child, and that I still love him. This felt right, and like what I could manage. Now, it's looking like the investigation will be extensive and take a while. I am trying to figure out how to live my life in this in between time (after the initial crisis, before an arrest and jail time come). I have a child young child who now cannot have contact with my dad. I am trying to sort through my feelings and reconcile my idea of the dad I have always known and all of the information I am receiving, protect my son from all of this, continue to live life, and support my family in this crisis (all the while my dad still being around). Not knowing how long this is going to take, I feel a little lost, and not sure how to be. I don't know who, outside of family, to reach out to. I'm not sure how much to share.
Does anyone have any advice for coping during this time?
I'm grateful being able to talk through this with people who understand. Thank you.
Share with those you can trust. I told very few people. When it hut the headlines everyone knew and a close friend I was terrified to tell has given the most positive support.
It wont be easy but you can do it. Chin up, chest out and breathe.
Sal.
Hugs
I cannot speak from the aspect of a child going through something like this with a parent. My situation is as a parent grieving the actions of an adult child, but some things are sort of the same.
Going forward you can count on your life being different from what you have known in the past. People will go out of their way to ‘advice’ you on how you ‘should’ handle things. Many will make claims to know what is best for you and your son. So called friends may turn their backs on you, and you will be judged by proxy. (Associaton)
On the other hand, you may have different experiences. Go with what feels right for you. If you don’t want to talk about it…..don’t. Make decisions in a manner that will make the process easier for you and your son to handle. Don’t let well meaning people push you into doing something that doesn’t feel right to you.
I believe one things most of us going through this type of situation have in common is that we have had to grow a pretty thick skin to protect ourselves from the petty gossip that arises, and have had to be willing to accept changes as they come in order to keep our heads above water. You do what you have to do for yourself and your son.
Keeping busy is a key factor. You will need to distract your mind or you will go nuts thinking about things. I myself probably have the cleanest house in 3 states. Movement and physical activity helps me. I reveal close to the bone events openly to only one person, as most of the people I used to call friends and family are not around by their choice or mine.
The limbo phase is truly the hardest. Hang in there, eventually things will start to smooth out some. Come back and let us know how you are. We do care.